Help Please! Politics/Philosophy Causing Anxiety/Depression - Sound Familiar ?

[soc]

I'm getting kind of desperate, have not found anything via Google search, shrink is sympathetic but admits that he has not ever encountered this before. I feel weirdly ashamed for even talking about this but in short:

I've had this problem for a couple years now. I'm a college student studying political science and philosophy at a good public university in the US. I'm very interested in the two subjects, generally an enthusiastic/good student but I find that I often become intensely agitated (and eventually depressed) when reading and wrestling with these issues.

It's hard to elaborate from there, which may be why I find so few people who have experienced this same thing. But to give it a go: basically, I care deeply about issues in polisci/philosophy and tend to have strong opinions about the two. Unfortunately, this means that I tend to get agitated when I read information that contradicts what I think or people who disagree with me. But it's not that I lash out at people who disagree - instead, I get extremely anxious and question myself relentlessly. I go through a cycle of "realizing" that I was "wrong" and telling myself how stupid and evil I am for thinking otherwise. I'm not religious, I don't strongly identify with any sort of ethnicity, etc. and being interested in this sort of stuff, I tend to identify myself with my viewpoint. So when I do this little routine (which happens between daily and weekly, depending on how much work I have), I feel like I don't know who I am, like I am a sham.

I should point out that I have had this "issue" with other subjects. I was very religious as a youth and went through a two year process of realizing that I no longer believed in a god. For most of 7th and 8th grade, I spent my weeks ignoring my schoolwork and torturing myself by reading Richard Dawkins etc. and scouring the internet for rebuttals or trying to write my own, before finally burning out and losing my faith in 9th grade. In high school, I was very into Ayn Rand/libertarianism and, again, went through the same process. Recently, I've swung to the left politically but am still in the midst of that process of challenge and rejection. I can even sort of trace this back to fourth and fifth grade, when I sort of realized that I had sexual urges for the first time. Being so religious, I somehow became convinced that I was going to hell for these urges. I would confess at mass (if you don't know, it's a Catholic thing...) and feel brief respite but then later that week be convinced again that I was damned. Same sort of thing, although it wasn't as much as a debate as just constant obsessive, self-hating thoughts.

I have some theories on what might the connection between all this but I'm still kind of in the dark. I've also had to take economics recently for the first time, and that may have shed some light. Economics depresses me more than anything; part of the reason, I think, is that it takes every mysterious/exciting/wonderful part of life and explains it in terms of selfishness/market exchange/money. When I talk to girls, for example, I find it hard to get my mind off the fact that I'm "maximizing my own self-interest"...I can barely tell my parents that I love them anymore because I keep telling myself that I'm only saying that because I ultimately care about myself only and want their continued emotional and financial support, and consequently I feel like both a fraud and a terrible son. Most nights end with me realizing that I've done almost none of my homework, spent all day on political/econ blogs and realizing that I don't enjoy being alive. I'm even considering switching my major to biology (which I love but have no desire for a career in) because I feel as if I just can't put up with this anymore.

On the upside, it feels good to get all this out there. I'll stop here (believe me, there's way, way more I could spew out) for now but please, if this sounds familiar to anyone...please share whatever knowledge you have. Or anything in a similar vein, obviously doesn't have to be these two subjects but any sort of self-criticism/flagellation.

[gaara]

I'm getting kind of desperate, have not found anything via Google search, shrink is sympathetic but admits that he has not ever encountered this before. I feel weirdly ashamed for even talking about this but in short:

I've had this problem for a couple years now. I'm a college student studying political science and philosophy at a good public university in the US. I'm very interested in the two subjects, generally an enthusiastic/good student but I find that I often become intensely agitated (and eventually depressed) when reading and wrestling with these issues.

It's hard to elaborate from there, which may be why I find so few people who have experienced this same thing. But to give it a go: basically, I care deeply about issues in polisci/philosophy and tend to have strong opinions about the two. Unfortunately, this means that I tend to get agitated when I read information that contradicts what I think or people who disagree with me. But it's not that I lash out at people who disagree - instead, I get extremely anxious and question myself relentlessly. I go through a cycle of "realizing" that I was "wrong" and telling myself how stupid and evil I am for thinking otherwise. I'm not religious, I don't strongly identify with any sort of ethnicity, etc. and being interested in this sort of stuff, I tend to identify myself with my viewpoint. So when I do this little routine (which happens between daily and weekly, depending on how much work I have), I feel like I don't know who I am, like I am a sham.

I should point out that I have had this "issue" with other subjects. I was very religious as a youth and went through a two year process of realizing that I no longer believed in a god. For most of 7th and 8th grade, I spent my weeks ignoring my schoolwork and torturing myself by reading Richard Dawkins etc. and scouring the internet for rebuttals or trying to write my own, before finally burning out and losing my faith in 9th grade. In high school, I was very into Ayn Rand/libertarianism and, again, went through the same process. Recently, I've swung to the left politically but am still in the midst of that process of challenge and rejection. I can even sort of trace this back to fourth and fifth grade, when I sort of realized that I had sexual urges for the first time. Being so religious, I somehow became convinced that I was going to hell for these urges. I would confess at mass (if you don't know, it's a Catholic thing...) and feel brief respite but then later that week be convinced again that I was damned. Same sort of thing, although it wasn't as much as a debate as just constant obsessive, self-hating thoughts.

I have some theories on what might the connection between all this but I'm still kind of in the dark. I've also had to take economics recently for the first time, and that may have shed some light. Economics depresses me more than anything; part of the reason, I think, is that it takes every mysterious/exciting/wonderful part of life and explains it in terms of selfishness/market exchange/money. When I talk to girls, for example, I find it hard to get my mind off the fact that I'm "maximizing my own self-interest"...I can barely tell my parents that I love them anymore because I keep telling myself that I'm only saying that because I ultimately care about myself only and want their continued emotional and financial support, and consequently I feel like both a fraud and a terrible son. Most nights end with me realizing that I've done almost none of my homework, spent all day on political/econ blogs and realizing that I don't enjoy being alive. I'm even considering switching my major to biology (which I love but have no desire for a career in) because I feel as if I just can't put up with this anymore.

On the upside, it feels good to get all this out there. I'll stop here (believe me, there's way, way more I could spew out) for now but please, if this sounds familiar to anyone...please share whatever knowledge you have. Or anything in a similar vein, obviously doesn't have to be these two subjects but any sort of self-criticism/flagellation.

PM me, i have a shitload to say about waht you're going through..

[Ratzinger]

Wow, I have just joined the forum, but I have very similar experiences! I am also very political. I have just completed my MA in Politics, and am working as a writer, blogging, writing columns and have nearly finished a book. I have moved from the left to the libertarian right, so I have moved in the opposite direction to you! This requires me to be up to date on political knowledge, I spend a lot of my time either reading to keep myself informed, writing what I have to write, or thinking a lot about the various issues that confront us.

During my MA extremely mild anxiety would come from time to time, and I had some insomnia, but didn't make the connection with politics. It stopped when I started working full time, but over the last few months I have started suffering from proper anxiety attacks. I don't want to pretend to be an expert here, as I am still not over mine, but I wanted to share with you some thoughts and experiences I have had.

I don't believe politics is the only thing that has caused my anxiety, but I would say it has played a significant part. I have never found something that occupies my brain quite as much as politics. I find that long after I have finished working on or reading something, my mind will still be going over what I have read. I imagine what my response would be if someone posed me a question on an issue, or I try and explain a concept in my head. Things that are interesting will stick with me, and new thoughts and new questions will pop out of that. It's a beautiful thing but it also means the mind is working a lot. After a while, the mind gets used to working overtime, and it can be difficult to settle down from that.

Also, as you know politics gets one more passionate than on other things! If someone I disagree with has written something, then I might find myself stewing over it for hours, an argument with someone might get my heart racing etc Even listening to people I agree with may have me angry at the policy that they also disagree with. Additionally, the fact that I am a writer, and work a lot from home means that I used to sleep irregular and few hours, not go out much and socialise less than I usually would, leading to a lack of serotonin. It contributes to a world where I am in a political bubble, and it can quickly lead to anxiety - in my case it has done.

While I still have anxiety (as I said, I joined this forum today), I am learning to deal with it and am on the way to moving past it (I hope).

One way is to try and not let other opinions bother me so much. This is easier said than done, but perhaps try and come at it from their point of view, or if they are totally ridiculous, just laugh to yourself and let it move past you. You said you spend a lot of time on blogs - If you read a blog DO NOT go on comment boxes. Comment boxes are full of extreme, pointless rhetoric, and you can get caught up for hours in them, arguing with trolls over nothing in particular. Also, be careful of keeping track of too many blogs. If some are useless, then get rid of them, don't waste your time.

Also, distinguish between different types of politics. Listening to a Talk radio host is going to get you more wound up than reading an economic history of Belgium! So, only allow yourself a certain amount of partisan political reading or whatever. Maybe even apply a "no politics before bed" rule if you are struggling with sleep.

One vital thing I have learnt (and I almost should have put this on the top it is so important) is to take significant breaks where you distract yourself completely from politics. I don't just mean turn the blogs off and sit there thinking about them and stewing, I mean do something (productive or unproductive) that places your mind SOMEWHERE ELSE. Play a video game for a few hours, watch a tv show that makes you laugh and takes your mind off it, hang out with friends who have no interest in politics - it is very easy to only be friends with people who want to argue politics! I for instance have started reading comic books - something I have never had any interest in - but the trips to the store, the people I chat to there, the simple hobby of reading them, all take my mind away from politics and allow me to settle down. I also watch a lot of "Friends", which takes my mind off politics and makes me laugh.

Although I have no real experience of the self-loathing you talk about, it doesn't surprise me that you would start seeing everything in political/economic terms, and that living in a political bubble will wear you down and exhibit itself in various forms. You need to break out of that bubble. I know a few people who work in politics in different role, and all say the same thing about getting one's mind off it. As a notable example, when Rush Limbaugh goes away on holiday, he often won't even turn on the news, in order to break that bubble.

Politics is wonderful. I have had opportunities to quit and do something else, but I stick with it as I find it fascinating, and it is a way to do good. But it took me a long time to realise that it is something that is more intense than it looks, and if you don't take control of it, it can result in some nasty results. Please feel free to PM me, and I hope this helps.

[ss_worrier]

Wow, for quite some time I've been convinced I was the only one struggling with this issue from time to time. I'm a polisci/econ-major with a passionate special interest in a certain geographic area of the world, I'm in my early twenties and I am very proud to say that I already published one book and a couple of actual academic papers on my subject. I want to believe I did all this in spite of and not because of my fear of not being good enough/not constantly excelling. Anyhow, when it comes to arguing with other people, even though I am completely convinced that I have facts on my side, I tend to worry A LOT and get very worked up simply over the fact that there are people out there who disagree with me and who don't seem to realize when "I'm right" (which I know is complete bs but which seems true in my mind at the time). It gets especially bad over certain subjects, it used to be worse when I was younger though. I got into politics when I was around 14 years old, and needless to say, even though I was mature for my age it sometimes got problematic for me to handle that other people can actually hold other views than you no matter how convinced you may be that you're right. I regard myself to be a sort of "South Park Republican" believing in both social and economic freedom, and living in Europe this has meant that most people I meet will in fact differ with me on issues such as the welfare state et cetera. What I've tried to teach myself to realize is that this will happen all throughout life. You will meet people whose views you don't share, it's an inevitable part of life and living in a democratic society it is something that you should even see as a healthy sign (easier said than done though). In a best case scenario you will even enjoy it. It's up to us how we choose to handle the situations, because how we feel and interpret situations is to a large extent entirely up to us. In either case, it's inevitable and we'd better get used to it. That does not mean we should accept the chronic suffering, though.

[soc]

Thanks for the responses - figured that I wouldn't get any! Sorry about the tardiness on my part. Still figuring this out. The advice is all good stuff, although I think I'm going to have to do some more fundamental change. After all, it just happens to be these areas this time. Who knows? If I start doing bio, I might get into the debates about gene theory or something. Although it is good to sometimes just have fun, and not think about anything serious, as was pointed out.

Anyways: I'll post with any progress or any thoughts that you guys might find helpful. Also, fyi, started wellbutrin per my doctor's recommendation. Perhaps good for other mental issues but I don't think depression with strong elements of anxiety is one - it seems to magnify the latter effects. I'd stay away from it, I'm looking into a more depressant type of meds atm. But the no meds route has been tried enough at this point, methinks.

[shabbyboo]

Hello everyone

I feel very similar to you all and have a few theories of my own- although I'm no expert myself! After reading these posts and assessing my own situation with regards to anxiety I do believe a few common elements are true here. Primarily I believe that deep down you all have perfectionism tendancies ( myself included ) with perhaps some self esteem issues and maybe social anxiety too. I believe they are all linked together. Also this can lead to obsessive thinking patterns and being extremely self critical. Also I'd like to add that I too studied politics and sociology - a bit of a weird pattern here, isn't there?!

[soc]

Another thought: if you feel comfortable sharing, do any of you guys take meds or have you?

[JaneB]

Hi! As one who studied Philosophy pretty extensively in undergrad (and who suffers from GAD) I can understand how rough it can be when you start witnessing your preconceived worldviews being shattered into may little pieces and reorganized into something barely comprehensible even to yourself at times. I think part of being so anxious - at least for me - is a strong desire for order (or perfection, like shabbyboo says). And then when you start seeing how some of the greatest minds that ever lived describe the world... it can be unsettling.

Since a lot has been written in response I'll keep it brief. What helped me out was studying happiness as an academic topic. Most of what I studied was very materialist (in the neuro-philosophic sense, not the shopping sense) and it started to make me a little crazy - like there is no difference between the mind and body. So I took a class that discussed aristotle's views on happiness and friendships and such (which are great topics) and I took an eastern philosophy course.

Zen is the art of being able to think about only one thing. Man, when I first studied that it was a revelation. And always remember that the end motivation of all human action, is the desire for happiness. Haha I know, pie in the sky. =)