Jumping on the medication wagon. Anti-D diary. Pristiq

[lawandorder]

I have succumbed to jumping on the medication path, after a year + of suffering with on and off, severe to mild anxiety.
I'm seeing a psychologist, she has helped a lot, I've been on here on and off for a while taking advice and contributing my two cents here and there.
I've been trying to keep my head out of the water for so long that I'm just worn out, mildy depressed and that's not getting better. I want the happy me back, and I'm sick of waking up every morning no matter what I do thinking 'how do i feel today, just get up and get on with it, everythings gonna be ok etc.'
My derealization comes on and off and is more annoying than anything but it certainly contributes to the depression because I feel somewhat disconnected. And I hate that the most.
While my anxiety since the beginning has lessened enormously, I don't have the same repetitive fears as I used to, and I'm less afraid of being afraid, I'm still getting obsessive thoughts, and that cloud that persists doesn't want to go away.
So, I'm going to give myself a break. Is it the solution? Probably not, but after fighting for so long, I don't see what harm it's going to do. I hope things will be put into perspective a little better, and I won't feel so mentally fragile, treading lightly on thoughts, because the fear of 'going there'. I'm looking for a little more consistency and strength.
Medication was my last resort, and I really did everything I could to get better. And I am better, just not good enough.

Day 1
So I took my first dose of Pristiq 50mg last night around 9... Nothing to report, I had a little anxiety on the drive home around 1am, coz I started thinking about life and how I was at that point where I needed medication. Shrug, what can you do. A semi- wierd nights sleep, but no significant anxiety. No side effects as of yet either.

Will keep you all posted:

p.s Try and refrain preaching about how medication is the devil, and it's harmful and yadadada. You're not me and chances are I've tried everything you have. Let me do my own thing.
Cheers

[lawandorder]

Day 2:
Expected to have more nausea when I took the tablet but have none at all. I can chomp an enormous amount of food, so I did so and took the tablet after dinner as scheduled around 9pm. No side effects still, except that it kept me up until like 2.30am, which I didn't mind seeing how I had nothing to do. But then I woke up at like 8:00, I thought i'd sleep in but clearly not.

Day 3:
Took the tablet last night again after dinner, this time at 6:30 hoping it wouldn't keep me up. It kept me up for a bit, and I fell asleep between 12-1 (12 is my normal bedtime). Again, woke up at 6:40 ish for some reason. Had some wierd dreams that i can't remember. Woke up with morning glory. As I was half asleep I had this intense feeling of doom (similer to the anxiety feeling/depression)... That feeling kind of just faded and I didn't dwell on it which was nice for a change.
I had work today and had these bouts of anxiety (which i'm used to) but they were somewhat masked. It's like my anxiety was trying to come out, it would take a stab, and then subside or fade away.. this happened a few times. Been a fair bit more positive about things too, could be placebo/ just trying to use the medication to it's full capacity.
Only side effects so far are mild insomnia, and sorry, delayed orgasm. Not so bad though.

Still hoping for more relief, I just took my 4th tablet, and seeing how we go.
I wish I could stop obsessing about the way I feel, good and bad. Anxiety has created some bad habits in term of high vigilence on myself. However, if I feel good most of the time, I am hoping I can re-train and stop watching. Then come off the meds with the habit eliminated.
Catchya soon

[kenja]

well you dont want anyone to preach to you, and i see most has respected that so i will also

the best of luck, you will need it mate