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  1. #21
    Stiffy23 as far as a professional gtta find the right one that deals with anxiety/panic the others jst talk! They all hav differant veiws. I found one thats been a huge help for me. The bad thing abt xanax ( benzos) is they r for as needed only use. Thats why ive gone to a antidepressant! One thing for sure ur not alone, there is lots of us! Its helps to talk abt it not keep it all inside. Im here too!!

  2. #22
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    How are u doing?

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by anxiousaimee View Post
    Rather than a "deal with it" approach, I prefer to use an "accept it" approach.
    Telling myself I can deal with it, automatically sets up the whole fight or flight response, panic is kicking in early, coz there's something I have to deal with, something i can't avoid! I prefer to tell myself I don't need to deal with it, because it's ok. No matter what happens, it's ok. It's a choice, if you freak out, you don't have to deal with or battle it, just allow it to happen.
    When I get out of bed in the morning, even in the summer, the temperature is always lower as soon as I peel back the blankets, but I don't need to deal with it or fight it, and start frantically searching for a cardigan, I'm perfectly fine with varying degrees of temperature.
    So when I go outside, if I meet a friend, if I have to sit in a bar, my insides are going to be way on the other end of the scale than what they are when I'm safe and relaxed in bed, but that's ok, it's different, if everything in the world felt the same, it would be boring. Their just feelings inside, their ok. The feeling of terror is just that, another feeling, so like all other feelings, joy, excitement, content.... it's ok.
    This follows the ACT instead of CBT theory. Acceptance Commitment Theory is where you accept what you are thinking and you learn to work with them, instead of against them. There is a really good book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Morris about it with worksheets. I was told by my mental health team manager that ACT works better with mindfulness than CBT, and I think he is right.
    Just a suggestion if you would like to have a look at it. The Happiness Trap has a website too.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by jusroc View Post
    Most the time people worry about being judged by people who aren't half as decent as themselves anyway. And when the people are decent, then it is likely that they will not treat you badly anyway.

    The way I look at it is if a person is being nasty because in essence they are nasty, then they can go fuck them selves, and the problem is all there's, even if they are bullying you and getting people to gang up on you, remember, it is the bullies that are the bigot ass holes and not you.

    If you have done nothing wrong and people are simply picking on you with out good reason. Then you have nothing to be ashamed about. It is the bullies that should be ashamed.

    In essence, remember these words. "Fuck em!"
    Have a good day.
    In my life, this approach has had mixed good and bad results. I find it too easy to fall into mentally classifying anyone who seems threatening as "not as cool as me" or otherwise imagine them to be jerks (whether or not they really are) in an effort to respond to the feelings caused in me by being around strangers. I don't want to be a person who sees myself as better than anyone, and essentially I'm always worrying about being judged- but "fuck 'em" seems to go too far if I internalize it as a habit and don't realize that now suddenly I'M the one judging for no (good) reason.

  5. #25
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    As in- I still want to keep my distance from others, but because I've forced myself to interact despite this strong desire to hide, I find reasons to keep my distance from people anyway. Get a "thick skin" or an "idgaf" attitude because I'm in fact too raw to even let myself care about what they're thinking of me, positive or not.

  6. #26
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    I agree that the "F*** off" and "I will deal with it" strategies are likely to to invite panic in certain personality types. Acceptance is a nicer strategy. Tell yourself "those are just my silly anxious thoughts. They're completely irrational," and then try to redirect your thought pattern elsewhere. You can even try to rationalise them in your head if they're sticking around. I often ask myself "what if [worst case scenario happens]". What if I stammer when I'm reading in front of the class? Will everyone suddenly gang up on me and think I'm an idiot? No, of course they won't!

  7. #27
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    If I resort to thinking in terms of negative Terms ... I will escalate from there. As for any one System that makes claims other another, my warning bells will go off. I think strategies can be as effective or ineffective as medicine ... it depends on the person make up , extent of the problem and also willingness to get well. I personally don't like the sales technique on the home page of the happiness trap and I rarely pay for self help information ... but that's just me. In saying that ... I like the line of thinking about how modern day society is always pumped up to be happy and how those that are not, are considered sad & sorry individuals who just need more things to make them happy. Consumerism is the happiness trap.

    Again though ... finding answers in a world that sells religion, spiritualism and now, mindfulness can be extremely confusing. It's not the subject matter that's the issue, it's the way people hand that stuff out that I'm done with. "Distrust" ranks as one of my highest triggers that has over the years pushed me into an unhappy level of paranoia that broils just under the surface ... unfortunately my fear can be rather defensive with the last thing as my copping strategy ... is thinking of who is right and wrong ... that in is the thinking pattern that sets me up to trigger.

    What do I do ... as a long term suffer, when I am feeling anger when the walls close in ... I try to avoid eye contact ... for me that helps me not to explode & I won't tolerate any one theory telling me it's not my solution (still a nit peeved and that website sales pitch) Affirmations ... YEA! If that works for you then GOOD ... I use them sometime to bring myself down and also make myself feel better. Who cares if they are not the long term solution and I disagree that anyone can make such a claim. The repetition with words are used by add companies to brainwash people and judging by the amount of sheep wasting their money out there, I'd say its a good indication that repetition works. Hell we beat ourselves up so often that the very repetition of doing so make it so damn hard to break the pattern ... therefore saying something nice on a regular bases seems like a good idea ... even having then put up on the wall.

    I have do use mindfulness ... but only in ways that appeal to me. I don't have a problem with my problem ... I take medication, do therapy and so as to accept living in a world that I believe has a problem. Perhaps one day when I get better at it, by developing my own strategies and so on, I may adopt other approaches. I think being very mindful of anger helps me ... as fear & anger seem to manifest easily from each-other ...

    My daughter has just been proposed to ... and whilst I am very happy for her ... I am extremely sick thinking about such a gathering ... so to wrap up my handling technique:

    Will most likely keep eye contact to a minimum (I'll try not to be obvious or rude)
    Yes ... I will most like give myself a few positive affirmations (think positively but only as much to counter my negative pattern. Like a visualization of me actually handling things OK)
    I won't engage in conversation, but do my best to reply politely if asked a question (I'm a reserved guy with issues ... If they can not respect that, then yes, it's their problem not mine - but don't get drawn into those who take offense by my reserved nature)
    Prepare myself for the fact that we humans don't always get along ... and especially with family members/alcohol and the like.

    I tried talking with my daughter but she cried thinking I was only thinking of me ... that kind of backfired on me, but I think she understands I'm just scared and it's why I can't get a job and medicated, bla bla (I DON'T DO FUNERALS EITHER)

    Deal with the Religious side to it (no offense it's a massive trigger with me) ... Was beaten and abuse under the religious banner ...

    And no doubt much more to consider, like how I'm not going to look good enough for others ... SIGH ... such a chore please others these days. lol
    Seating ... Escape route ... and so on.
    ______________________________________________

    No offense intended with my stereotyping peoples ... srry about that ... that's just how that secnario would work for me and in fact, I should place all my outings like that ... Traffic really sets me off and peope in gerneral today are just so flighty that I need to accept that as well. Sometimes forcing myself to smile, for the sake of just stopping myself from yelling or giving death stares can work, however you have to watch it does not turn into a sharks grin intent on yea yea ... whatever, I'm still going to rip you to pieces you good for....bla bla and lots of acid from there ...

    Just try and do more of what makes me calm down and think pleasant thoughts ... does not have to be happy ... I agree that happy is overrated ... I don't mind having a laugh, but I get the idea of the happiness trap although I don't like the sales pitch.

    Edit ... Note whilst I may sound very angry ... I have done a lot not to get arrested these days ... foosbarrraaaaarrr or however it goes ... the much problem with suppressing "frustration" so it's not manifested anger is that Depression sets in hard ... So dealing with depression is a major factor! ... Routine and walking for me ... when I am up to it. Yea I am up to it!

    That's my 2 cents ... and thanks for your feed back guys. Interesting thread and read.
    Dave.
    Last edited by Ponder; 10-09-2013 at 02:24 AM.

  8. #28
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    yes i agree completely

  9. #29
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    It's not what you say, but how you say it.

  10. #30
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    I tell the anxiety to fuck off but it gets too overwhelming sometimes

 

 

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