im so worried now, in about 4 hours i have to go out to the doctors. i havent been out in months - i mean literally not been out the house, it doesnt scare me to be outside its just like a fear of people looking at me. Ive got serious insecurities.
Im just 23, About a year ago i lived in a flat, i never went out during the day, i waited till like 2am to go to the 24hour tesco to get food and even then i couldnt bear it. usually when i came out and got home id find id forgot loads of stuff - because when im in the a shop or any kind of public place its like i cant think straight and my mind and thoughts are racing like crazy. Ive been insecure all my life and just have tried to avoid it by drinking and doin drugs from a young age.
I never really thought about it much but my life is completely ruled by this now and now im back at my parents i dont go out at all. its been months. But ive had this numb / closing feeling in my throat which comes and goes each day, right on my voice box/larynx, its also changed my voice and theres a hard like nodule on the side so ive got no choice i have to go to the doctors - its taken me months to do it, and i know its gonna be a nightmare in the waiting room. ahh i cant wait till later when its all over. man i got this vibrating brrrrr pulsing in my ear as well, like sensitive to loud noises.
I dont know wat the future holds for me but im just trying start my own business from home, affiliate marketing, dropshipping. Lets face it my options are limited.
My plan is to make a load of money and buy a plot of land somewhere and get a house built - maybe one of those huf kit houses, cheap, and just be completely self sufficient so i wouldnt even need to go out if i didnt want to.
i cant stand the way my parents look at me, its like they are so disappointed, ive had no emotional support from anyone about this. me and my parents hardly speak.
well i might come post here later, tell you what it was like.