anxiety is ruining my life

[earlgrey]

Uh hey guys. New here.

Don't really know where to start or what to say, or what order to say this in. :S

My most recent symptom has been dizziness and light headedness. It's very scary with my neck pain. I guess this is the scariest thing so far since I have no control over it. I was reading online about Hypochondriasis and realized that I might have it and how little control I have over my mind and body. All of this stuff is ruining my life. Since August of last year I've been "sick" With a few tiny breaks between things at time it's just like a never ending game of whack-a-mole. I've been to the hospital so many times now that my parents say I should stop going as they'll begin to think I'm crazy.

In August on vacation I had neck pain and headaches in the back of my head. It worried me until the end of the vacation and worsened on the trip home. This stayed for a while and I got anti inflammatory from the doctor for my neck, but they didn't help at all. This eventually went away but came back later on a lot worse. My neck starting making cracking sounds and I had so much pain at night that I couldn't sleep. I got another prescription of anti inflammatories this time and also a muscle relaxant which I didn't feel safe about taking. This neck stuff just kinda of came and went. Eventually a doctor did xrays of my neck and told me everything was clear.

The next thing I started having was heart pains. At times if I moved to suddenly I'd get a jabbing feeling to the heart. Went to the hospital several times, eventually got ECG's and that stuff done. Nothing serious just an arrhythmia where my heartbeat is influenced by my breathing. I don't really have the best heart history from my moms side. So these heart pains kept happening, eventually I couldn't sleep and it somehow turned into deep asthma. I used to have asthma as a kid but outgrew it. I got an inhaler and before I could use it I kind of got better, and the neck stuff started again.

For a while it was just a switch between heart pains and neck pain until the heart pain turned into abdominal pain which has been the most recent thing. Underneath my ribs on the left side something feels inflated. I looked it up and found I might just have IBS. Anyway I got blood tests done for this and an ultrasound and the blood tests came back fine and I got no call for the ultrasound so that must mean it was clear too. The pain worsened to the point that I felt nauseous for 10 days straight. I could still eat and didn't throw up at all during this time but the pain was too much. I found online that probiotics and digestive enzymes would help so I just tried to change my diet up and the pain went away just a bit ago. The day after I wake up and boom my neck pain is back and now I feel light headed daily. I'm afraid to go to sleep now so I stay up until about 7am and crash then sleep all day. I have like blurred vision and a hard time focusing. I feel cloudy and firmly shake my head because I just feel cloudy. I'm afraid something in my neck is just going to disconnect and it'll be lights out.

I've never been diagnosed with anxiety but I don't know what else would explain all of this. I'm 23 and already very behind in life and I don't feel I can move forward like this anymore. Hearing that people suffer with this for like 10 years is unbelievable. I can't imagine that. It doesn't even seem so serious at times I mean I don't have panic attacks really it just seems that it's getting exponentially worse in my subconscious. I guess I've been through a lot and I take after my mother mainly and she lives a lot like this too. I'm not really generalizing when I say none of my friends believe me about anything I say, at this point it feels like no one on this planet cares and I'm all alone with dealing with this.

[Meche]

Believe me you are NOT dealing with this alone. I've never been an over-anxious person and it has never interferered with my life but in the space of 3 weeks my life has changed so much. I guess lately I've been not worried about things but felt stuck in a rut. Been doing of thinking about life and where it's going - pretty normal stuff really. Suddenly I couldn't sleep. I was waking with night terrors and trembling, developed sudden dizziness and feeling like I was going to pass out. The worst thing was that feeling of dread - like I was waiting for something really bad to happen. These were happening every day for 4-5 days and frightened me so much I didn't dare go to sleep. I didn't know much about anxiety and what it could do to you so thought I was ill and ended up in A&E one night because I thought I was dying!!! Sent away with diazepam to help me sleep and told I had high anxiety. The panic attacks have stopped as quickly has they started but I dread it happening again and I am left feeling nervous. I am still having random dizzy spells and have developed real bad headaches because I'm so tense. I woke up last night and felt panicked (don't know why) but just rolled over and went back to sleep. I have continued to work throughout this episode and carry on with my life but I still don't feel 'myself' and I have spent many hours wondering how/why this is happening to me. At the moment the headaches/neck pain are the worst for me. I've just wasted a whole weekend because of a migraine and thinking it was a brain tumour! You will be ok - like you it's all in my subconcious. Because I'm usually so healthy whenever I get a pain now I start thinking it's something serious and then I start to panic. I have to keep myself busy and then the pain and thoughts go away. I've had this on/off for 3 weeks now but nothing bad has happened and I'm still here - it is anxiety.

[miss_mac666]

on this forum you are never alone.

[earlgrey]

Thank you for your reply. Today was a hard day like the past few have been but it seems over a few hours of gaming and just keeping busy my neck feels fine for now and I don't really feel dizzy. Kind of comforting to see it go away with distractions. It's weird because I can finally accept that maybe all of this is in my head but even then I don't know how to fix it. Would make more sense if I was tricked and falling for it. You should look up sleep paralysis, it's something that happens at night when you're really stressed out and it's quite terrifying but reading about it might help, but other than that it's just stress I guess. What little sleep I do get isn't often enough as I spend much of it dreaming or waking up. I really need to find out how to deal with this. I'm kind of afraid of medication and I'm not in the best town for mental help.

[Meche]

I've read everything about sleeping disorders - that's where mine stemmed from. Every time I tried to fall asleep I would awake with a head rush and a sudden jerk and my whole body would spasm. Really scary! That's sorted itself out now but there is always the fear of it happening again. Understanding why it has happened to you is frustrating. I always thought anxiety was suffered by people who had been through major trauma or stresses in their life - how wrong I was. I'm not on meds. Docs only prescribed diazepam to help me sleep which worked for a few nights but it was making my head fuzzy so I stopped. Right now I am dealing with this med free and I want to keep it that way. There is no trigger for me - I can feel perfectly fine one moment then I feel a sudden rush to my head and I know it's happening. I've found that carrying on with my daily routine has helped - it takes my mind of whys/hows. xx

[kye]

I know exactly what you are going through. I am 23 as well... I started a new job where my bosses are high stress and they have passed their stress on to me. Because I am running their business and I am their only secretary, I get all of the blame. A few weeks ago I almost passed out at work. The doctors all thought it was due to my sinuses but I knew I didn't feel right. I knew they were wrong. Next, entered a state of complete Hypochondria. I thought I was dying. Everything I googled was CANCER. I went to the doctor and she told me my heart was beating a mile a minute. She felt I was having multiple panic attacks at work. A few days went by and my once ridiculously stiff neck had went away, however, I had new symptoms. I now felt like my breaths were shallow and when my body would force myself to yawn in order to receive oxygen my lungs would hurt so bad. This, at times, was accompanied by chest pain. If anyone worried me even the slightest my chest would feel as if it was going to explode. Of course, researching these symptoms made it worse. I have been to the doctor 4 times in the last month. I used to brush of pain and now every little symptom scares me. They haven't done an EKG or Chest X-ray on me but the doctors all said my pulse sounds excellent, my blood pressure is perfect, and my lungs sound great. I'm supposing this is why they havne't done any further x-rays or testing. They feel it is anxiety. I know how you feel, you feel trapped in your head. As if no matter how much you tell yourself that it's just anxiety you start breathing harder at the thought of dealing with it. I'm refusing medication. This is something I will deal with on my own but it is important to know that anxiety can completely take a toll on your body. YOU ARE NOT FALLING APART. I have stomach pains, neck pains, back pains, jaw pains, head pains every day for the past two weeks from my anxiety. As my doctor said "you have pains in so many places I could about guarantee there is nothing wrong with you as there isn't one targeted organ pain". We will be ok. Just get happy and seriously slow down and breath.

[earlgrey]

I've read everything about sleeping disorders - that's where mine stemmed from. Every time I tried to fall asleep I would awake with a head rush and a sudden jerk and my whole body would spasm. Really scary! That's sorted itself out now but there is always the fear of it happening again. Understanding why it has happened to you is frustrating. I always thought anxiety was suffered by people who had been through major trauma or stresses in their life - how wrong I was. I'm not on meds. Docs only prescribed diazepam to help me sleep which worked for a few nights but it was making my head fuzzy so I stopped. Right now I am dealing with this med free and I want to keep it that way. There is no trigger for me - I can feel perfectly fine one moment then I feel a sudden rush to my head and I know it's happening. I've found that carrying on with my daily routine has helped - it takes my mind of whys/hows. xx

I'm pretty sure that sudden jolt to being awake is common and normal. When you like roll over or w/e it feels like your falling. I think anything that happens in your sleep when you're really stressed out and already suffer anxiety is worse though. To me it's like constant abuse you can't avoid. You're supposed to get comfort and rest from sleep, not be attacked by your mind. I dreamt all night it sucked.

[earlgrey]

Thanks Kye, again a comfort to hear I'm not alone with this. Was doing find it seems all day but my eyes feel kind of funny and I feel a bit dizzy just being home. I'm starting to think I have anxiety associated with my bedroom or something if that's even possible. It's a very scary and real feeling, all of it. I tell people there's no way the pain I feel sometimes could be anxiety but I guess from so much it manifests and messed up my body. I just can't shake this off it scares me and like I said even know it's not real it's not enough.

[kye]

I know exactly what you are going through. Everyone has told me the past few days to just quit getting so worked up over small things. What worries me is that I don't feel that I do get worked up over small things. I'm a pretty happy go lucky girl. I'm blaming it on my new job :-). Who knows if that is really the culprit or not. This morning I woke up a few hours before I had to go to work and took my two dogs on a walk while the sun rose (really they took me for a run). Anyway, for the first day in weeks my symptoms have decreased greatly. I still have a little shorntess of breath but I still think that is my body recovering from my attacks. People say to calm down but my advise to you, if you are anything like me, is to get active. It sounds strange but the more I am left alone with my head the worse it gets because the more I think about it. I have started working out more and that seems to help too. I hope you get out of this "rut" and can continue on back to your normal self. I am still working on it as well!

[earlgrey]

I know exactly what you are going through. Everyone has told me the past few days to just quit getting so worked up over small things. What worries me is that I don't feel that I do get worked up over small things. I'm a pretty happy go lucky girl. I'm blaming it on my new job :-). Who knows if that is really the culprit or not. This morning I woke up a few hours before I had to go to work and took my two dogs on a walk while the sun rose (really they took me for a run). Anyway, for the first day in weeks my symptoms have decreased greatly. I still have a little shorntess of breath but I still think that is my body recovering from my attacks. People say to calm down but my advise to you, if you are anything like me, is to get active. It sounds strange but the more I am left alone with my head the worse it gets because the more I think about it. I have started working out more and that seems to help too. I hope you get out of this "rut" and can continue on back to your normal self. I am still working on it as well!

I get what you mean about being alone and inside your head. I can't really stand it now. I never thought it would be possible but I've become less needy and tired of people so I don't mind being alone, but now I can't stand it again because any time alone is time with myself in my head and I can't face myself. I wish I had a better job or more hours to just keep me busy. Still a few months of winter left so I don't know how I'll stay active. This is still really scary I just feel so dizzy and no amount of relaxing or anything can make it go away.