Yea Yea I know - Back Again

[Ponder]

Time to get up and start the week with a little sun. I think I am on the mend. Thinking seriously about the covid vaccine but not sure what strain to get or if I even get a choice. The latter making me think it's futile whatever way I go. Will think more on it later. I qualify for the over 50 flavor whatever that is. I do know Australia is a testing ground for the world on a lot of issues. Chuckles with that thought. Sigh ... choices choices hey? Ponders the deeper meaning of choice as defined by a society that specializes in mass control. What to do. What to do indeed. Whatever way ... if I do choose to take at this stage of the 'game' I need to get myself into a fit condition to endure the blood clots that are most notably killing the odd vaccine receiver. Is happening to friend of the family but they are in thier 70's so I might be able to get away with it by taking drugs to help thin the blood during the transition I undergo when I front up for the preverbal jab. Although I would only do that for a short time as I hear thinning the blood long term like that for non heart patients in not a good idea and comes with side affects? Your thoughts?

Until later ... here's hoping my chest clears up some today. cough COUGH! Still gurgling a little with slight irritation ... Please not another bout of pneumonia ...

... but strength slowly returning.

[Ponder]

Good Ol Jerry Lewis - RIP you old fart! Made it to 90 and I dig his pain in mores ways than one. From what I can tell he seems to attract a lot of haters similar to how Tom cruise does although different dynamics to be sure. The more people hate on him the more I seem to understand him. I was surprised to see Beverly Hills Cop pop out when he did. He does an awesome 9 year old jerry himself.



I think I will finally recover after tonight. My chest is much clearer now. No longer any fear of chest infection ...

I think I might even go push the electric mower over the front lawn. Edit ... Done! Tomorrow. I see if I can do edging and then start in the back yard.

[IAmCamille]

Greatest Jerry Lewis impersonation I've seen!

[salvator here]

Lol .. my word, that was really funny

[Ponder]

Got my daily dose of sun.

[Ponder]

I even got in a night ride on my bike. I'd been looking forward to the arrival of my MTB handle 'bar-ends' and added a mirror for extra confidence when riding on the road. I can't remember if I have shown my new bicycle off since getting it ... if so, here it is again. Not that you can make it out to well at this time of day, at this time of year. At any rate this image is not really about the bicycle but more the scene for what it is. The esplanade which I don't ride on is about several meters elevated and approx. 30 meters back.

I read your response Camille. Figured I would make a note and leave yours as the last word back there. You pretty much nailed it for me but it can still be a complex issue depending on one's circumstance, resolve and moreover one's innate alignment (belief is not something I can gell with anymore) and whether or not one is in sync or tune with said dynamic. That said point's of view often change with time. The following is where I am at and how it relates to me: I have to admit I have been struggling big time with each passing year as the dynamics in my immediate relationship/s have seen me become somewhat more lonelier than I had expected. I have a number of points from which to view my situation from.

I've mentioned before that although married, I sleep in 'another' room. Further revelation would be that my wife pushes me away when I attempt a hug. Whilst I can respect her wishes regarding sex and lack thereof (none) due to her level/condition of 'multiple sclerosis primary progressive' and resultant depression that comes with such a debilitating disease, I do struggle very much with the lack of intimacy with no touch. For me, that's like being starved of oxygen. Sleeping in separate rooms is no big deal and pretty common, but my wife's depression and choice for distancing with no touch and the constant pushing away is something I could rate as toxic to my health in as much as someone one might claim receiving no nutrition is as good as poison. Yet - I accept her demeanor in the full understanding of what her illness presents for her and how that in turn eats away at her in the same way my own predispositions whittle away at me. The latter mindset being one of those points of view that does not focus on how much I am missing out because I am not getting the touch or connection that I feel would be best for me. We have a lot of history and been fighting many battles for many years on top of our so called disabilities.

Our situation is a clear example where new wave thinking often leads many couples to separating where the typically the less afflicted one leaves in order to save their self. At other times the sicker one may typically push the other away. I'm not suggesting either is wrong or right. Time lines in respect to ones distance traveled on what path and how much tolerance left with that being rutted paths Vs smooth sailing, as to endurance Vs avoidance with the latter highlighting the contrast between different points within different journeys. All this just my own way of stepping back and finding solace in knowing in discerning the difference between cutting people out of my life that are not a priority without the need to label them or there being as toxic. So often this is how people separate holding onto some element of blame and shame having to reason why they disconnect. This playing more into my other post where I alluded that today in my view society has a massive problem with individuals unable to work through relationships because of ideals that lead people to so easily and quickly disconnect as a means of self preservation with self being more important than anyone else point blank. To be sure there is an element of self respect and self discipline but this is not the way I am reading said ideals as the reason for not learning to sit in one's discomfort. Most of us just sit and wallow. I hold myself accountable in this here now pondering and for sure is more my issue.

Alas - I have an awesome bright spark in my grandson as it turns out and the connection I have with him is more than enough to keep me engine turning. I've been rutted and struggling with the whole self that is missing out on things that my few friends could never imagine going without. Hell, even my phycologist the other day brought this all out of me and basically hung his shoulders lower than mine saying "Dave, I never knew..." He means well and he was not twisting my elbow or anything. This last week fighting off whatever virus has left me feeling pretty low and he was just trying to help. Now he has learned another facet about me as too maybe some others in here and how I process living like so. The solution for my issue is simple. Deciding a point of view and knowing I can easily reject the wide array spanning the internet that would have me think and feel a certain way. Because that's just it, as you get older and you have seen it all before, the BS society sells in all this would be ideals is more damaging than the toxicity that it would have you fear. We are so spoiled in this day and age with so many choices, devices and comforts and any level of the rung that imo what others claim to be a comfortable well off society in so called first class nations, is more like a prison for slaves that are fed fear in order to keep grinding the mill that ultimately feeds those holding the keys. The ideals that so many lap up are just programs designed to work like blue pills

Chuckles ... another wall of text. How did I go from a revelation of self indulgence regarding my loneliness into my perspective regarding societies deluded notion of an individual and what that one should regard as toxic? The fear itself in often more disabling despite the chemical composition and or equation that we have been conditioned to beleive. That book 'Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life' pretty much sums up the state of the world and how it is that people are entrapped in said system. Edit - worth noting that is just one book not unlike a sign post like many where the definitions have different meanings and directions have different ways depending on one's path, current point in existence and or distance traveled. In the end what counts most to me, is that I do my own etching and come to my own conclusions that is flexible, always open and never ending.

"I really don't know..." -

[salvator here]

Its nice to see you getting outside again, and thank you for the pictures, very nice to see them.

I Read every word and I think you're doing the best you can given your situation.

[salvator here]

Honestly, know I can relate, I have very serious issues with intimacy. I don't know. I've not had sex (with another person) in around 20 years and don't ever intend to, but I do understand. I don't know. Only had sex 3 times in my entire life. What I want/need doesn't exist. So hard to explain.

Alas - I have an awesome bright spark in my grandson as it turns out and the connection I have with him is more than enough to keep me engine turning. I've been rutted and struggling with the whole self that is missing out on things that my few friends could never imagine going without. Hell, even my phycologist the other day brought this all out of me and basically hung his shoulders lower than mine saying "Dave, I never knew..." He means well and he was not twisting my elbow or anything. This last week fighting off whatever virus has left me feeling pretty low and he was just trying to help. Now he has learned another facet about me as too maybe some others in here and how I process living like so.

Actually, my therapist knows everything about me now and understands my issues with trust. I don't know. I'm sorry if I was not helpful to you. So glad your grandson has YOU.

[Ponder]

I can't remember a time that anything you have said has not been helpful Sal - The connections we few make in places such as these are just as helpful as sunlight can be. Sometimes I just need to bring some shades along when it's been too long. Thanks for the acknowledgement and sharing like so. I typically roll my eyes these days or fast forward when TV, Books and or Film get overly caught up in the swapping of bodily fluids. ZZZZzzzzzz Great way to ruin a good story and when it comes to sci-fi going down like wise tangent - it's game over for me. Like I am not adverse to a good romance every now and then and when I am, what I like is not on par with main stream ass grabbing and sex competitions that you see with competitive shows such as the TV series Spartacus, ROME, Game of Thrones and all the others that love to give the audience a good porn star showing - The drug wares off after a while and or once you grow up such antics become more annoying filler content where you can be sure there are many viewers watching "Righto, hurry the %#@! up and get on with the rest of the story!!! Or perhaps I am just on my own with such point of view. To be fair romance has more going for it but generally still prone to the human condition which just brings out the worst in people. Is hard to find good wholesome viewing these days which is fair enough given the state of people and the way we all live. Blood, Gore and SEX is pretty much the staple of 90% if not more on netflix and or even commercial TV if you have half a brain to see. Problem with commercial TV is the amount of conditioning in-between and during the screening. At least with netflix your just lapping up the garbage without interruption. I think your onto a good thing with the horror. Is what it is without as much pretense ... although that might depend on the level of suspense. Some are also good for a laugh. More entertaining than watching a couple @#$! just before the best part of long awaited and drawn out scene.

WTF Ever - anywayyyyssss


Here is some more images. I share one of my plants doing pretty well in the cool weather. The zygocactus has started budding well with a few now blooming:

FRONT & CENTER:

[Ponder]

I think what I more mean or with what I was getting at re the addiction with the amount of #@%!ING and Dominating! to arousing today's viewers is not unlike when 'Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius' burst forth from his cage and wipes out his competition in an unceremonious way and shouts to the crowed "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!!!" "ARE YOU NOT @#&!ING ENTERTAINEEEDDD!!!" I too view our society and just about all those in it in much the same way. Even when they are being challenged in such a way, the crowed then start cheering for him when he basically just called the all a bunch of degenerates for turning up to such on event. So too we still have generations upon generations of idiots that lap up and thrive on such degenerating ways of being.

That's all I meant. Does that make more sense? I too like to cheapen and bring a quick end to said BS when I see it. That is all ... I guess. In that regards that context to that blood and gore has a good point. For me not a bad scene and that coming from someone that is also over the violence as well. Just another form of big dick syndrome that extends to both genders more than ever before. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz