Used to be agoraphobic and now the anxiety's back

[morocia]

After highschool I married. I was going to go to college, but told myself that I'd rather get married. Although I do love my husband, I can see now that that was a bad choice since I was so young. However, I don't regret it. We moved into an upstairs apartment and after I lost my job, he was the only one working. I never left the apartment. And if I did, it was only to go to my mother's house or to ride in our car. I started noticing something was wrong when I couldn't go into stores. If I tried to, or if I did go against my will...just so my husband wouldn't question my weird behavior; I would have a panic attack. (And as all of you know, that's quite embarassing in public) Shortly after, our landlady raised our rent and since I didn't have a job, we had to move in with my parents. After that I wouldn't even step outside and if I did it was very hard to do. Finally my parents started telling me I should go to college. One weekend I just decided, okay I'm going to go. (That's usually what happens...I make snap decisions with no thoughts about it) I was excited until now. Tomorrow I start my first day and I'm flipping out. I'm still going, everything's paid for and I don't waste money.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I've always been dependent. First I depended on my parents and now, my husband. Tomorrow I will be alone. It's just really scary.

How can I calm myself down and get over this? Having an anxiety attack on my first day will be awful. I graduated three years ago and haven't been around more than 6 people at a time. What do I do?

[asdf3312]

I think it's awesome that even though you have these problems, you are still going back to school! It will be difficult at first, but maybe going to school will make you more comfortable with being out in public and being around groups of people.

[kayin]

Good for you for getting out of the house, you can do it! I know it might be hard but you should be proud of yourself for taking the first step!

[ercl]

Congrats on facing your fear!! It's natural to be nervous...once you get there, you will feel so great about taking that step in your life that is just for you!! Your self confidence will be boosted and I think you will feel stronger. If you feel anxious, step out and go to the restroom. I noticed that I feel better when I sit near a window or door...I don't feel so closed in. You CAN do it...and it will be amazing