Dave's Space: Perseverance

[Ponder]

Best I can say I must of been in a LOT of pain given I said I would rather be dead than go to a hospital so many times before. Between the GP, Testing Facilities, Hospital & even the Ambos ... The dehumanizing aspect of it all in its present state has left me thinking seriously about doing more to get a hold of my health. I know I just said it at the ending of last post but still in need of summoning up the desire to heal a little each day so I can make that intention a reality. Such a mindset is helping Vs the very LONG bout of despair I have been in.

I think it wise to keep looking for a new doctor that knows how to connect on a human level but right now just doing all I can to stay away from them and all things medical related.

I had a bit of a cry today watching one or two rare finds and noticed how much better I felt in my body. Even the infection in my toe instantly looked and felt much better. That really got me thinking just how deeply rooted I have been in a low vibrational state. Wanting to be done with this world and the people in whilst still in resistance with it has plagued me for some time now. I've alluded to recent welfare reforms and the pressure that has come with that derailing me very much. I've said many things but sense it's mostly been the unresolved pain in accepting what is that's held me back.

Right now I try to salvage the damage to my body and the predisposition in that with respect to cleaning myself up and boosting my ability to heal.

Here's to one night's semi good sleep that might help me on the tail end of the antibiotics. I don't think I could to a 5th course.
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I finally got my original recliner back after buying a similar one and replacing it while my grandson was at school. He claimed mine long ago when he first came to stay. I chuckle to think how putting the old cover back on the replacement lounge did the trick. It was touch and go though as I had to rush to put my bedroom door back on before he got home. So far he seems to of not noticed. Touch Wood.

Once my chest clears, the pain settles in my organs and I can breath proper and stand up and walk with intention, I'll be working on the simple things re what goes in and what comes out. Not sure counting the days works anymore but will write about my progress for the sake of keeping on track. It's just so easy to give up when in a low vibrational state. Still, got to be careful of keeping things grounded.
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Right now I work on much needed sleep ... ZZZzzz So very tired ZZZzzz ... Not out of the woods yet.

[Ponder]

I got to admit despite trying to will myself better I am concerned due to still feeling quite ill. Today I present to the GP with my own historical list as it's all getting too long to keep up with and doctors generally also not keeping a track in an overwhelmed system. I am worried about antibiotic resistance as today they might put me on a 5th course ... I don't know yet but like I say a little worried with how things have been progressing. Perhaps too much info but I am going to share at any rate because I can't think of much else of late and wasn't to keep my journaling consistent as of late that's all that is.

3 weeks [20 days] as of the 14th/11/202 post op permanent toenail removal. Still looks infected although slightly improved. Patient concerned about antibiotics resistance and complications during treatment. Currently patient is getting over a virus that has affected his throat and chest + has lingering congestive cough [yellowish flem] and 4 days of testicular pain that started the morning after his kidney pain subsided. Kidney pain was intense enough that the patient presented at the hospital ER twice but left before seeing a doctor both times because he could not endure the wait.
Now Up to 4 courses of Antibiotics have been prescribed. The first dose was prescribed one month before the toe procedure which was done whilst toe still slightly infected. 3 courses of antibiotics have since followed.
Client had a reaction to 2nd course. Stomach medication was prescribed where later that dose was doubled. Similar action taken with the pain medications.
Please refer to following time line for a better breakdown of appointments, medications and symptoms.

No blood test at this stage requested.

Timeline of Appointments, Medication & Symptoms

1st GP appointment: 1st Oct
1st lot of Antibiotics & referral for toenail removal given
Pre-op Appointment: Dr. ****** 18th Oct

25th Oct: OPERATION Permanent toenail removal [2 stitches] Small infection present before & during operation. Had to go back hours later as bleeding through dressing.

29th Oct: GP 2nd lot of antibiotics + Pain killers [panadeine forte] PPI Stomach medication [sick from constant Panadol & Ibuprofen] ←Stopped taking them.

3rd Oct: GP 3nd lot of antibiotics + PPI Stomach medication
Antibiotics changed due to stomach aches, nausea, chest pain, cramps… PPI dose doubled.

7th Nov: GP 4th lot of antibiotics + Pain killers [oxycodone]
Have since developed very sore throat, cough, mild thrush like symptoms in the mouth, peeled skin on hands feet and toe, itchy skin, pain in groin, right kidney extremely sore for hours on end coming in waves however up to level 7 pain always present for the last 48 hours straight. Unable to sleep – pain med causing too much pain … had to stop taking. NOW ONLY TAKING ANTIBIOTICS.

Kidney pain was intense enough that the patient presented at the hospital ER twice but left before seeing a doctor both times because he could not endure the wait. Patient stop taking all over medications but continued antibiotics.

14th Nov: GP Will present with following → Currently patient is getting over a virus that has affected his throat and chest + has lingering congestive cough [yellowish flem] and 4 days of testicular pain [Still present] that started the morning after his kidney pain subsided. Patient feeling weak but better than the day before.

______________________Other Notes*__________________
Had near Renal Failure [APPROX. 2008 ****** Base Hospital] that we diagnoses as Rhabdomyolysis requiring seven days hospitalization. Right kidney has since had bouts over the years of extreme kidney pain in right kidney at various times / scenarios ... (illnesses and whenever fasting/juicing and some medications) Testicular Pain has been something patient has had many times before but usually went away. This has been the longest bout of pain and most intensive bout. Lumps present but untested.

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Will probably go something like that. Right now despite my saw balls ... I am going to see if can go for a gentle ride. Suspension post and soft seat angled slightly forward should do the trick. I have to get do something to lift my spirits. I'll walk if need be. ZZZzzz No fever yet ... touch wood. I am not the type to carry on with health anxiety but again right now I have nothing else to write about. ZZZzzz

[Ponder]

Whilst pain persists, I am feeling a little better having only just gone for a short ride. Probably just need to jerk off more often regardless of any prostate issues. I'm guessing that is how translucent lumps form if not sexually active whereby non-translucent become more an issue with lack of virility & mobility. So many factors that come into play that affect the psyche and physical. Nevertheless I think the worse for today may likely be another course of antibiotics. I best get me some probiotics to assist with my deteriorating gut health plagued by the former. More expense but thankfully I can cover it for now. Just posting again to keep focused as I really don't want this GP calling the shots any longer. I'll turn up and follow the advice of surgeon in the background who claims I should continue the antibiotics stated in an email reply.

OK ... that's enough inspiration. Off for a wank with no great desire in mind - wish I could just use like a breast pump or something. Chuckles. Perhaps the GP could that for me? We might communicate better after that?

Sigh...

[Ponder]

Moving On

… or not quite. Toe looks manageable now that I am over the worst of the flu or whatever the fuck that was. Kidney pain much better now although I’m still looking at getting poked and prodded at the end of the week. Balls still an issue despite having milked myself as best I can. I did not realize what an issue this could present between prostate issues, testosterone levels, regularity of ejaculating and ability to do so and so on and on. Not exactly something often discussed by male counterparts. Women seem to have a better hold on such topics. At any rate, other than dealing with the mild but persistent pain I look forward to getting that ultrasound done. I can’t help but think how painful having my balls squashed under the hand of some ultrasound technician.
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Now moving on.

I am at least well enough to cook for myself and eat much better since doing so. I’ve been watching my wife and grandson have fun with the new 3D printer and looking online for some useful files that I can use myself. Might ask if they can print off some furniture gliders and use them for stoppers in my room as well as to keep my mini tramp from sinking into the grass for once my balls can handle tramp. Come to think about it, it might be good for my lower ducting after a good massage down there. Oh boy … I have attachment issues and struggling to move on.
I love the cycling so much I have been going for short rides again. (RIP Balls rofl)

RETAIL THERAPY has been a thing since feeling better. In order to get back outside for longer (when my balls and toe can handle it as well as fit enough) I am setting a goal to ride between towns. Due to my weight and wishing to use the highest power setting on my bike I looked into buying another battery for my bike. The price as astronomical so I researched a solar setup that weighs not much more than the bikes battery. Makes sense because I can pretty much ensure I stay in top mode when taking breaks in-between or in-between towns. I went for a 200-watt panel that can push out just over 10 amps at the optimal time of day. Given I am in Australia the seasons won't matter. The Bike's AC charger which I'll power of a can sized inverter only needs 4 amps of continuous power. The power loss through using an inverter is more than made up for by using a panel that supplies more than needed.

When folded, the solar panel is just over the width of most backpacks which are around 33cm wide. To get around this I ended up going with a swimming/surf backpack that is 43cm wide. Not that I care what others think, but the bag itself will suit the area I am in as on the coast + I wanted bright colors so I can be seen. Riding on rural roads in between towns is down so with great risk. Standing out is a must. In fact, I should be researching at the very least a rear daytime light for my bike. The panel itself is about 5kg which is not much weight for an average backpack on an average day trip.

Nice padded straps with a mid-belt eliminate sway on a bike. Looks like it should do the job. Nice to have a surf bag for car trips as well.

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Am also considering the following front and rear racks for MTBs + the front mudguard ... have sources a matching rear one designed for that rear rack

That's a wrap for now ... time to redress my toe and prep for a little bike ride.

[Ponder]

Awesome, I just picked up a chromebook on the cheap brandnew as it was the last one. Great little device that is easy peasy to transport and powers off a usb power bank although not that you would really need to given the battery life on these things. I actually picked up a hefty powered battery bank to run all the nick knacks I aslo picked up. I did end getting the high powered daylight bycicle lights to make life a little safer whilst riding on the rural roads. Yet to do it but looking forward to giveing it a go.

Seems you can load Linux on these chrome books with good effect but not ready for that just yet.

Feeling a little better yet again today. Little by little. Hopefully I can import imaged from my phone onto this and try out some online editing apps. Would be good to record some of my suicide road trips on the bike. Thankfully I got some ANC buds to help drown out the cars and trucks flying by at relativley neck breaking speeds. Hmmm seems I will have to do somthing about spell check on this although my grammer has been bad of late. Not to worry. Keyboard seems to type pretty good.

Anyways ... I am beat. Think I will call it a night and get ready to visit a friend in the morning. He'll be heading off to France soon [He has dual citizenship] Hope he comes back. Don't blame him if not.

ZZZzzz night night ...

[Ponder]

Picked up a little 12V lockable fridge that should see my more favored supplies no longer disappear. Arrr, but the joys of family.
Another hermit enabling feature in my room.

Here’s a couple of shots with the latest layout in my tiny room.

Entrance: Longer than it is sqaure and modest space. That said it is a mansion compared to some living on the lower levels of Hong Kong.

The 12V Fridge Freezer is a nice addition:

Bellow: Overkill on the locks I know … but it you lived here you would understand. We do have a few power outages so should look into get a battery setup. At any rate it’s a solid Esky as well as fridge and freezer. You can either make a fridge & freeze, or just a fridge, or just a freezer by controlling the zones using an app on the phone.

My lounging area with Large Portable 3.5KW air con [Just to the far side of chair next to my little speaker] + Philips Air Purifier with a stray cord that needs tidying up.



That’s a wrap … I goto install my bikes rear rack and trunk bag today. I installed the new bicycle Garmin GPS yesterday as well as that fridge. Damn front rack was refunded as they did not have in stock despite advertising so and taking my money. Not to worry. Have one coming from the UK despite the wait. Global Express but not going to hold my breath. Garmin Heart rate strap coming as I use the GPS data to have a heart attack soon enough. ROFL … whatever it takes I guess. Front Mud Guard still in transit. Rear trunk should be enough to keep the water off my ass but now I think about it I should get myself a rain cover for the trunk bags. Not sure what I will install on the front. Something for my front power banks no doubt. High Powered Daylight cycle lights seem to be still in transit as well. Oh yea … just bought a cadence sensor to go the speed sensor that came in the Garmin GPS Bundle. 200 Watt solar panel arrived with scratches on the damn panels. The cover of that unit also creased. Just not good cricket for something advertised as new. Hence to say in the process of returning that for a full refund. Can’t be supporting shoddy suppliers. Nope… won’t be having any of that. For sure we give negative feedback on that. That leaves me with a couple of solar accessories / leads / connectors and the such. I’ll hang onto those as sometime early next year will looking into a batter setup for the 12V fridge. I think that is enough quality upgrades for now. Just need a little more time on my toe to heal before I start getting too active with my bike. Steady as she goes for now.

Must look into getting some comfort food for the new bedroom fridge. Haha.

Adios until next post.

[GrimReaper]

Shuddup. Nobody is reading your stupid blog posts, you fucking loser.

[Ponder]

Awesome night ride. Feeling much better now. Can't wait till I start power walking. The place that sold my the foldable solar panel got back with the offer to replace it. I decided to go ahead with the offer as I still want to utilize long distance travel with the option to use the highest power mode and charge back up whilst resting before my return journey. Just not sure how I am going to setup some kind of make shift panel stand to optimize charging. I'll work something out. Definitely going to have to lose the weight to make up for the panel: - 5 to 6kg

WALKING COMING SOON ... pending toe: Thankfully no longer looks mangled and despite still looking on the redish side ... it's not hurting and seems to handle the bike pretty good now. I was able to put shoes on like the first time in about a month ... a month this coming tuesday. Still with a light dressing though.

OK ... Bit of mindless TV then off to bed.

[Ponder]

Day 1 ... Walking. Going to take it easy but feeling good about it. Counting the days this time as not doing so keeps seeing me back at square one again. Here's to Day 1.

[Ponder]

Time to make a post if not just to fill in space otherwise ill spent. The lockable fridge/freezer makes me feel better about buying mangos, avocados and the like given now I know my daughter will be more incentivced to get her own. My first walk in a month went down well this morning. Later in the day now but made my way over on my bike to chill with a friend who does not mind me setting up on his kitchen bench. Not sure what he has in his roof but the mobile network in his house is super slow. _____ __

Although I am indulging in here of late I have been having bouts without headphones whilst in transit on my bike and also for the last part of my walk this morning. Feels kind of weird because I am more often than not constantly plugged in. When not plugged in via headphones then by one or two of my screens.
It's nice day outside. Relativley cool and overcast. I think I will pack up after a little more surfing and head back out on my bike.