social phobia relapse

[guitarist]

For 9 years now I have a social anxiety disorder. In the beginning it was just stress to go to school. But after a while I was starting to get anxiety attacks and started to vomit every morning I had to go to school. After a while the symptoms became even worse and I wasn't able to continue my school anymore. I just wanted to stay home because getting out was very hard for me. I went to a therapist and he helped me a lot. Step by step I got better. After 2 years of therapy I was living a relatively normal live. Going to the cinema, meeting friends, going to school and a lot more. After a while I met a really nice girl and we started dating. It was a really busy time, so I got a relapse. I was really mad... how could this happen?! The dating stopped and I found a new therapist. After two months or so I was doing great again. I found a great job which I really enjoyed. Two years later I got another busy moment in my live. I didn't took care of myself so again.... a relapse... and again.... therapy. After the last therapy I was able to do things I could never imagine. I had three different therapists so I learned a lot.
But now.... another relapse..... I didn't see it coming, but when I look back I could have seen it coming. It was a very busy period and I didn't had enough rest in my live. At the moment I feel really depressed.... why do I have to go through all of this again.... All this stress. It's not as bad as my previous relapses, but I do feel very nauseous in the morning before going to work. My stomach feels very unpleasant and I have no energy at all. I am planning not to go to a therapist again because I already know what they are going to say, and I am doing it already. I know the tools I can use... but apparently it isn't enough because I am getting these relapses. At the moment I feel a lot of pain and I just can't accept that this is happening again. I am trying to calm myself through meditation and use my experience. But it just takes so long. It has been a couple of weeks ago since it started, so it's not that long since it started again, but every day is too long. Does anybody has a tip for me how to speed things up, how to accept it? It really hurts that I can't be the person I would like to be.

[anxiousmess]

i think what you need to do is stop worrying about being the person you would like to be. you are beating yourself up about being back in this position.
like you say, you have the tools - you know how to deal with this, and you can! you just need to accept the fact that you are back in this position. only this time it is ok - because you know how to handle it!
you don't need to speed the process up. it's a long road - and you know this! accept that!

exposure therapy is the best for any phobia. since you have the tools that you remember from your previous sessions - use that, along with NOT stopping yourself from anything your anxiety tries to stop you doing.
if you want to go visit some friends - make sure you go. no matter how bad you feel. if you are sick, you are sick! you will go see your friends no matter what!

keep your chin up and don't stop trying
if you find you are really struggling and it is having an impact on your life - then you could always get some meds from your doctor to help you along the way

[awolfe]

SABOTAGE!! Deal with your real fears(!?) and you'll see true change until then enjoy the anxiety cycle you've programmed or set your standards lower, it's that simple.

[guitarist]

I wish I could just change it that easily. If so my problems wouldn't be here anymore.
I do need to stop worrying about the person I would like to be, but it's really hard. Usually I am doing really well, but when I have a relapse my world seems to fall apart. Most of the time I able to believe that this is just a phase wich will pass if I just continue doing my work and my hobby's. But sometimes I just feel misserable that I have to go through it all over again. It makes me wonder what my live will look like in the future....will I have more relapses in the future too? I know I shouldn't do that, but at the moment I just can't help it.
Medication isn't for me. After 8 years of antidepressants I am finally clean. If it's not necessary, than I won't use it again. I don't think it helped me a lot in the past. I was less depressed, but that's it.
I am wondering if anybody could tell me how they are dealing with a relapse and what they to prevent a relapse in the future. For example, is mindfulness any good? I would like to do something extra because apparently it isn't enough.

Does anyone have advice for me?

[anxiousmess]

i'm sorry you feel that way. i know how hard it is myself - i am still stuck there

have you thought about your diet, exercise and eliminating any extra unnecassary stresses in your life? i know it might be a stupid question, but some people don't realise how much their way of life is actually affecting their anxiety.

[guitarist]

Thanks for the reply! Too bad you are also stuck in there. Hopefully you can get out soon.
When I was doing great I wasn't thinking about my diet, excercise and eliminating any extra unnecessary stress because I could handle it (that's what I thought). When I thought that if something was too much I wouldn't do it, but some things I just did because I thought I could handle it an everybody else can... so why not me? That was my mistake. Comparing myself with others.
At the moment I stay away from caffeine. I usually excersised twice a week, but at the moment I just can't seem to find the energy. I am trying to pick that up again. It's just so frustrating that I feel so bad... even in the weekends. My stomach feels horrible and eating is more difficult for me. Sometimes I feel really depressed. Not knowing what to do against this anxiety. The only thing I know is trying to relax as much as I can, continue doing my job, reduce unnecessary stress. If I think too far ahead I try to stop it or try to change the thought in something possitive (although that never REALLY worked for me, it always felt like I was lying to myself when I did that) I also started taking magnesium since yesterday. It might not work at all, but who knows. If it helps me to relax 1% more... than it's something. Minfulness is something I started this week. It sounds great, but I think it will take a long time and hard work to really use it properly. But I give it a try, because maybe it can help me to accept things better.

Any other tips?

[anxiousmess]

what is mindfulness?
i know what you mean about adding postive thoughts after a negative - i always feel as though i am lying to myself too lol.

i've got one more tip that i can think of - sorry if i'm doing your head in ha. peppermint tea in the morning! not only does it relax you, it also perks you up! chamomile tea before bed, or peppermint! even though peppermint helps wake you up, it also helps you sleep. how it does that, i don't know. but, that's how it is so good!

not just that - if you find you like the peppermint, it is just as safe to drink as much as you would normal tea - and it has no caffeine in

[guitarist]

That's really annoying right?! Because that is almost the main thing about CBT. Adding a positive thought after a negative one. I used it a lot in my first therapy.... but even when I used it... there was still a lot of anxiety.

Mindfulness is a form of meditation wich makes you pay attention more. For example... the bodyscan... you are scanning your entire body peace by peace and try to feel how that part of your body feels. You don't have to change the feelings, you have to be kind for yourself, no judgements and accept what is there. Everytime when you get distracted you will admit that withouth judgement and you will get back to that part of your body. It is hard, but when somebody is able to really do it correctly, that person can accept their anxiety. That it's something that is here and now, but what will go away. It's not you. Your thoughts and feelings aren't the person you are, but come and go. By doing so you should be able to reduce or even stop the anxiety. That's what I've read and there are testresults that seem positive. There is also a new therapy based on it. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Thanks for the tip about the tea! I will look into that. Hopefully it will help me. I'm getting sick and tired of this anxiety. If anybody else has some extra tips for me, feel free to share!

[ladywillow]

Hi guiarist. I don't have any tips since I'm struggling with it too, but I thought I would write and let you know you aren't alone. Have you talked to your doctor about your stomach problems? Do you have reflux? It's quite common in those of us with anxiety. I have to take a anti-reflux medication in the morning or else I feel the same way you do. Have you read Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes? If not, I suggest you do. It has a section about relapse that I think you would find helpful.

PS - if you DO have reflux there is conflicting information out there about peppermint tea. Some say it makes it worse, and some say it makes it better. I love the stuff, but have had to quit drinking it as i'm in the 'worse' category. Try it out, though, and see if it helps. You can even grow it yourself, if you're so inclined. Its SO nice when it's fresh!

[anxiousmess]

good pointer there, ladywillow about the peppermint tea!
i grow it myself, but i've somehow bonded with it, and i can't bring myself to take any leaves incase i hurt it lol. ive even called it henry still never had fresh mint tea

as for the mindfulness! it sounds pretty good! gonna have a read up on it