When All Else Fails - Befriending Self

[Ponder]

Steady as she goes. Giving my mind a rest with so much info about the place. Still holding the line with my health whilst keeping my recovering shoulder in mind. I do feel like stepping things up a little with some body weight resistance if only just to let my hormones know I am still alive. That said, I really don't want to make the same old return to exercise as I once knew it. I'm getting in a lot of walking and healthy eating + even sleeping, but something is missing and I think it is the 'weight bearing' no longer being a thing. My body naturally craves it. However, that venture is a little precarious with my shoulder being the way it is now.

None the less - I go now and think about easing my way back into my old suspension trainer.
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Other than that - Like I say, giving my mind a break.

[Ponder]

A 30 year old FULL movie (Canadian film) on Youtube about love and compassion in an insane asylum. Includes the character and great poet Walt Whitman. The quality of both footage and sound will not be for most but as an old classic film that is very hard to find for online streaming and downloading, it was good enough to put up with. The story for any decent hearted person is enough to more than make up for the lack in quality. Worth a share at least:
Trailer → Here

[Ponder]

Woke up very early this morning after going to be very early. Body still going through some pain but is part of the process of moving after being sedentary for so long. It will get better. Been through it all before. Will go for long walk this morning. Found a good listen to start me off.

Easy Come - Easy Go with Eckhart Tolle. He seems to be good when it comes to assisting with finding that numb spot which helps deal with all the hype, pain and extremes this world would have us thrive on. As usual, not for everyone. Almost requires a certain level of suffering in order to be understood. lol ... or perhaps, let's just say a certain level of experience that is of no consequence regarding levels of status or any of that kind of thing?

[salvator here]

I read everything and glad to see you're doing better and staying active.

Yeah, I decided to let my thread die and go to heaven (or is it hell..?!) I Wonder sometimes as you were talking religion... Hell wouldn't want me, they'd be afraid I'd take over . I'm sooo totally just kidding with you, but thank you for your reply and advice. I think about what you said about weathering the storm. Just doing that and hoping things will pass right now. Taking is day-by-day, I guess.

OK since you're 'going all religious"..

Know how to make Holy Water?

You boil the hell out of it..;-)

Yes.. lame attempt at levity

I don't have much in the way of helpful words right now, sorry, but good to return here and see you're improving.

Be well..

~Sal

[Ponder]

Well said. Glad you popped in. Trust me when I say my improvement still entails much dysfunction. However, I am grateful and encouraged by your acknowledgements. TY.

No need for insights atm. Meaning sometimes less words is better. This I should learn. ATM I am listening to a few videos I find helpful and taking a break myself from too much self reflection. Whatever way I look at that - it involves thinking. Is good to give that a rest more often than not.

I think D is onto something with watching some good old TV series. I think I will continue to rewatch Star Trek Next Generation. Nearly finished that series for like the tenth time now and happy to rewatch again; once I get through all the rest of the following series. I've even bitten the bullet and succumb to the new discovery series, although do not count it to be anywhere near the Star Trek I have come to love. Each to their own of course. It's good enough in it's own right and now worth watching to pass the time I guess. I think they might of even responded to criticism with it heading in a better direction now. Yadda yadda ... srry ... SG1 will of course be a seventh time and one I am looking forward to it again. Just in no rush atm. I am glad your enjoying it D

Forgive me as I do go on.

Have you got any classic rewatchable list in your head that might be worth some time?

[Ponder]

Hope all is well - Unfortunately struggling to find more appropriate housing. The agents now ring up requesting more information over the phone like "what job are you working in" - My wife emailed back to explain just how the process left her feeling extremely judged. I don't blame her for feeling that way. The rental crisis is completely out of hand at the moment and has us now fairly worried if we were outed of our current lease simply just to increase the rent as is the case happening for man others in the current climate of exploitation.

You might not remember a post I made about 8 to 13 months back about Australian SAS soldiers being exposed for brutal executions of Afghan persons of interest. Anyone found with a phone in XYZ regions were to be shot on site. The way in which these killings were carried out later led to SAS soldiers turning them into initiations for greener recruits. The footage that was on 60 minutes shows well the style in which they were killing and counters quite well the term 'allegation' which authorities are fighting back with. Basically the Government and Military are doing all they can to intimidate those speaking out and change laws to stop all whistleblowers. The alleged killings are all on GoPro style video files which I could care less to link anymore. Just as I now say the United States of America has become the new Nazi Regime administered in the style of Huxley's 'A Brave New World' where the more in your face brutality of George Orwell is carried out with mindless preprogrammed law enforces on all levels hidden behind complicated bombastic laws, policies and more conveniente of all - Long Range Drones the no one knows about. With regards to the Australian SAS war crimes in Agan, it was a signals officer and a medical officer + a US Helicopter Pilot that spoke out. It really did not surprise me at all. We have thousands of videos of police beating people back in the lock up that hit the headlines when the Media and Government wish to look as if something it being done. There is no shortage of evil when it comes to the cost of ensure quality life up at the top.

I guess the CV era was a good time to leak more stuff out. But I question the nature in which it is released. It's never enough. Again this is why I choose to always see our society or any system of economics as totally corrupt. Helps to alleviate the memories of my own beatings and rejection as a child. There is way way worse being committed by professional so called peacekeepers/police/law enforcers/politicians and government to which so many conditioned sheep worship with flag waving, accolades and grouping talk. Ours, Mine, Us and Them. Our boys, My country, One of Us, If not ... your one of them. Fact is ... all that division is woven into the whole of the flag in order to keep people from knowing the true cost. Is why people fight so hard to ignore the reality so that they can keep their comforts. I worked so hard - Make a living - all generates disdain towards those seen as undesirable ... deemed lazy and so on. I am sure you get the gist. This is how all western countries our self regulated on the lower rungs. Me me me ... I I I - You you you and so on.

Anyways - is what it is.

Also feeling down as I have been stuck with a very sore throat where breathing hurts. Not much sleep. Wake up every 30 minutes with dry painful throat. On my second day of it now. Hopefully it will get better soon. Doing all I can to make it less painful. All in good time.

ZZZzzzzzzzzzz Will try to get some sleep. Have given up on packing to move. Just unpacked my treadmill and will start again with it.

Actually fuck it - here is the link to the first story about one soldier on a rampage and all his buddies basically defending him:


I'm glad it's coming out all again and now finding out with recent reports how this insanity has been spreading ... re intations of new SAS recruits
If you can't handle the facts then best not to watch. These things only come to light with those strong enough to reveal the facts as is ... not what others wish.

Much work is on the way to still cover it all up ... however I rest with everything I said about society above. You can't fool me on any spectrum of society. It's all toxic ... The reason why I have to work everyday to find a single moment of peace. Can't get there whilst the world is still living the insanity ... can we?
For context the above video is what I posted originally about a year ago (one linked is a reupload) ... this is what the latest fall out is - link below ... however they still try to make out that is just a rogue element. The truth is that this kind of brutality is deeply entrenched with people covering it up ... it's rife in the culture of all forms of enforcement through all levels of society. But to be sure is good that it's been leaked and hopefully more people like myself will not hold any respect for violence whatsoever and start seeing what a toxic world we really live in.


Killing Field: Explosive new allegations of Australian special forces war crimes| Four Corners (They are trying hard to pin on one soldier when it's now systemic in the culture. That, they will not admit. Still worth watching the report to see how they cover and what they are willing to reveal. Like most things I generally don't watch any news as most if fake and at best - perception management - with rest mostly entertainment.)
Nothing New About it. Lets just hope more people give up on our BS ideals.

*Worth noting the guy that recently ran into my car and chased me with pickaxe was Australian X-military. This being a classic example of Eckhart Tolle's terms Pain Body & the World's Residual Pain.
They go out and murder people in cold blood, come home and try it again on anyone that gets on their way. How do we break the cycle with leaders that imprint such programs as they do today?

Now I am done ... ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

Please forgive me that I cannot be any more upbeat. I'm up again unable to sleep due to my inflamed throat that's been going on a few days now. It's currently 1:15pm as I type although the last time I logged in a post I note the time stamp was out by quite a bit. (Edit - looks good ... took me about 2 hours to ponder this) I wonder what is going on in my settings. Yadda Yadda. Just passing the time while my throat is still in quite some pain. Now starting to take some paracetamol and ibuprofen. Let's hope that reduces some of the swelling.

I really don't know what to say about the above. Better out than in I guess. The irony that I typed in red at the end really makes me think which I really don't like doing any more. Like I don't mind writing for the sake of writing but trying to do so when feeling more stable in a way the seeks to alleviate rather then derail myself or others. I guess there is always some form of resistance before growth can happen. Comes back to that analogy of how plants that forego the wind and the rain typically die off when once suddenly exposed to the slightest bit of weather. Yet another art of balance when seeking to grow beyond the scope of natural occurrences to which our society is prides itself on always doing. That is to say living in a world that prides itself on dominating the natural world. Yet the fact is that mankind was has all but killed off most of it's magnificent creatures, deforested more than 46% of the world's trees and polluted the oceans and skies of this once deep blue planet. Kind of makes you wonder about so called educated claims of a magnificent advanced society. The humans themselves still killing each other and committing atrocities today as much as they have done so throughout history.

Those unaffected whom see themselves as higher educated in high ranking jobs with more money, property and possessions see themselves as better equipped and refer to themselves as 'Alphas.' It's not worth talking about the Super Rich Elite as they are mostly invisible and it's easy to off load one's frustration onto that which cannot be seen. However when dealing with what you can see, you can be more confident in your summation of what is really going on without distraction of those who defend man kind's broken most toxic and broken system. I have no doubt the super rich elite commonly referred to as the 1% exist, but it's much better to deal with those alpha groups we see all around us as opposed to things we cannot see. The alphas are just sheep like the rest of us. Think of them as Ted Talk Audiences, Cream of the crop public forum participants all the way down to Oprah Winfrey or even polished and pick participants for whatever popularized and worshiped talk back show that keeps us all dumbed down ... etc. Our alpha groups come in different levels but all based on the premise of being leveled off in different groups. It all comes to climbing the ladder in the ideal of chasing happiness. We have the hero's journey frame work to assist the entertainment styled education dogma from entertaining news reports all the way to Netflix and of course the great mesmerizing Hollywood Wand/Stick.

That ideal being mankind's ideology the separates it dogma by a wide array of flags, borders, culture, political, religious and many different other educated society of which whom are all separated within and outside huge bright colorful flags that are typically worshiped in the same way you find emotionally frenzied audience into sports stadiums. This being the essence of mankind's dominating culture. Said to be more tamed than accent Roman times, although the brutality is still very much to be seen. Just not in plain sight for the indoctrinated to see. Those individuals blinded by so called loyalties, invested emotions and all else that makes their surrogate lives much easier than would otherwise be. Think they are in control as long as they beleive ... yadda yadda ...
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All those groups under the invisible super rich elites including those that see themselves as Alphas are all pretty much predisposed to being enslaved by the same control mechanism. It is a machine to be sure. That concept is easy to imagine and one can see how the many other concepts are spawn. For me however, I don't see any point in getting or worked up over the invisible groups or entities that you cannot see. I get that concept too, but I see it about as helpful to beleive in that kind of concept as I do a God I can't see or fully grasp. On the other hand, the Alpha structure, with all it's separatism and likewise politics is very easy to see. That is enough to work with and holds up well when it comes to seeing just how enslavement still grips the planet. It matters very little to me if it's aliens, interdimensional forces or whatever fancy cosmic story or religiously induced drama at hand. All that kind of thinking just plays right back into the slave mentality. To be sure that are many elements of truth in each story, following slash identity.

The most common theme of all those latter marginalized groups, is how well they expose secular society as mindless drones that are very much predisposed to the same brainwashing techniques that main stream media laughs at X Y & Z groups. All those that look towards feeling wanted by the act of reading a newspaper to feel connected, lap up the constant marginalization/perception management by later in their day talking about it passionately at work or play as if they know the gospel as told by either their favorite morning news crew that know how to make them smile and feel all bubbly. It's during those feel good times that such manipulation works bests. OMG did you hear about those groups of people sponging off the system while we are working so hard to pay their taxes. Hey, what about those refuges now walking in óur' streets - GRRRRRR ... How dare those people draw from MY wages ... GRRRR OH NO >>> They are making changes to X Y & Z and now we will get paid less ... Oooooo that's not in fashion, anybody who is somebody should be waring this ... this month. Dude, your phone is out of date, what is wrong with you? Narr sorry I can't be seen with you, your not waring the right colored jocks. You also are not up to date on the news and your conversation will not do. On and on with the bullshit you see. People are just so easily controlled with such things and it comes mostly from all that time give ourselves over to whatever displays that are always on in a waking moments. Many of us falling to sleep with the BS being programmed into our heads.

Of course many people see this BS happening all around them. It's how many of us become mentally unwell and then later pegged and prescribed with whatever label. Many see it and choose to ignore the true cost and resulting dysfunction. Breaking from the mold is too uncomfortable or moreover those that feed the cycle are simple too comfortable. Comfort is the way we are controlled today. Huxley nailed it to be sure.

So it is that I highlight all the above like so without the need to any conspiracy. All those things I have mentioned are really easy to see. I did not see the slayings by the SAS in Afghanistan, but I do know for a fact after the court appearance of the guy I begged not to kill my outside my front door was in fact Ex-Military. The universe I live in makes it very clear to me without the need to rely on fancy stories. The world in which I live, the life I have lived is enough for me to see as clear as nigh and day that dysfunction of which I speak. Again, no need for some dramatic version or rehashed story of how the universe works. you only need to look out your front door to see what a toxic world in which we live. It's takes a little more to sit quietly and see how the deception works, but that too should be easy enough the loner you live. Chuckles to think of how today we are taught to be afraid of death. Live longer and all that bullshit. Sigh.

... continued next post ... too much text as usual

[Ponder]

Cont ... from above:

How sad it is that those of us who have had enough despite still being so young - are to be ostracized that we no longer want to play along. Is even worse when I see so many young people today walking the streets clinically depressed. Much easier for others to allow themselves to be distracted with BS ideals and politics ... then simply blame and shame those unable to walk the line.

So - what gives? Why do I even bother to live? Possibly because I don't live alone and doing my best to buffer the world's dysfunction from my grandson and knowing what my death would do to my family and or others. The sense of allowing myself to be consumed is ... hmmm ... I really don't know about that actually. I don't have to commit suicide in order to be consumed. Yep - There you have it. That's the problem right there. Many of us are already being consumed. Ending it is not an option because I care too much for my immediate family or those that are destined to be around me and I around them. Family not a word I like anymore as is just as much part of mankind's identify crisis. Just another form of being trapped. Brings to mind Gandhi's take on that. Moreover I know what suicide does to the community as a whole. Not that we have anything of community in our world anymore. We have words to make it look as if we do, but really they are just controlled groups and nothing more.

How to free the the mind whilst living in such a prison? I guess some stories or parables are not such a bad thing. Just have to be wary of where I draw such methods of being from. The adoption of this or that concept the may either improve my being or not. How I come to terms in what I am feeling, myself, as opposed to relying on someone else or a system that instead validates me or not. This being probably the most hung up point of being we are currently at as we are now seemingly dependent on things like - LIKES and likewise instant gratifications of all types.

Well this was one hell of a write up ... I can swallow enough to sleep now. I should give that a try.

Forgive the extreme amount of typos and bad grammar if you will ... although it's really not required. This was good to get out of the way. Once I get over this current illness that's keeping me awake ... I will get back on track with my health. All these things are just my take and what is keeping me down. I can never get back up if I do not allow myself to feel as I do. What I choose to do about it however is often resultant to how I allow myself to feel. It's no longer about my past or never really has been. That's just another trap in what Eckhart often refers to as identity. I keep using his name a bit, but want to make it clear I'm not his groupie like I may at times envision some of his followers as poor lost alphas. Smiles at such a thought as no doubt egotistical on my part to even bother thinking like so. To truly disconnect or be free from such thoughts would see me accepting of everyone no matter what I see.

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz letting this one go as is. Back to sleep I hope I go.

Let the defragging begin. ZZZzzz

[Kirk]

Ponder, I hope you feel better soon.

[Ponder]

Hey there Kirk. Your well wishing is gladly received. I think I am passed the worst of it - (Touch Wood) - but sensing it is one of those bouts that heals slowly rather than suddenly. Today is recovery more from lack of sleep and a nagging sore throat. Possible worse for me as I am a mouth breather when sleeping. Hope to be bouncing back with a more optimistic outlook very soon. Thank You Kirk.