Last night I went to bed in one of my quite bad panicking modes. I laid awake thinking to myself "I'm going to end up having no job, no money, no friends and no one to love. I'm going to end up living with my parents for the rest of my life and become a hermit. What's the point?". I know I sound like I'm exaggerating or being silly, but honestly, in this present moment I see these statements as truth. Whilst at school I use to dream of the person I'd be when I left and it wasn't a hermit. I imagined I'd be confident, with a successful job and a good social life; a chic 21st century girl. But I can't even do the simple things I wanted to do, like join a tennis club or go out on a trip to London. So now, I can see I got my hopes up too high in terms of my future.

It's just the thought of being in a crowd or meeting new people terrifies me; just thinking about it is making me uncomfortable. This fear is basically what prevented me from going to university, (but I'd like not to go to uni anyway due to fees and stuff). But I really don't want to be in this fearful way - I want to be the opposite. Honestly I don't know what to do. I feel all alone, and I feel as though I'm to face my daunting adulthood all alone.

I don't know how my life is going to end up, but at the moment I truly believe that I'll end up being a waste of space living with my parents for the rest of my life with no other human contact. If that's how things play out, literally what is the point in my existence?

I just needed to get this off my chest, so that I might not feel as alone.