For 9 years now I have a social anxiety disorder. In the beginning it was just stress to go to school. But after a while I was starting to get anxiety attacks and started to vomit every morning I had to go to school. After a while the symptoms became even worse and I wasn't able to continue my school anymore. I just wanted to stay home because getting out was very hard for me. I went to a therapist and he helped me a lot. Step by step I got better. After 2 years of therapy I was living a relatively normal live. Going to the cinema, meeting friends, going to school and a lot more. After a while I met a really nice girl and we started dating. It was a really busy time, so I got a relapse. I was really mad... how could this happen?! The dating stopped and I found a new therapist. After two months or so I was doing great again. I found a great job which I really enjoyed. Two years later I got another busy moment in my live. I didn't took care of myself so again.... a relapse... and again.... therapy. After the last therapy I was able to do things I could never imagine. I had three different therapists so I learned a lot.
But now.... another relapse..... I didn't see it coming, but when I look back I could have seen it coming. It was a very busy period and I didn't had enough rest in my live. At the moment I feel really depressed.... why do I have to go through all of this again.... All this stress. It's not as bad as my previous relapses, but I do feel very nauseous in the morning before going to work. My stomach feels very unpleasant and I have no energy at all. I am planning not to go to a therapist again because I already know what they are going to say, and I am doing it already. I know the tools I can use... but apparently it isn't enough because I am getting these relapses. At the moment I feel a lot of pain and I just can't accept that this is happening again. I am trying to calm myself through meditation and use my experience. But it just takes so long. It has been a couple of weeks ago since it started, so it's not that long since it started again, but every day is too long. Does anybody has a tip for me how to speed things up, how to accept it? It really hurts that I can't be the person I would like to be.