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Thread: I need to vent

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Unhappy I need to vent

    Hello. I hope there are others who share a similar story as mine on these forums. I have had social anxiety problems ever since I was a young child. At first, growing up I was fine but very hyper and had quite a few friends. As I got older, around 6th grade or so, my parents got divorced, and this is when my anxiety rocketed sky-high. Before middle school I was always a little sensitive, and got easily upset. I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, but people always tell me they think I don't have it. I was very confused, being with divorced parents and learning about this new "disease" I thought I had, along with being teased so many years for being socially awkward. I have had anger problems in the past, and even remembered wanting to hurt others who bothered me, although I could never bring myself to do it. My pent up anger and confusion made me feel hopeless, but today Ive become so used to it. That doesn't really help though, I just feel like I never really connected with the right people and got everything off my chest. I have an inferiority complex and I have very little to no self esteem. I feel weak and stupid. This makes me hate the world sometimes, and not want any part of it.

    Edit: I'm 21 now but I can't seem to shake these horrible feelings. :/
    Last edited by Awkward; 04-18-2011 at 08:13 PM.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
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    Hi there. I'm sorry you're going thru this alone. I can completely relate to that feeling unfortunately. :-( I have a lot of pent up anger myself related to my childhood and severe anxieties. I have often thought about beating the crap out of people who bother me, but it's just a thought. I would never act on these thoughts either. As someone else said to me on this forum, I think you could strongly benefit from a therapist who is there for you only. Sounds like you need to find a good one as in the past you haven't had a good one?I too was a happy child w/ lots of friends until I hit the 6th grade. My parents didnt' get divorced, but I wished they would. They argued and screamed at each other daily and still do, which is why I moved as far away from them as possible. I'm not an expert on Asperger's syndrome, however I do have a Master's degree in which I did research on the Autism spectrum of disorders. I don't think it really matters if you do/don't have it at this point. I feel like you just need someone to say, "it's okay."

    Perhaps someone else on this forum could recommend some good literature for you to read on social anxiety disorder and Asperger's? Or your therapist could. I, personally, feel that knowledge is power. Screw what other people say to you, and know for yourself what's going on.

    Hang in there. You are NOT alone. Keep coming here to vent as much as you need to. It helps to know you're not the only one.

  3. #3
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    The therapist I had did work, but after a while it wasn't as helpful so I stopped seeing one. The medication I'm on works the best it can, but I can't go relying on medicine to solve my problems, only give me a lift. Sorry about your parents arguing alot when you were around them. That must have been horrible.

    Thank you for your kind words and support. I hope you find peace with yourself as well.

    -Gina

  4. #4
    Junior Member
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    Hey guys,

    I can relate a lot to the both of you. I get so angry sometimes that I become enraged. I think about seriously hurting and even killing the person that I'm mad at, but I would never EVER go through with those actions. As a child, I had constant ear infections. They did a bunch of tests on me and because I had very weak eye contact and I'd become fixated on one object..They thought I had Asperger's. My parents wouldn't settle for that answer and they came to find out, that I just couldn't hear through the fluid in my ears. A few months later my ear infections stopped and I could hear. I didn't learn to talk until I was 4, and I had an IEP until 4th grade for a delay in speech development. I went through and completed speech therapy and I am left with a stutter that hinders my ability to communicate with people that I'm not comfortable with. As a child, my stutter was terrible, I got picked on and teased on a regular basis. For some reason, I was still a very happy child. I had a lot of friends, and the stutter didn't really start affecting my self esteem until I was in 6th grade. Now if you talk to me, you can't tell I have one. I can tell when I'm about to stutter on a word and I quickly think of a synonym to that word. My boyfriend had no idea I even have a stutter until we went out to dinner and I couldn't order for myself. I kept stammering and stuttering and I finally just pointed to the food on the menu and excused myself to the bathroom. Where I spent the next 15 minutes pulling myself back together out of humiliation. I'm very fortunate that my boyfriend is supportive and doesn't laugh at me when I get stuck on a word. My parents got a divorce when I was 15, and right then and there I noticed that I was ALWAYS anxious and nervous and worrying about SOMETHING. I still am, to this day. I'm in talk therapy now, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I'm also taking Cymbalta. I'll tell you how it works in a few weeks. I got sick of my anxiety having control over me. I'm 21 now, and its time for me to be in control of my emotions, fears and thoughts. I guess what we ALL have to keep in mine that feeling emotion is NORMAL and HUMAN, but when it gets to a point where it cripples you and stops you from living your life, that's when you have a problem.

 

 

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