help with this?

[BYObass]

i'm 17, started having panic attacks a year or so ago, which progressed to strange body pains/giving myself diseases (lyme, brain tumor, AIDS, appendicitis), which then progressed to bouts of derealization/depersonalization, along with almost non stop irrational worry, thoughts of unhappines, unfulfullment, apathy., worthless/helplessness and even thoughts of death/suicide. i am afraid of losing control, my mind, and dying almost a the tiem (not just during attacks).

i have had sum small episodes of manic disorder, a lot of what i feel may have been hypomania, and then sum depression, but not enuff to justify what my doctor thinks is bipolar disorder. overall, i just have no idea where to turn, and i have my whole lie ahead of me (*including a full scholarship to an excellent college), and it shouldn't be this hard. i'd like it to be easier. and i feel like i almost cant enjoy it. i also feel like im "giving" myself all these symptoms the more i read about it/read stories/think about it/fear it coming back. my thoughts race a lot. hard to sleep sometimes. hard to focus, make decisions, concentrate. ard to stop thinking about all of thsi nonsense!!

at this point i feel like im in a "light" dr/dp state... not full out. but light. it comes and goes n cycles, it seems. with a week of good and a week to 2 weeks of bad. how can i get any help non-medically. i just started depakote for bipolar, and i have ativan for when i feel vbery anxious/afraid. but... what can i do? i can already deep breath away my panic attacks.thats not a problem. but it seems that i can go from a really horrible state, to a regular horrible feeling when i get one while in these dp/dr modes.

[jitters]

All the symptoms you describe are anxiety realated we all tell ourselves at first that it must be some terrible illness. And we nearly all get feelings that life shouldn't be so hard. The important thing to realise is that you are not alone, look around this site we are all suffering with one kind of anxiety or another. Try to smile they say it helps, and just becuase you dont have full blown panic attacks dosent mean you dont get symptoms of GAD.

Seek help keep looking for answers and keep reminding yourself you are not alone and that what you have is an illness which can be treated. I hope you get better soon.

Duncan