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  1. #1
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    Romantic Anxiety

    Hi Everyone,

    This is my first post. I've had the same problem since I was in middle school, and I've never really had a successful diagnosis or found a way to deal with it. I have what I like to call romantic anxiety.

    I don't have any problem meeting people of the opposite sex, and I also can be quite flirtatious. But for some reason, whenever I start getting a positive reaction out of someone (i.e. they start to show interest) I start getting severe anxiety. Maybe not immediately; I can handle it for a little while, but it always ends up with me getting anxious. I honestly have no idea why - I haven't had any scarring breakups or events that would seem to have caused this.

    The worst part is, it seems most often to manifest itself in the form of nausea. I have a very weak gag reflex, and on many occasion have had to fight vomiting when I am with someone in an intimate situation. Sometimes I actually do end up throwing up, but luckily I've never done it in front of anyone - I always manage to excuse myself or fend it off until I'm alone.

    This basically makes first dates awful for me, because I spend the whole time being vaguely nauseous - eating dinner is tortuous. I almost always come up with some excuse, like that I haven't been feeling well or something along those lines, to explain my lack of appetite.

    Continuing, this also persists (and is perhaps worse) during breakups. I simply am nauseous for days with the thought of whatever girl I am/was involved with. Sometimes I lose a little weight.

    I think it is also prudent to mention that I have never been in a serious, involved relationship. I have never had a girlfriend that actually lasted for a decent period of time. Where I'm going with this is, I've never gotten "comfortable" with a girl; i.e., gotten to the point where she doesn't make me nauseous when I think about it too much. I'm almost afraid that I'll never be comfortable with anyone - that this nausea won't go away regardless of how long I'm with someone.

    I'm posting here because I'm just so tired of this. It's really affecting my quality of life. I'm only 21, and I shouldn't be scared of this romantic stuff - I should be enjoying it. But I just can't conquer this nausea. It's gotten to the point where I almost want to avoid romantic situations just so I don't have to worry about this. But then I'll go some time without being involved with anyone, think that maybe I've conquered my anxiety, and try again. No such luck.

    Finally, when I have a bit of alcohol in my system, this anxiety goes away completely. I have no qualms about being intimate with someone when I'm drunk (which I'm not often - not endorsing alcohol, folks, just adding input to my problem). Case in point, a girl that I'm interested in was texting me about coming over to my place the other night while I was on my way back from some bars. Normally, this would really get my stomach in a knot (regardless of the fact that I would love to have her over) but since I wasn't completely sober, I was 100% fine. I wish I could harness that for day-to-day life, but I don't know how.

    Does anyone have similar problems/know someone that does? I just need to know that I'm not alone and there might be something that I can do about this.

  2. #2
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    Aug 2010
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    Your not the only one! I am 21 and I get the exact same thing. Doctors have never diagnosed it (one doctor actually told me there was nothing wrong with me and that I was just being crazy!). Anxiety runs in my family, so I have always just been told to suck it up and deal with it. So unfortunately I am not sure what to tell you for treating it.

    Though, my anxiety started out as anything that scared me (high school, big tests etc) for the last few years, I only feel anxious when I am in any sort of romantic situation. I have only been on 2 dates in the last 7 years, one of which I had to excuse myself for most of dinner to throw up in the restaurant's bathroom. I have no problem when I meet new guys, but once I start to have feelings for them, or think they may have feelings for me, even thinking about them makes me sick. I have tried alcohol to make the feelings go away, but it actually doesn't work for me.

    Hope this helps you feel a little less alone in what your going through!

  3. #3
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    Apr 2011
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    Hello,

    This may be a little late, but I am the exact same way as you. I am only seventeen years old but I have severe anxiety when I am in an intimate situation with a guy.
    I think it may all be in my head, but whenever I'm around certain guys, I get sick, vomiting and nausea. I think it's because I know what they expect of me. I wouldn't mind getting close to him though, but my anxiety stops me. I am perfectly fine when I drink alcohol, but I try not to use it to cure my anxiety.

    I used to see a councellor about my problem, and I was prescribed a pill called Cipralex, to help anxiety, but I've noticed lately I still get that same feeling. I don't want to grow up feeling this way, especially going off to college soon. I really don't know what to do anymore, and since these posts or somewhat older, maybe you've conquered your anxiety and are able to give me a few helpful tips on how to make it all go away.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2011
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    19 and I Have the Same Issues

    I have the same exact issues when it comes to relationships and intimate situations. I thought I was the only one! And whenever I attempted to explain my anxiety in these situations no one else understood.

    Like all of you, I don't have problems meeting guys or talking to them regularly. However once things advance and I find out he wants more than just friendship I get incredibly neasuos, shakey and nervous when I'm around him. It's like my entire body goes into tunnel vision and it's unbearable. Even just the thought of him makes me feel neasuos and gross.

    The first time I realized my body and mind reacted this way was when I had my first "boyfriend" in 7th grade. At first everything was fine, I could hug him and I was fine. It wasn't until it our first kiss, my first kiss, that I developed the anxiety. Tunnel vision took over, my heart was beating out of my chest, I was shakey and neasuos. After the kiss, I couldn't even stand the sight of him, or else I thought I would be sick. This persisted with boyfriends growing up, sometimes I couldn't even hug them! Usually I would memorize their scheule so i could avoid them at all cost. In high school one of them ran up behind me and hugged me from behind, he kissed me check and nestled his head on my shoulder and neck; I was so disgusted I had to shove him off and run to the bathroom to throw up.

    More recently I will go on dates but refuse to look at any social media sites that they may have. I avoid facebook so I don't look at their pictures and get neasuos. And I avoid their twitter just in case they say something that puts me off. It's a way to prevent myself from forming pre conceived notions of the guy and reduce my chances of sabotage. Unfortunately I never get passed the first date; even the thinking about the date afterward makes me extremely sick.

    I don't understand why this has always happened to me and I hate it. Although I did find that alcohol completely takes it all away. But I know that it's only a one night fix and not the solution. I want a serious relationship and I want to be in love. I want to get married and have children. I always tell myself that when I find the right guy, I won't have any anxiety at all. I hope I'm right, but I can only think of one guy that doesn't make ne neasuos; and he's one if my bestdriends who is also in the Marines. I'm not sure why the anxiety happens in romantic situations, but Its comforting knowing I'm not alone in this.

  5. #5
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    Canada
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    I'm 19 and I feel the same way!

    I've never had a serious boyfriend, or even a casual to be honest. When I was 10 I had a boyfriend and when I was 15 I had one that lasted all of a week. I never even kissed him or did anything, and looking back on it, it was definitely to do with anxiety. Whenever I like someone I get really nervous seeing them, wondering what to say and how to act etc. I don't throw up but sometimes I feel like I might, however most of my issues cause stomach aches instead of nausea. Anyways, I feel the exact same way, every time I become close with a guy or start liking one and hanging out with them, I feel sick. Even when I drink I feel nervous [but it definitely tones it down, a lot] when it's someone I like. This has affected me so much that I've only ever kissed guys when I've been drunk because I'm always too nervous when I'm sober/I fear I won't be any good at it.

    All of this anxiety stuff has made me feel like relationships aren't even worth it. But obviously being 19 and too afraid to kiss a guy isn't exactly an ideal situation. I mean I want to get married, have kids, and all that stuff. Which according to health class/science is going to involve things a lot more intimate than kissing.

    The worst part about it is that even if I don't like a guy and I'm one on one with him and I feel like he may like me, I get nervous. Even if I know I'm not going to do anything/nothing is going to happen, I spend the whole time getting sick. I know I can take things like imodium and gravol to settle my stomach but I don't want to be using pills almost every day of my life. I really wish that it could just go away!

  6. #6
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    May 2012
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    i am almost 57 and have had this kind of issue all my life. not to the point of physical illness as some say.. but if a platonic affair goes to the point of........i'm out of there!!!!! i will only converse online (facebook, yahoo mess..). never face to face. i leave my work at work. including any and all who work there. home is my best friend... and the walls i keep around me.. :-)). and no.... i've not had sex for.........years!!! lols

  7. #7
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    Jun 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by randynflint
    i am almost 57 and have had this kind of issue all my life. not to the point of physical illness as some say.. but if a platonic affair goes to the point of........i'm out of there!!!!! i will only converse online (facebook, yahoo mess..). never face to face. i leave my work at work. including any and all who work there. home is my best friend... and the walls i keep around me.. :-)). and no.... i've not had sex for.........years!!! lols
    Hi am John if u ever want a chat am on Facebook it's keightley John my name

  8. #8
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    Sep 2012
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    Hi, this is my first post on here but I had to post because I have exactly the same thing and thought I was alone in this! For some strange reason when I was 16 and had my first boyfriend my body responded by making me feel and be sick, to the point when I had to break up with him, and then it stopped. I didn't even realise it was anxiety at first but the same happened again when I started to go out with someone else. Needless to say, this really put me off dating (I once had to run to the toilets to be sick during a date at the cinema and nearly didnt make it) and since then I have basically avoided dating or having a boyfriend. I also find being drunk helps but obviously don't want to rely on this, and can't be drunk throughout a whole relationship! I've no idea why my body reacts like this and it really gets me down, especially because I feel like I cant really talk to other people about it as noone else seems to have it. I'm 23 now, outgoing in other areas of my life ie. friends, job etc and lots of people say i'm attractive and wonder why i'm single and haven't had a boyfriend for ages (my gran even asked if i was a lesbian??), so it's not like I don't have offers it's more a case of me rejecting people because i knoe it will bring on the sickness and anxiety and i dont feel i can deal with it. I've never had bad experiences before with relationships/ been abused in the past or anything like that so no idea why i reacted like this the first time I got a boyfriend. I think now i've got to the point where i've avoided having a boyfriend for so long it's built up into a real phobia which i can't see myself overcoming I know everyone gets scared going into relationships and nervous before dates etc, but my fear is so bad i know i'll actually probably be sick on the date, going for a meal would be my worst nightmare. Does anyone else feel like this? I also want a family and kids one day and feel like this is ruining my life. If anyone has any advice to help with this, or even just wants to PM me to share experiences, feel free! Thanks for reading

  9. #9
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    Oct 2012
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    I feel exactly like you Jenny. I can't give any advice because I'm still trying to cope with it.
    I'm functional and confident in almost every other aspect of my life but THIS is still something I have to deal with. Since I was a teenager I tend to fall for guys that i know (or think) will never like me in that way. And if I'm wrong (happens sometimes) and I get a positive response to my interest, than I start to feel overly anxious and just "run" from it.

  10. #10
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    Aug 2012
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    Hello, another who knows how your feeling here my anxiety at first was just as bad as everyone else's here, my only way of tricking myself out of the initial stages was to pretend I had a boyfriend in my head,and that the boy in front of me couldn't possibly be a threat because I had a boyfriend already. that and breathing served to relax my anxiety to the point where I could sit and talk with the boy long enough for the anxiety to subside to a dull murmur.
    And after a few times of doing this, I think the body learns to associate the man/woman as non threatening, and it stops that initial kick of adtenaline.
    Then hopefully of things feel like they want to progress, your able enough to have a conversation about your fears and anxietys with him. Trust me if I've learnt anything about what you have to do to undermine your anxiety, ive learnt to just lay it out there.

    By telling the love interest that you have these fears and issues, and explaining that there as confusing to you as they are to them, you relieve some of the fear instantly.
    I hope this helps

 

 

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