I started on zoloft about 6-7 weeks ago and it has been working as far as social phobia and depression but still dont feel quite like myself.
Before taking zoloft I did what the normal anxiety ridden person does, google side effects and possible negative feedback to fuel my worries. of coarse suicidal thoughts was on the list.
So I started taking the medication which gave me strange dreams and DP that made me feel terrible at first. I started feeling like it wasnt working and felt down about it. Then I started thinking about the side effect of suicidal thoughts and started thinking I had them. I became afraid to sit by out gun cabinet thinking I might just get up and load a gun and shoot myself (even though I didnt want to).
When I would think about going to eat a chewy bar I would get anxious and think it was a barrel of a gun (similar shapes) and it would get me thinking about it again. Well it has lessed but today I went to caribou and got a tea (coffee gets me anxious) with a friend and when I got home started fearing the gun cabinet again. Im affraid these intrusive thoughts will make me do something I dont want to do.
I have similar fears when deer hunting, thinking how easy it would be to just turn the gun on myself and I start hyperventilating and almost have to unload my riffle. I know I dont want to act on these thoughts but just seeing If people have the same fears or irrational thoughts.