Hi everyone, my name is Gabrielle. I recently found out I have GAD which has led to mild depression and OCD. I apologize now but I'm probably going to ramble for a bit as I word-vomit everything that's on my mind.
I'm so SO glad to have found somewhere like this to be able to talk to others. I am currently seeing a psychologist to work through CBT before resorting to medications as I am breast feeding and the thought of stopping breast feeding and starting meds only exacerbates my anxiety.
Like most stories I have read here, I too have probably suffered from anxiety since before I can actually remember, I always just thought I thought too much (thinking about how much I think, what a surprise lol), was just a meticulous person who was too hung up on perfection and the minor details of things.
I did and still do get the derealisation that comes with it and unfortunately my constant worry about having lack of control over things in my life has led to repetitive thoughts of my fiancÚ or baby dying, NOT because I want to them too! But because I've pretty much convinced myself I need to plan out scenarios so if it does happen I will know how to be prepared for it. I haven't even told my psychologist that yet.
Those were the thoughts that got me to the point where I started to think I was seriously loosing it, because I didn't know OCD could affect your thoughts, I just thought people with OCD were just people obsessed with being clean, now I realize it's just a compulsive obsession, with anything.
Another OCD that I have is that I pick at myself. I do not do this to self harm, I have acne and have had it since I was a teen. When my break outs started my mother and older sister use to tell me how gross and ugly I was, so I started to squeeze them as a quick fix to get rid of them. Then the OCD kicked in (didn't know it at the time) where I wouldn't stop, I would start squeezing areas on my face if I even thought there may have been a pimple there, and obsessed with treatments to try and prevent it and also try and heal the damage I had done which usually made the break outs worse and the vicious cycle continued.
Lately I have started doing it to my legs, I had trouble with some ingrown hairs recently after a bad waxing experience and got some pretty horrible in grown hairs so I am now trying to combat the OCD with my face and OCD with " ingrown" hairs (that aren't even there or aren't actually ingrown) on my legs which is leaving both quite scarred, which upsets me, the anxiety and depression escalates and yet another cycle continues.
I just need others to talk to because as much as my friends say they understand, I know they don't even though they have best intentions and well, as you can probably already pick I don't have the most supportive family. I always thought that I couldn't possibly be depressed/OCD/anxious because I'm not one of "those" people but I know realize that these conditions do NOT discriminate and there is no stereotype for them, which in a way makes me feel a little better knowing I am normal, but just not mentally well, so I now know I can treat this and I can get better.
There's a lot more to it than what I've told as I'm sure there is to everyone's story, but any way I applaud you (and thank you) if you are still reading this an I look forward to getting to know you all a bit better as time progresses .