I was feeling fine for about a week or so and then it just hit me. I was sitting on my bed looking out onto the city, feeling quite peaceful. I was thinking to myself how i hadn't thought about dying in awile and how nice it was. Then almost instintaniously my heart started beating fast and i got this crushing feeling in my chest. I thought i was going to have a panic attack. This feeling can be so....all consuming. It's so hard to discribe to someone who's never had it. It's like somone has put blinders on you and no matter how hard you try and tell yourself it's not true,your not dying and you do have a future, it still persists. I want very much to just sit and think. Think about my future and the life i could have but i just can't because it feels like someone is whispering in my ear, telling me it will never happen. This impending sense of doom overwhelms me. I know it's not true...but i still can't shake it no matter how hard i try. I don't know why i'm saying all this but it just seems you guys will probably know how it feels. It doesn't really seem like anyone around here really "gets it". Thanks.