my name is Milla, im 24, im from peru and suffer from Anxiety disorder since i was 6.
My mother suffer from anxiety and depression and as a child i had no support. My father was never there because they broke up when mum was pregnant, and mum was aways sick. My familly never held together at all!
I was always a very anxious child and always thought something horrible was about to happen, i had many panic attacks etc...
When i was a teenager somehow i got better (i always been a bit anxious) but didnd disturbed my life. When i was 19 i moved to germany and there i really felt like home, i worked, had places to go etc... then i met my husband, he's british and two weeks ago we got married. There is were my anxiety started again!
I fear something is wrong in my marriage, i dont know how to make this feeling go away. I always have a next thing to worrie about and never realx. the feeling something is wrong with my marriage, something horrible will happen, I will lose my husband because something must be wrong!
I have problems with a certain number and because we got married on that day, i think my marriage was wrong, and that will go wrong at some point! I cant sleep because i awalys have nightmares about something bad happening, i cant eat because im all the time anxious and i concentrate this in my stomach. Im so skinny now that you can acctualy see the bones showing. Im very sad. Is really annoing
Since I was a child i never wanted to be alone, and now i love and depend so much on my husband that i fear all the time to lose him and have to stay in a hell and probably comit suicide, so i think all the time that i will lose him, and i have to comit suicide! So i cant live my life anymore, all the time Im think about this 2 things, and im going crazy, complelty! Im 24hrs anxious, i dont have any patience to do anything, i dont know anybody in the here and the psychiatrist told me i have to control my mind because the med he give to me was just for short period and i sohuldnt take anymore. I feel that i have no support, i feel that im already dead! Im crying now because i dont know anymore what to do! even if everybody say things are fine, this make no sense for me, coz they are wrong! so I keep living every single day nervous! 3 months ago i was sure i had cancer and would die soon, than aids, than brain tumor! My OCD is back, and i feel depressed I dont know what to do! Please help!
I need some support because i dont think i can take this anymore, and i fear that my husband will be the one to get tired because im really a boring and annoying person
Please help me! please help me! please help me!
PS: does anyboy here live around northamptonshire, or leicestershire? I really would like to talk to people.