Dave's Dairy

[Ponder]

Went for a walk this morning in full view. I revisited the spot where I was made fun of. Now I am content to avoid it. Chuckles at that.

Today is a good day. My Computer's CPU water cooling unit has landed in Taiwan three days after leaving Australia. [Courtesy of DHL] That's like better than some places I send locally. lol

My friend who has spent like 10 grand on his parts, [which I researched for him] is loaning me money to take advantage of a good deal now. Whilst I would like to wait for next gen tech, the availability is a huge issue (and looks like it will be so up until at least 2023 - personally I think it is the new norm) which is driving prices up the longer I wait. Basically for now, I am looking to purchase a highly revered brand and well sort out model one tier down than the current best. The resale value of such a purchase at this time warrants this decision as even just a few weeks in my friends parts have increased in value due to unavailable stock. (After selling my latest GPU which I owned for 19 months - the person who just bought that paid more than I did) That said, it helps to know the make and model and what to avoid. I also lucky because my friend is giving me high end RGB fans, nodes, cables and so on. I even have enough to upgrade my power supply and acquire a GPU sag bracket.

One last day of researching then I can start looking forward to my CPU cooler making it's way back. (recall on that model - LED issues is all) I'm pretty sure the return journey will be longer than 3 days and perhaps some red tape holding it up in the factory. All in all though - I have something to be excited about. Back into the research.

Adios.

[Ponder]

Badass Grandpa
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[salvator here]

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[salvator here]

Went for a walk this morning in full view. I revisited the spot where I was made fun of. Now I am content to avoid it. Chuckles at that.

Ok, I read every word. I've been avoiding certain places that brought me pain as well ... no sense on revisiting expecting a different outcome if the circumstances haven't change. Although, its not the space/location, the atmosphere is beautiful, and that picture at night is nice, sadly, its some people. Not all, but some people are sharks and smell blood. Hard to explain.

Glad you having a good day and hope when you wake up things will continue to be gratifying

EDIT: Will be also going into more detail over the next few days on my journal about things going on and I can VERY MUCH relate to what happened to you there. I don't feel safe sometimes even walking in public. Hard to explain.

[Ponder]

Thanks for the acknowledgements Sal. Much appreciated. Only write as you feel. I've been out of sync of late but starting to readjust. My research episodes can be intensive and I'm only just now relaxing after weeks of super focus on one main thing. The background drama known as this world is not something I like to return to when coming down. I really am thankful that you have been around. I hear you too. I said as best I could in your thread.

What you said in your thread has made me think more deeply regarding time and space. I've been very sleepy of late and that's OK. What is probably not so helpful is the way I inherently fight it. I now am pushing myself to take naps but do so in a way that I feel won't negatively impact my main regeneration cycles. I would do well to focus more on stepping into said space without all the distractions that we often bring with us when shutting down like so.

I really do sometimes think it's best to allow oneself to be assimilated by one's thoughts in order to just let those clouds float by. Yawns. ZZZZzzzzzz As is the common teaching to a good session of allowing oneself to simply just be. I go lay down now and give it a shot. The technology is already inside us. We got this ZZZzzz

I've got plenty to write about but actually need to go take a power nap. I need a few naps in order to catch up. I might settle in for a good shutdown period now that I think about it. Hopefully I can be more coherent when I come back. : )

[Ponder]

My take on ASMR - I got bored so came up with the following:

[Ponder]

Not much to report of late. I have sold a few more things towards my pc water-cooling goal. It will be a modest outcome compared to those who can afford more, but that said I have done well to achieve what I have thus far. My CPU cooler will be here any day. I have someone coming around later to buy a camera and my treadmill still listed on the Marketplace. I think the treadmill is going to be hard to sell. My plan is to pick out cheaper parts just to get started with water cooling and then maybe upgrade those parts later. It's been good to have an interest again that does not require going outside! It's going to be another scorching summer!!!

[Ponder]

Stop teasing me

[Dahila]

just 6 Celsius today. feels like 2 so do not complain Pedro, and it is dark early ............

[Ponder]

If you knew what the extremes of summer can be in Australia, then you might understand more my desire to freeze! hehe Such is the irony of life.

Dude - I am sorry about the conflict that many of us face when mixing with others point blank - regardless of labels and names. That said, if it helps to point those labels out and name names, then by all means express as you feel. I only suggest to ask yourself, how does that really make me feel? I know it makes me feel good for a split second, but then I feel like crap a moment later. For me, I consider what I am told is complex chronic PTSD - or whatever variety/level one may identify with - that the very nature of these things feed off one another. Not just the concepts and all its associated symptoms but more importantly ... → the human beings AKA biochemical machines! Another prime example how how depersonalization works for me - a good dose of healthy disconnection brother. Perhaps could be seen as indifferent, but not so for compulsive mindsets that work differently ... such as myself or my grandson for whatever reason. Yet we can be so much more smarter than what we give ourselves credit for. I chose not to say others because we have to stop thinking about what others think. At least in terms of their own shortcomings. It does help to be mindful of how we do affect others though.

Forgive me if none of this makes sense. I'm getting to old to react the way I used to. I've learned how draining my own way of being can be regardless of whatever I try to do. There is no magic cure that so many places and people try to sell. It takes a lot of internal work that only we can do. Lately I have had to deal with people re the Market Place as it relates to me selling my things that I often do. I can't deal with people who make no effort to be polite, punctual and so on. This day and age - like holly fuck ... wtf is the problem with people? OK - I just leave it at that because I am sure many already can relate just on that score. BUT - Not everyone is like that. I do my best to hold out and fully respect those who given an ounce of respect and do my best to tolerate when they don't. More often than not I cut off communication lightning quick when people are not polite, punctual and so forth. That is not a retarded trait ... rofl ... it's just how I roll beuse more often than not I will fuck it up if I allow myself to continue under such conditions. hehe. That said _ I am always learning and realise holding on to how others mistreat myself and one another only make me literally get very sick, very fast an unable to maintain a semblance of sanity in a very very unstable world. The way I write about the latter is also something I am learning to do so ... more mindfully.

Bes I can share for now. I feel what your saying bro. Just consider how we feed back is all I am saying and I am trying to say it in a way that helps. Truly - I mess it up often - avoidance can actually be a good thing at times, just as my definition of depersonalizing as explained above. The more healthier aspect to it ... not the marketing lable of depersonalization. Disclaimer - not meaning to denote those who have a better understanding of the more debilitating side of that terms. The way I think is back to front is all.

Today I start the process of selling my gaming laptop as yet another step toward my PC water cooling project that I have always wanted to do. Come to thing of it, all that in the above has been helping me to communicate with others on Reddit which I though I could never do. So far it is working.

Take care guys ... be as well as can be. Don't let others or even yourself get in the way of ... just being ... being ok with whatever is. I don't know .. and as usual we got to be OK with that too: faults and all.