Does anyone else panic from being 'put on the spot' ??

[Mr.M]

Hi there, I just signed up to this forum - what a great way for sufferers to share info!

So I've been suffering from I guess you would call a mild generalised anxiety for years now which is mainly chronic worrying and a bit of social anxiety (that's what my psychologist says). I'm working on techniques to reduce my worry however what I really need help with is the following.....

I have a real fear of being 'put on the spot'. Now to define this I mean situations like Interviews, dealing with authority figures, public speaking etc and especially a fear of confrontation. I have abnormal reactions to these situations especially if I'm not familiar with the people involved. My adrenalin starts pumping, my heart thumps, my face gets flushed, I start breathing heavier and I start gulping which actually makes it physically hard to get any words out. Basically a panic attack! And so obviously I live in fear of being 'put on the spot' everyday.

I work in a restaurant every night so I'm constantly exposed to these situations but I can't seem to get comfortable with them.

Does anyone suffer from this? What sort of treatment is beneficial? This anxiety feels like its ruling my like at the moment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

[Gladys]

Dear Mr. M,

Yes, I experience the same feelings when I'm put on the spot.

It's important to know that you are your best therapist. The fact that you work in a stressful environment is enviable from where I'm sitting. That means that anxiety doesn't rule you, although I know you feel like it does.

It's important to know that when your body sends out hormones to give you anxiety, there are compensatory ones. Remember the body wants to bring itself back into balance. It just takes time.

Best wishes

[Marlow]

Mr. M

I experience some kind of this as well. When it comes to things that I'm not prepared for or don't feel confident that day things are defiantly worse. My problem is more with impersonal types of social situations. eg, big parties, public speaking, exct. I, however, am confident in interpersonal conversations, find it easy to settle and get to know someone. The way I see it and the way I challenge you to see interpersonal exchanges (interviews, conversation, ext) as just getting to know someone on a personal level. I understand how it can be scary to be on the spot but you have to try to perceive it as just a friendly conversation. My problem is when it gets to 3 people because I feel like they will gang up on me and make fun of me (even if thats not the case), Irational fear, i know. We just all need to learn how to get past all of it.

PUBLIC SPEAKING IS THE DEVIL

[hangingon]

I cannot continue to teach at college because of my anxiety and obsessiveness. I shake like a leaf when I get in front of people to interview. There is no fear...it is all reflex. The same thing happens the first time I get in front of a new class. I think: I've done this before, I know what I am doing, this is very simple. But as soon as I look out on the crowd I start shaking. Two or three shots of alcohol before such an event fixes it, but I can't stay drunk my whole life. On the other hand, I worry about preparing lessons for class -are they clear enough some student isn't going to pick them apart after the exam. Are they tough enough to stand up to the standards of the department and not send unqualified students to higher level courses and programs? Am I being fair to the students? Like I've said before, I push myself and deprive myself of sleep to get the best results and make myself nauseous for most of the semester and get a stress related reaction similar to mono or the mumps. I know intellectually that other instructors don't worry about all these things and I should not either. I go into the semester thinking I am not going to get carried away with worry or time investment. I even get notes from other instructors to use and I have to heavily modify them so they are good. When a students complains or a colleague, I tell myself it happens to everyone and it is not worth worrying about, that some people will confront me because they think they can intimidate me so I have to ignore it, but it torments me anyways and my thinking changes to make it my fault and something I need to fix It is something very deep in my brain or even brain stem causing all of this. I wonder if it is PTSD, Asperger's syndrome, OCD or general and social anxiety or what. I don't have health insurance since I cannot work full time, so trying to sort it out with a psychiatrist or counselor is not possible. I even fear talking to doctors or psychiatrists because I fear they will not know what they are doing, try to rush me through and want me to come back over and over and/or will become domineering.

[Gladys]

Dear Hanginon,

I remember when my first week at university. The Dean came and gave the freshers a talk. His hands were shaking and I recall thinking about how nervous he was.

The thing is, it's unlikely that he was a Dean without being a Lecturer first, and proving himself in a work capacity teaching.

I decided not to continue at university because of my anxiety (the thought of presentations and actually doing them was too much for me to consider). Obviously that coloured everything I've done in life since, as it will with you if you decide that you can't face teaching.

I'm not ignoring everything you write about being an issue for you, but the fact is that you will be responsible for your ability to continue in school or not.

If you have no physical causes for your distress, you will need to take your anxiety into your own hands, in order to deal with it. I, like you want there to be a quick fix, though I know there isn't one. If you were financially sound enough to find external treatments, the onus would still be on you to help yourself. Any given method requires you to work with it.

I found the Depression Forum's thread 'I Beat Anxiety' uplifting. It's content is self - explanatory, and it's posters will relate to you in some way.

I wish you the best, because what you have is worth so much in terms of being able to teach. Having said that, I know anxiety can blind us to what is good when we only see the bad in it.

Best wishes



Gladys

[fallingthin]

Yes. I also have these problems. Sometimes I rehearse lines I might have to say to avoid stuttering or long pauses. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

[hangingon]

Gladys,
I feel like I have done so much and failed to overcome it that it must be a physical limitation. Either I get stressed out very easy or I have been doing a job that is just not suited to my personality for the past 20 years. I know there are a lot of people in science who feel ripped off because they were pushed by faculty to stay with it, not to help the students, but to help the faculty. Getting a Ph.D. in science is only for someone who has no problem giving up everything for their job, not for everyone who likes science. I had a professor tell me he believed everyone should get a Ph.D. in their field. These professors all live in fantasy worlds about what such a degree is actually worth, if you are not obsessed with your field, getting a Ph.D. can damage your career. Most professors will get angry or condescending if you suggest that doing things differently than they did might be best for you. I think most of them are control freaks, that is why they became professors, not to help people, but to feel in charge. It also makes it miserable working with these people.

[Gladys]

Dear hanginon,

I accept you have done all you can to conquer your fears. I don't know if you've ever taken time out for yourself, but you have you'll know that anxiety can be a cylical thing. You stress so you stop your stressor. When you've had a rest, you go back to the stress, until it builds up and stresses you out again. Then you take a rest, etc.

If you been there, that is have rested, and then gone back into the situation you find stressful, you have a number of choices. You can either work with the stress to overcome it. You may decide, however, that you don't want to face it. I don't blame you for that. Life is not just about physical existence, but it's quality. If you don't have that or have the circumstances to discover it in your present position, then you have to find it.

I assume you have a passion for teaching (and whether you can believe it or not, great capabilities in the academic world). I have found that my bouts of anxiety are diminished when I do something I have a passion for. Therefore, if I were you I would use my teaching qualification to my advantage. I would become a supply teacher and work for an agency (I live in the UK) to enable a certain amount of flexibility in my life. However, if teaching was no longer a field I wished to work in, I would see what else I was qualified to do. For example, if I taught school in the UK, I would also be qualified for a career with the Probation Service.

You say that the job is not suited to your personality. Still, you've done the job for twenty years, so I can't help thinking you're a very good teacher who is in that horrible limbo of experiencing anxiety, that only you can recognise.

The thing is, your coping mechanisms for anxiety may be your downfall. You could lose your job through drink and it's effects (do you know how many people who have drink problems also have mental health issues?) It's not just drink. Anxiety can successfully mask your capabilties; to you, and pull your self - esteem even lower. It can also present the wrong impression to other people, so maybe you need an out before the job gets you out.

What I've written is quite serious, and I'm not proud of myself for telling you to leave your job. However, I know that you could be content with yourself and other people elsewhere.

I'm also thinking that this site maybe just a place for you to vent your anxious feelings, but continue in that negative safety so many people live in. I don't mind you doing that. I think the Anxiety Forum is for helping us cope with our everyday lives, in order to make changes or not.

Best wishes



Gladys

[hangingon]

I know there is wisdom in what you say, I hope I can apply it. I should probably clarify some things. The truth is I have only been teaching for five years, the other 15 were spent in university and post-doctoral lab bench research. I had barely any training in teaching until I got my first teaching job. I might have the passion for it if I haven't been working 80 hours a week, putting on 20 lbs a year and feeling like I have the flu or mono half the time. I rarely drink alcohol. It has helped with public speaking the times I have drank before-hand, but 90% of the time I need my brain and concentration at full-power, so drinking is out of the question. For the most part, I use heavy doses of caffeine and sugar to keep me awake and focused working 80 hours a week while feeling like I have the flu.

There are probably ways of managing my time by being a less effective teacher...it doesn't seem to matter anyways, since I am supposed to keep a C average in the class no mater how much I help them. I have professors get upset at me because I pay attention to problem areas or unclear instructions. I am supposed to leave the problem areas alone and see which students can figure it out on their own...the less clear you make the instructions, the easier it is to weed students out. You aren't supposed to write lab instructions on the board, you are supposed to just rattle them off quickly and see which students can remember them. And you *definitely* do not want to be seen as easier than other professors in the department. If the students can't hack it, then they should drop.

I don't know, maybe this tough teaching philosophy is for the best, but I do not enjoy doing it. I know it is not this way in all university departments, but most chemistry professors tend to be like this. Right now I am quite heavy in weight and I really doubt I can put up with the fatigue of losing weight while trying to deal with time-management being tough on people which stresses me out as much as my obsessiveness with teaching class really well. The only time I have ever lost weight consistently (over 10 lbs without it going back on) is when I am not teaching or taking classes, because both of these are so open-ended...it is very easy to use up all your time to do better. The problem I have with time management is that I always feel very depressed and anxious that I am not being fair to my students and making them unhappy, that I am not doing things that I should be and it is going to cause me a lot of trouble. I get very depressed and anxious when students are unhappy, or even thinking about it, even though I know it doesn't bother other professors that much.

I can intellectually know other teachers manage their time and do not freak out over it, but I still have this nagging in the back of my mind that drains me and makes me nauseated. I do appreciate your advice and know there is helpful information in what you've said and will try to digest it. I just don't think I can be happy at a job where you are expected to make your job your life and top priority, when there is so much you hate about it. I know I could eventually overcome the big problems I have with teaching, to the point of making it managable, but I don't know if I would enjoy it then and I am worried I will become a lot heavier and more emotionally frayed in the years that it takes. I have not found it enjoyable the last five years.

Honestly, I got into teaching because I didn't see any other option. No one else was hiring and my debt was becoming unmanagable on my post-doc income. I probably should have just stayed at my post-doc and learned to live on a shoe-string budget, but I felt unhappy even then (though not nearly as unhappy as when I was teaching) and spent a lot of money entertaining myself. I have a horrible time making decisions and sticking to them and it all seems like such a tangled puzzle, but I keep trying to solve it.

[Gladys]

Dear hangingon,

It sounds as if you're a good teacher, who's acutely aware of themselves and of others needs. Unfortunately, policy, procedure and your peers don't seem to agree with your thinking. I think if a student needs to study what is a problem area for them, they need to be made aware of that issue, then go and study that problem for themselves. I know that's not an ideal for you, but you do need to learn to be selfish. That's not always a bad thing.

You say you're indecisive. How can you not be when you seem to see the right in so many viewpoints; the students', school policy, your own way of working and what other staff members are telling you? It seems to me that to save yourself, you need to agree with school policy somewhat.

As for dealing with the symptoms of anxiety, I believe it's all down to our attitude. You, like me, don't seem to be highly motivated in the area of coping with anxiety (I just want it to go away). With this in mind, I asked someone else to take a look at 'How I Beat Anxiety' on the Depression Forum. It's not just the method they used to deal with their anxiety, but the mindset behind it they explain in a more articulate way than I ever could.

Best wishes



Gladys