Hi, it's nice to meet all of you. I'm new here but unfortunately not to anxiety issues. I figured it'd help to have people who understand to discuss this sort of thing with, perhaps calm me down some when it gets bad.

I've been unemployed for awhile and fall on the autistic spectrum, I've never been that good at dealing with people face to face. I've never been good at handling stress well, but I was managing day to day.

Then a few years ago, around when I turned twenty-five I began getting hit relentlessly with my first real anxiety attacks. At first it was just that I felt cold and anxious all the time, then eventually it felt like the world was ending every minute, I was terrified for my life, and had no control over my emotions for awhile, not to mention I felt really ashamed over my terror and the burden that put on my loved ones. Eventually I got some medication, a mix of Wellbutrin and Prozac respectively, and some therapy and eventually things seemed to get better. Around that time I had to stop with the therapy and medication due to transportation issues, but I was doing okay and it seemed fine now. Just a really dark episode I had moved past. I even fooled myself into thinking that perhaps I was stronger for having made it past that point.

But then just recently, it happened again after two years of relative peace. I discovered this lump on my thumb and none of my doctors could figure out what is was. Not knowing made me nervous, and that nervousness turned into panic and now I'm back in that dark place again. I saw a hand specialist today and even after blood-work and an X-Ray, they still don't know what it is. I'm having an MRI scheduled but it feels like that will take forever and with that hovering over me, I feel like my anxiety is only getting worse. It's practically turning me into a hypochondriac, every little ache my body produces makes me think it's connected to my thumb problem and it's running me ragged. I know it's irrational but I can't stop worrying about it, I can't even tell which symptoms are REAL anymore.

It's not just the health matter though that is the major issue. There are many other factors; up until recently my family was fighting like cats and dogs, this endless winter is choking me, my sister nearly lost our internet by pirating movies, my best friend in the world is having family issues, and I feel like I don't have a future, it's all weighing me down and contributing to this stress and anxiety and panic.

I feel cold all the time, regardless of how warm it actually is. I have no appetite, eating is a chore even if I love the food. I had chest pains too, to the point where I went to the doctor and got an EKG just to prove to myself it was all in my head. Explaining my issues, he prescribed Prozac like my last doctor did, only a lesser dose than I feel is warranted, and Xanax to help me along until the Prozac takes hold.

The problem is, it's like throwing a blanket over a raging fire. I can feel the fire just underneath the blanket of chemicals and that it'll burst to the surface the moment they wear off. So I'm leapfrogging from dose to dose, stuck either in a lethargic drugged up stupor, or in a panic and fearing for my life. I have no energy now even to distract myself with things I enjoy. Just writing this introduction was exhausting, not just emotionally, but physically too. Perhaps one of the worst aspects is how pathetic weak and burdensome I feel, especially on my loved ones.

My loved ones, as much as I love them and try as they might, can't truly understand my problems. So I decided to try turning to here, where people may understand how I feel and where I'm coming from. And perhaps make some friends. Writing this, while stressful, was also cathartic so I feel like that's a good sign that coming here was the right decision.

I look forward to being part of this community and hope I can find help here.