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View Poll Results: Who played a big part in the development of your SA?

Voters
231. You may not vote on this poll
  • parent(s)

    75 32.47%
  • other family member(s)

    18 7.79%
  • peers (friends, classmates, coworkers, etc)

    97 41.99%
  • opposite sex (in general)

    21 9.09%
  • same sex (in general)

    3 1.30%
  • other(s)

    17 7.36%
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Results 21 to 30 of 121
  1. #21
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    5
    It was a combination of many things, my parents, sisters, brothers, who always tease me, say I'm weird,think I'm dumb, I'm easy to make fun of, at my expense, everyone gets a laugh, and lack or no friends all my life. I was teased in school, not the popular one. I have never had any true friends, and the few I did have, were not friends, they used me, I'm very soft hearted and was run over by them, as well as co workers, who knew I'd fix things at work, but never asked me out at lunch. So I stay to myself. At 49, I gave up having friends long ago. I have always been anguished about why people don't seem to like me, or want to be friends. I envy my sister who has lots of friends. I am at this age, ok with this, accepted it, and don't get close to anyone, except my husband and doggies. I am the most probably too much, kind hearted, easy going person. So I never could understand this, and gave up understanding it long ago. If you don't like me, or care to be around me, or think I'm fun to poke fun at, that's fine, as long as I like myself.

  2. #22
    I honestly think it's a combination of lots of things, but I voted for peers. The reason being my social anxiety first came when I started high school..that was a very stressful time for me. I had a group of friends, but we weren't very close, I feel as though we stayed with each other for convenience more than anything else. For a few months I was quite badly bullied by this evil older girl - she used to humiliate and threaten me, I remember one time when I was walking outside the school during lunch break she came up behind me, grabbed my hair and pulled it really hard, in front of everyone. I was terrified of her. I do think my family played a part as well though. My parents seperated when I was little, yet they continued living together because apparently my father refused to leave. Because of this, my mother was an emotional wreck, and she took out a lot of her frustrations on me. As I grew up, I had to witness countless arguments and a few incidents that have stuck in my memory still haunt me. Like my mum sticking a knife in the kitchen door repeatedly, my father pinning her to the floor during a bad argument, plate smashing.. I won't go into more detail.

  3. #23
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    10
    It is a toss-up. I was shy as a child. (considered 'cute'. I tell people never ever think shy is cute in your child, make sure they are helped before it affects the rest of their life) Initially when I was about 7 I realized my parents arguing and domestic abuse which escalated over the years. We kids had fun with my Dad when we were really little but as we got older I guess we pleased him less and less. He was a big guy and we learned how to run real fast when he got angry. Of course I feel my Mom betrayed us somewhat by not calling him on his actions and yes a few times not calling the police on him.
    I hit Middle School and was gawky, so got teased and even tho I had friends I just endured going to school each day. When I hit High School the guys started noticing me and then the tables were turned and they are after you for different reasons. But I had my friends and we hung together and I guess protected each other by having each other. Leaving school and entering the workforce was hard and the sexual harassment in the early working years was horrible. Guys that I thought were my friends at work, I found out were talking about me behind my back (sexual) and even didn't come to my aid when I was cornered in a stairwell at work. So betrayal big time.
    I had boyfriends and relationships but the relationships never lasted and after seeing my parents marriage I vowed I'd never marry and bring kids into this world to suffer.
    So who? Parents,schoolmates,coworkers,boyfriends,jerks on the street.
    One great relationship, I was happy and come to find out he was married. Talk about a big betrayal.
    :shock:

  4. #24
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    1
    I haven't really thought about my parents giving me social anxiety, but my schoolmates have always picked on me for being a bit awkward and shy. Since kindergarten I have experienced numerous times when someone would tell me to shut up, or I'd be last to be chosen to play a game, or someone would tell a joke about me, or talk behind my back and a true friend would tell me about this. You know, stuff like that. It's difficult for me to respect people because of this. I used to call adults ma'am and sir but now I don't feel like they deserve my respect. What I've been trying to do is figure out why this is and what I can do to fix it. I know that my expectations are obviously too high--that's one reason. Last night the thought came to me that no one is out there to hurt me. I went over many times when someone hurt me, and I figured that if they were hurting me then they had their own problems. It was me who had to feel sorry for them, not for myself. I'm nervous when I have to do public speaking, but I figured that people are mature enough at my age not to openly make fun of me. I thought "no one is going to hurt me. If I break down and cry then someone will hug me, not laugh."

  5. #25
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    10
    Various people but I feel the number one person responsible is myself - for letting people/things get to me. That and doing drugs exacerbated it.

  6. #26
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    4
    Wow, seems a lot of you have sadly dealt with this since childhood.

    I believe my anxiety came about due to my previous work environment. I had a boss that treated me like crap. She was demeaning, condescending, and confrontational. There was no pleasing her and unfortunately I tend to be a people pleaser. I think I just tried to bend & twist myself to try and make her happy, which was clearly never gonna happen. It pisses me off to no end that I used to be so assertive, so outgoing, and stable...and now I just wish I could get back to the old me.

  7. #27
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    ireland
    Posts
    20

    hi

    Fact is guys I don't think it matters who contributed to it because its there now and You have to deal with it

    all it is now is energy and energy can be moved

    i use eft allot

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  8. #28
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    2
    It was definitely my father. He never accepted who I am, and so I have never accepted it. I spend my life trying to be who I think other people want me to be. I have no idea who I am.

  9. #29
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    3
    I voted for my parents, although only one is really to blame. In my case, it's my dad. I love him very much, and I also admire him and rely on him. That's also what makes it so hard to disregard the negative things he says about me every so often.

    Ever since I was a little kid, he would chastise me as stupid and incompetent whenever I did something wrong [and other times even if I wasn't really doing anything]

    He also has quite a temper. Sometimes he'll also slap me on the arm/leg, but I'm really grateful I wasn't one of those who got bruises and cuts from their parents.

    He knows he has a problem, and he tells me that insulting me is the only way he knows to discipline me, because that's what his mother did to him as well. I did learn discipline, I guess, but along with it came lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. Not good.

    So now I'm scared of messing up in front of other people. I do not want to look stupid. Every time I eat out with people I'm not close with, my stomach acts up and my heart pounds in my chest.

    My dad's not a bad person, really. He means well. He just wants me to grow up normal and happy. But I really, really think it's not good to call a child horrible things. Sure, it may stop him from doing something bad, but ultimately the consequences of bad-mouthing will catch up to him and scar him. I do hope I'm not past the recovery point.

  10. #30
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    7
    I think the disorder came from me. I mean I have amazing parents who have given me a great life. It isn't there fault.

    Nonetheless, I was very coddled and dependent on my parents and I lacked drive, so I feel that has enabled me to stick more to my anxiety.

    Also I think secondary school....meeting horrible, cruel girls, learning the 'truth' about society and authority figures. I think I am an idealist and the world isn't that way...but rather than accept that and make the most of things...it kind of crushed me and I chose to move into my own head and my own world. Perfect breeding ground for anxiety/depression to flourish.

 

 

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