Hi everyone. My name is Sarah and I am new to this forum. Lately I have been having this fear that I am stuck in a dream. The scenarios seem to change every so often. In 7th grade I was at a sleepover and this one girl said she could do a 'trance' on us, she would rub our temples, count down to 100 and apparently she would ask questions and we'd give goofy answers. Another girl said that she knew someone who got stuck in a trance and that she was screaming to get out of it. But anyways I volunteered and I never actually believed I was ever in a trance, I just remember being giggly, and I remember sleeping later that night and then we all woke up and went to the Bagel store. Now here I am years later (I am 23) with this fear plaguing me "Omg, what if I am stuck in a trance from 7th grade and I have to scream to get out??".
So that's what my fear was last week. This week my fear was about when I got my tonsils out when I was 18...what if I never awoke from the anesthesia? What if I am on a coma in the hospital bed and this life isn't real? All my life I had believed I woke up, but what if?
These thoughts are scary. I am married and want to enjoy my newlywed life without these thoughts plaguing me. But I am so scared. What if God is trying to tell me something? What if I am stuck in a dream and He wants to me do specific things to get out of it, and if I don't listen I will go to hell? I recognize these thoughts are destroying me, but why do I have unwanted thoughts in the first place?
I am seeing a therapist. I am desperately looking for proof that I am NOT in a dream. I obviously know what it feels like to be awake, I obviously know THIS is what it feels like, but what if it was all a lie and just a vivid dream??? It freaks me out to the point of chronic worry and depression. I want proof!
My therapist wants me to go on SSRI. I would like some advice from people who have experienced chronic unwanted thoughts and their experience on SSRI. She said that serotonin is like oil for your brain, and my 'gears' are stuck. She says I can feel a lot better and that after a while I will notice "hey i haven't been thinking of that lately" and it will be easier to go on normally.
I don't truly believe I am in a dream, but what if? How do I know for certain?