Welcome to the Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.
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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Edmonton Canada

    What am i suppose to do anymore?

    exactly one year ago i was fine..could go outside whatever. One day at school waiting for the bus im just standin there out of knowhere WOW what the hell!???i start freaking out and asking for help from my friend?welll what do u want me to do?i dunno somthing! anything!. so he gives me his phone i phone home about 30 times no answer. I phone my parents no answer. so on the bus ride home i sat there crying my eyes out in such pain and breathing so loudly the whole bus was silent just listening to me. I sat on the floor of the bus cause i dunno why, it seemed to help a bit. So after that day i quit school and never have gone back since. Since then ive been too doctor after doctor and given useless medications cause they thought what i had was depression for some reason. So we went to the hospital after about 4 months of me not getting significant help and they say i think u have agorophobia but i dont think they took me very seriously because i wasnt freaking out so to speak when they were seeing me i dunno but i felt safe in the hospital cause if something happened to me this was the place to be.So they said theres not much i can do but u must see a phsyciatrist so i said thats fine but guess what...its about an 8 month wait here. so about 4 months into me being sick i say well i cant wait any longer my life has gone to shit. so i did about every single drug on the face of the earth pot,shrooms,LSD,heroin,meth,ecstacy 2c-i all those other pills..u name it ive done it. A few seemed to help but i figured if i were to do this ALL the time id still not be able to function so i continue goin to the doctors watching all my friends stop giving a damn and the girl that i absolutly loved and loved me saw that there was no future with me and left and i absolutly cannot blame her at all im a loser. so i go to a doctor one day and say do u think i could try xanax?i was immediatly kicked out cause all he sees is a 16 year old kid wanting to get high. so i see another one and tell him of all my drug use cause i wanna be honest and he says im not gonna lie the chances of u getting a drug like xanax and valium is really low since u might abuse them i say o fucking just great.so what i wanna know is what the hell am i gonna do ..i mean ive been clean for a long time but they dont care its the fact that i DID them that they care about. so i guess the ONLY option i have is to find a drug dealer who will sell me xanax the only thing thats bad about that is that if for some reason i cant get anymore? the withdrawls have a really high chance of actually killing me so ive heard. so i guess i have to wait a long ass time to see my phsyciatrist and just watch as my life detriorates even more down to about 2 friends and dont u worry i can bet theyll be gone before i see the phsyc. The chances of me killing myself are pretty high ive got no reason to live considering the phyc prolly wont even perscribe me anything so 100% i will be dead in a few months if i recieve no treatment because life is unbearable the way i live right now and im heavily considering suicide. why havnt i done it?cause i fear if i fail at dying i will be put in a mental assilum and stuck in a tiny room to rot forever (gee kinda sounds like i am right now) so the only way i see that i would for sher go through with it is if i could get my hands on a gun wich i couldnt buy because i dont have a job or have ny friends. If i had to describe what i feel is the SECOND somone even MENTIONS leaving it starts. severe pain from my muscles because the start locking up and it feels like there flexing and unflexing at about 100 times per second and i cant move. I go from hyperventalating to not breathing at all and people have to remind me to breath, i also feel like im going to shit myself but never have,i start to sweat get confused feel the wost fear of my life. in order for me to even get to the doctor i must be drugged. but they wont see me if i am on drugs so what the hell am i suppose to do ? i literally cannot do a single thing. I cant kill myself i cant do anything and noone wil help me. everyday i cry because i am so deppressed all the time. So the way i see it by trying to do drugs i fucked myself over and will never be helped and the reason why i did drugs is because i wasnt receiving any help. I know im trying to sound sorry for myself but theres really nothing i can do noone to talk to i miss all my friends and i hate that my parents think im bullshitting them noone believes that im ACTUALLY sick yet when im stiff because im in such pain hyperventalating they say stop overexadurating. I kno theres probably many of you in the same boat i want to know how u manage with this? because if this phsyciatrist doesnt pull through and help me then nothing will and i guess im just spose to stay at home and alone for the rest of my life. Sorry for the huge story please respond im starting to have anxiety attacks at home because i fear that i will not get help.

  2. #2

    If the doctors won't prescribe you xanax, there are a variety of other antidepressants with similar effects.

    You sound like you may have Generalized anxiety disorder, where you simply feel anxious most of the time. If you see a psychiatrist prescribe you what you need and put you on therapy. I don't see what psychiatrist in their right mind wouldn't.

    I'm sorry that your parents don't understand. I'm sorry that you have to wait so long over there. You sound like you have a legit problem with stress. I hope you feel better. You should really stick with it and definitely see the psychiatrist when the time comes.

    Also, cognitive behavioral therapy has been proven to work just as well as medication. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies are two good ones. You can actually get the book on amazon of half for like 8 bucks used, or borrow it at a library. I used these and they worked well for me.

  3. #3
    I actually understand what you mean in some of the things you say. My agoraphobia came on quite suddenly and it was really weird and confusing.

    I think you should go back to your doctor and make them understand how you are feeling by clearly telling them - make sure they listen and if they don't, find a different doctor who WILL listen.

    Perhaps you should try to avoid any kind of drugs until you are sure you can control the usage, I think the most important thing is trying to find someone you can talk to, whether online or in person.

  4. #4
    Stay off the street drugs and alcohol, that stuff will only make it worse and could even kill you. Follow your doctor's advice. Sounds like you may need some expert help.

    Good luck.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    North Yorkshire, UK
    Frank's right - stay well away from alcohol and drugs, they will only make your anxiety worse than ever in the long run. Anxiety is curable - please don't despair, it doesn't have to rule your life the way it is at the moment - like Frank says, you need to find some expert help - don't give up, keep looking for answers, I'm sure you'll find a way through. All the very best to you.
    Stop Anxiety Ruling Your Life!

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Florida, USA
    Yep, alcohol and drugs just make it worse. Your GP should be able to at least give some klonopin/valium(for the SHORT term) and get you started on an SSRI(for the longer term) JUST UNTIL the pdoc can see you. I'd sit own with your GP and say "listen I am not trying to get high, I'm having severe anxiety/panic and 8 months is a lifetime of hell", "please help me I will SIGN an agreement with you/the clinic to (1) come in for each refill so you can monitor my meds (2) agree to follow through with the pdoc when he can see me(no matter how well I feel at the time). Ask the GP what a pdoc would have him do in the mean time as the pdoc will just be left with a patient in a much worse state(and having suffered needlessly), than if the GP did the standard protocol therapy for severe anxiety(if a pdoc was not available at once). That is (1)rule out another cause and treat it if present(treat any other issue as well), (2) started an ssri med like zoloft/lexapro(3) get patient to a therapist/counselor, (4) IF patient has severe/debilitating anxiety either due to the ssri implementation(which can cause a temp increase in anxiety) or not prescribe a short course of a intermediate/long acting benzodiazepine and MONITOR CLOSELY until the pdoc takes over care of the patient. I have to say the prescribing a benzo for a substance abuser is usually not done(I"M NOT SAYING YOU ARE). But the GP needs to know that the ONLY reason you tried self medicating(using other drugs) was because you didn't know better and admit to him that was wrong. Promise you'll follow through with him on ALL this until a pdoc and therapist can see you, and you might win an ally in the GP. That's the only way I see the GP giving you significant help. He may be reluctant to write but there's also Serax and Tranxene(clorazepate) which are sometimes used in alcohol withdrawl because they seem to safer with respect to abuse potential. Message me any time.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    It seems that you are a very bad case of vitamin D3 deficiency. It all stems from that deficiency, most probably.
    Please read my Thread "The Cure ?" at the Depression forum. Please read it with care.

    Best wishes,

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    anxiety is curable?
    is that really true?
    it doesn't seem to be.

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    I know this thread is a little older and hopefully your doing better but know how u feel. Have went years being anxious about every little thing but a year ago just started having extreme panic that would last all day and made me feel not real (now I know its derealisation but just thought I utterly fell off the deep end). But having it non stop for weeks straight to where I couldn't hold food in anymore I got desperate and went to many drs and all of them only treated physical symptoms. Not one would address the panic issue. As soon as I brought it up they would walk away. Needless to say a year later I feel utterly hopeless as well. Only drug that one Dr finally would prescribe is hydroxyzine which only makes u sleep and doesn't do much for feeling panicy. Have gotten better though by really telling myself to accept it when I feel an attack coming. Has shortened most attacks to under a min but still haven't made it to the store. Have only gotten to the point where being outside doesn't send me into a freak out. But hang in there . you'll get better or hopefully find a real Dr (that's been my hope and prayer). They don't like to prescribe em but benzos from what I've read can be a lifesaver if done short term with CBT.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    What triggered that episode. Did someone lace your orange juice during brunch at high school? Are you thinking of attending adult school? It's much less crowded and people are given choices about vocational training so you would have a goal to work towards. Are you only inside the house now, and never go out? Set tiny goals to go out. Like to go seek the news paper, or water the flowers, or walk the dog or cat. Then work up to going to the store and getting 1 item a the express line. Then work up to 10 items in the express line, slowly flooding yourself with these small challenges and soon you may not be looking over your shoulder anymore at how far you have traveled.

    Good Luck Kid. I hope you may grow out of this and find a good MD to refer you to a specialist who will work with you until you overcome this problem.
    Last edited by 1Bluerose68; 09-26-2014 at 11:12 AM.



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