When All Else Fails - Befriending Self

[Ponder]

Because I don't like killing birds, I'll just say I'm copying and pasting for today's entertainment and play act on my stage for the sake of saving energy. PUN being I'll kill two events with one stone.

Here is my take on the current drama with Trump and Biden. A response to an article asking people if they beleive the election is a fraud. You don't need to see the article. The question is straightforward and my response really has nothing to to with Yes or No ... it's more me just looking to find my own answers which refuse to be cornered with such aboloutes. Just another log entry that's done a bit differently. What I think does not really matter when it comes to others - it's more about the space.
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Fact 1: As an Australian, I can tell you that our main stream media (like all others) thrive on creating drama and disinformation. In this light it does not surprise me that the media would stir the pot by seemingly supporting accusations of fraud. The fact is - MOST other reports in Australia are countering the accusations. Tit for tat game destined to influence main streamers into see trump supporters as nut cases:

Fact 2: Allowing the use of a Tinfoil Hat Recorded Voice shows well point one above, and 100% having that on air only creates a Tin Foil Hat image in the minds of those watching on listening on. It's a move that fits well into perception management but more for reverse psychology. These reports are not trying to support the accusation of fraud but more have the public think it's ludicrous to suggest it is.

What do I beleive? I think every political event is a sham were we are all puppets in a prison trap of one form or another. I don't vote in a country that makes it criminal if you don't. I simply don't play the game or feed the chaos ... although I am not sure if that is possible in a world that withholds the basics of life if your not seen co-operating in one form or another.

To be honest ... I don't really care who gets in or what they are doing as all roads point to pain and suffering. There is no escape other than turning you back on no longer participating. In your new direction start walking and never look back. Just keep going and do you best to create your own world and ensure that politics and religion have zero to do with it. You would also do well to ditch all those stories that create cult followings - those are just as much a trap as well. Glean, don't be absorbed - but ensure it's really you coming up with your own answers. Relying on news reports and the say so of others will only have you leashed ... pull you this way and that.

Let this shit be - they are all deceitful fucking liers - You can't trust either side or anyone else in this world. All you have is yourself. This shit will ensure you don't connect with that which makes you YOU. It's OK to be alone in a world of shit. Once you can discover yourself - You don't need to VOTE or participate in these fucked up games. Once you discover your real self and are OK regardless of how abused your false self may be - You will no longer be alone.

So my answer is I don't really give a shit if it's a fraud or not. I have more important things to focus on because it won't matter who gets in - The bars will never be lifted as long as we are playing this fucked up game. You can imply that I must - or that I am ... but for me it's a very different story as I am using a different brush! It's not easy stepping out of the insanity. It's lonely as! BUT - Isolating and all that - but only on these levels can you see the insanity and have a chance to see beyond the bars into a new world without the chaos. You can't be dragged back down if your no longer attached to the drama that keeps us bound.

I just watch an observed waiting until my last breath where in the end I will either no longer exist or at worst simply adopt that which I allowed myself to beleive. It's all been mentioned in previous videos on this channel. I give nothing of myself over to any information that I have not experience personally myself ... especially that which comes via a screen. And when the world does impact mine - I again do my best waiting for that story - another's story to play out. If I die ... I die. It all comes down to what I have allowed myself to feel. Panic is something I do my best to avoid. We live in a world of panic merchants ... I choose to use more words than most as deciphering this existence takes way more than reactive twits! Sigh ... That's enough brushing for me. Laughs out Loud and smiles.

Fuck the Votes I don't really give two fucks - no offence to those that thrive on the drama though. Best of luck if your into this shit.

Take Care - Dare I say PEACE
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The trigger comes from our good old friend the algorithm having notified me of a video on a channel that loves to entertain. Don't we all? I must say it keeps me going with my own brush to say the least which is why I am so glad I am back in here sharing such things that keep my breathing.

Today I keep working on my portal:

[Ponder]

WATER ONLY TODAY! Until this time tomorrow ... see you then!

[Ponder]

Nailed it!Lets see how I go with another day of water only. I'm pleased to report that whilst difficult it was not as brutal as my past experiences. Personal experience combined with repeated experiences is the only way to gauge 'anything' is this world. Reading about it is not enough and in most cases with things being the way they are, only reading often leads us astray. The best research is in self experimentation. Nothing beats that.

I'm actually quite surprised how easy I just went water only for the first day. I'm focusing (but not too hard) on what made it easy to get through the next day. Due to the ease of day one I don't mind revealing now that I am aiming for three days of water only.

Perhaps talking about it in the right light need not be a trap as such revelations can be re weight loss given long bouts of unsuccessful attempts. Generally when I am doing well I gain a lot of benefit from writing about the things I enjoy. It's not the suffering I enjoy. In fact it's the knowing from personal experience what water fasting has to offer. Freedom from extremes with an extreme act. It really is all in the approach/mind.

That said there are physical barriers to overcome and whilst the mind can assist in that, it can also hinder. My tendency to push past things have had me wind up in hospital with near renal failure. This time I just intend to push myself into semi suffering where already I am feeling the reward. Pleasure and Pain on my own terms. Way better than being a drone or a societal puppet. In today's world food is the number one drug. Whilst I agree over 95% of our the world's current food supply is Fake Food ... there is still an option that for an addict like me (most - or else why are we do we find ourselves in forums like these?) which when caught up in the junkie phase requires extreme measures in order to break free.

In that respect that is why my approach to water fasting is. The require reset in order to escape the addiction trap that food pretty much is.

So in a nutshell my last 18 months to 2 year bouts of super clean eating and states of clarity with well rounded and manageable bouts of inescapable suffering was enabled via my efforts in a seven day water fast. My broken anatomy junked up on psychiatric medications as well as number of other mood altering drugs made it impossible for me to go beyond that number of days. Not unless I wanted to kill myself or inevitably knowing I would wind up dead whilst clinging to some compulsion, neuroses and or ego trip to reach an unattainable goal.

Knowing that - My research - not someone else's ... I figure I can do three days without ending my life. Laughs out loud. Because I am sure Day Three will be no picnic as either today will also not be. Mind wise though I am doing pretty good. My thoughts are already starting to slow and allow room for acceptance to which I have talked a little about in my previous posts. Fear is another topic that is brought up in some water fasting articles/books that can make or break a fast. Fear is toxic and can end such the process of healing before it even has a chance to begin.

You know - or I ponder just now, how powerful the body can be in terms of capacity to regenerate relative to age and past damage done when we bring acceptance into our life in a way that no amount of reading or deciphering can. To be sure the latter can help us overcome basic forms and physicalities that stand in our way, but the ability to focus beyond such terms with self compassion and said acceptance is something that gets me as far as I can humanly go. Chuckles somewhat now as that latter could be seen as a cop out between those two camps. It also makes one wonder what a human is really even supposed to be in a world that for me sees are further distance from any really meaning. I won't even bother saying that hundred or thousands of years ago - people really knew. I think that approach can also be as much a cop out too.

NOW - every moment ... right now! From second to second - is a good place to be and one that living only on water will definitely bring about.

This is how I will get through today and also all day the next. I will envisage a nice smooth return to putting things inside my mouth. I doubt I will need anywhere near the amount. I'll also have a much better taste without the need for additives such as sugar and salt. Sauces completely unnecessary. I know that such amounts to sacrilege for most addicts of today. Even those that think they have a good handle and are well ballance. (Again - why be in forums like these if so well rounded) ... smiles. Acceptance that we are not is definitely that way to go. But more so that way in which we view this imbalance. Being unbalanced in today's world should be seen perfectly normal. From an objective view I think that is clearly the case.

Even in victory you can see the hate being projected on the faces of so many this day with another election in the bag. It happens on both sides as both sides are really the same and reflect well just how sick our world really be. They do it behind big smiles and various other emojs, that still clearly show disdain for their fellow man. They just hate in jest and whilst living in a toxic world day to day - I can't figure a better way to create my own toxic world than the act of no longer eating. Like I say ... at least this way I am doing it on my own terms. It also offers the potential for true freedom unlike anything our society has to offer. That said - it's also risky and warrants both research and small bouts of personal experience before.

So far it feels liberating ... even if my right kidney is starting to feel it on day two. Calling out the world for what it is and accepting that my intention to have nothing to do with it - IS OK - but the key in all that is HOW I view it. Do my best not to adopt all that hate. Adding to that do my best not to get depressed in the deceitful way people kid themselves hiding behind those smiles while projecting all that destructive emotion towards they view as less.

The how and why we have ended up in this state as a race is becoming less amusing as I fall deeper into the cost that runs that world. I think what happens is that projected negative energy becomes a dependency the more we fall into the addictions that are always being updated and manipulated. That understanding is enough to make choice - but the way in which we make that is key to freedom Vs slave.

Belief? Yet another calculation not so well adopted or understood.

Now I revert back into going from one second into the next allowing the fragmentation of this script and what comes next.

I got stuff to do which I can be grateful for but in that doing I'll be doing *&^% all!

If we could only be thankful for the air we have left regardless of how toxic that also be ... imagine a world where you don't have to eat or worry about basic needs.

Time to go back to living on less. Once you can do that, the less of a colar we have around our neck. The leash disappears as too the NEED.

To be NEEDLESS as opposed to needy.

Goto go guys ... I am needed. Round and round she goes ... where she winds up ... nobody knows.

Breath IN - Breath Out!

Vital Edt to Self - Let Day 3 be more bout the end of shedding the toxic world and just focus on creating an entirely different one where the need for others and their ideals be what they need that to be (wish them well and mean it) ... but be OK within your newly formed buble. Does not have to be about the same old reinvigorating color and all that well receptive banter ... focus more on the void of peace and ride with that. Enough of what is wrong - You've nailed it - leave that weight for others. Draw from it - but don't spend so much time on it. Time to move on.

[Ponder]

Hey Tone, if you have found this thread as well? Your welcome to join in here. Maybe you can slowly up your post count with a few shortened versions of what keeps you on track. Once you get started it does not take long. Just saying is all. It's been a challenging day for me. I had my support worker come over, then half an hour later my therapist showed up + had a cleaner help me as well. My daughter was also escorted from the house to the police station whilst I was half way through a post. My poor wife had her tooth pulled out and to top it all off my grandson came home with spasms in his neck where he cried the house down. People reading on might understand me a little better (those that don't already know me) with regards to why I am now receiving so much support. I'm deemed a permanent case on disability and also on a scheme that's actually doing a lot of good. It's important that I acknowledge that.

So whilst today was a roller coaster ride - I have to be honest I say that as much as much as I dislike what has happened and also pretty much everything about society, I am all for working towards making notes on what works.

Currently I am doing alright. I do hope you keep reading on and able to find your voice.

Once again - your most welcome to get you post count up in here. You're also welcome to PM if you so wish.

You have not missed the boat. I am still here and have been for years. This forum is a great place to do personal work. I know that lingo is not much chop for many but it's pretty much how I have kept myself going. There are also decent people in here just like you and me. Not everyone need suffer like us in order to understand what pain is all about. We all suffer this world in different ways, yet pain is pain.

Sigh - It was nice to meet you. I do hope you consider hanging out if even only on the side.

That's a wrap for my day. This is Day Two ... still only on water. Here is to Day Three. I think Day three is one of the hardest ... if deciding I go more. I'm doing this to get better, not to give up. You have to have experience to understand how it works. Being crazy does not instill confidence in others when they discover I am no longer eating. lol

Good night peoples ... I see if I can link this dude. He has some pretty good insights and easy to listen to:

This was a pretty good one. Depending on your stand with religion - you may just have to ignore that focus this guy puts on God. For the most part he is well respected by many not into religion because he himself is careful when sharing. He is probably the most enlightened man I know that has belief system in something I care less for. That said, he is ability to share what really counts makes a huge difference. I'm grateful that I can now see past the madness and puppetry of this world when it comes to listening. It's not a cure - but this guy really helps. Best enjoy his presence whilst he is still around.

When it comes to addictions - this one really helped me to make better decisions. There are still people in this world worth listening to.

[Ponder]

Well it's Tuesday morning and I still have not had any food sources what so ever since Saturday evening. Day 3 is one that I have often struggled with in the past on my water only regime. There is definitely phases throughout the day. Phase one is waking up which can be a little tiresome and whilst at this stage it's still much better than when I was eating, I am sure that could change as the days go on. In fact I might have to stop the fast (true fast) pending the pain in my right kidney. I've noted on scans how the branches on the one are a lot more restricted compared to my left. Of course the doctors did not regard it as an issue because my left one is fine and my right decreased function in the right is not causing 'enough' to warrant making an issue out of.

Here's the thing with the medical system. The levels at which they classify normal function are in fact way below what is that of a healthy human being. If they warranted assistance to everyone as soon as you organ levels dropped below healthy, then the health care system would be inundated. This fact is secondary to the concept of a Health Care System that thrives on Sick People.

Thus it pays to learn about what the body can and can't do for yourself. Leaving it up to the medical system is a dangerous prospect despite 'life saving technology' You really have to take things into your own hands. Despite the discovery that kidneys can in fact regenerate themselves, I really need to be mindful of just how far I push myself when water fasting. Water Only Fasting brakes down the toxins in food which takes a toll and both the kidney and liver.

The liver is also something I need to be extra careful with despite it being noted as a regenerative organ. I had my gall bladder removed which means my live has to do the job my gallbladder once did. Both by kidney and liver have been compromised with the eating mostly fake foods. Trauma and Anxiety also place a toll on the body which is not talked about nearly enough. Just what we are thinking takes a toll.

Righto enough banter on the warning signs of when to brake a fast. Reading up on the Myths is liken to reading articles written by people who are simply bias with the act.

Day three sees me with no flakes in my beard whatsoever. For me that is really saying something. That's actually a very good sign for me liver. The kidney however is something despite need findings re regenerative capability is something I need to be really careful of. Things that help is not sitting too long - walking gently only for short distances - alternating enough times to make it effective but not too much to stress the body when water fasting. Gentle stretching, rubbing the kidney when getting up in a backwards and forwards motion. Deep breathing, Meditation, Relaxing Music to suit personal taste, Avoiding stress but no stressing out about that which you can't change. All that kind of thing.

Fact is all those things are the key to dealing with Anxiety as is regardless of trying to go the distance of a water fast for it's benefits. Water fasting is just a great way to force you into doing those things. So clearly there are pros and cons to water fasting Vs those who enjoy righting about Myths. What matters is what I attribute to the act and the process in which I undertake it.

See what happens I guess.

HUNGER - Have I been hungry?
Not really. I'm quite surprised about this. The whole reason I decided to go back to water fasting is because of how I was using food to deal with anything and everything. My guts was hugely bloated which I am please to say is no longer the case. My therapist asked yesterday if I has lost weight. I simple said "No, I guess I am not bloated anymore. I have not eaten for a couple of days." I think the tightness I feel is no more than my stomach shrinking. I actually don't mind the feeling. It's been a long time since I have had that feeling. Hopefully it does not turn into a new addiction. I really want to connect with this feeling because I think it's the key to my ongoing healthy eating.

6 Hour Eating Window
It's known by many names. All I know it that what was key for me in my 2 year about of clean eating. I'll give credence to the concept that eating clean is way more than just about the food. Not did eating in a short window of time respective to the whole day work well but also choosing where to put the window in the 24 hour period is also key. 12pm - 6pm nailed it for me. Main meal at 12PM with something light and easily digestible before 6PM - might even be 5PM this time around since I am now going to be around 8PM. That last hour is flexible.

There is the One Meal a Day concept that works well for many. None of these concepts are wrong or right which makes reading most articles annoying. I really don't bother anymore because I already know what works for me and I really care less to write about it like I used to. I'm just lining up my reentry into eating once I am done with this water fast. The cleaner I eat and nail my times next time around will mean I can water fast longer without as much impact on my organs. People who waters fast regularly are not in the normal category with respect to bias reporting.

I'll consider it my new hobby. If I can do that I for sure come out on top.

It's sooooo good to be able to stretch at the moment and way less pain. Only day 3 and I'm feeling pretty damn good other then the niggles that come with water fasting. I'm so glad I have experience this time around. It's made it 10 times better. Way less brutal on my mind. Yesterday was tough but that was more because everything that could stress me did all at once.

Today is different. I feel like this morning in one whole exhale that brings relief.

Feet on the ground, Look and Listen.

Until Day 4 Water Only!

[Ponder]

Just a quick entry. Decided to settle on 72 hours / 3 Day water fast. Now off for a walk and feeling way better than I did over 3 days ago. Long story short for the next few weeks is intermittent fasting. Will probably experiment with the wide away of options during those upcoming weeks and hopefully months.

Would love to go on - but have decided to get back into my hour long walks. I best get started before the sun gets any higher.

It all starts with that first step and pushing through the rest. Picking routes not so easy these days ... arrrr ... Just reminded myself to use my car and drive to a place that offers a more conducive setting. Not power walking at this stage. Nice slow gentle and mindful pace is all. Doing so helps to navigate the triggers.

Righto, off I go:

[salvator here]

Good luck with your diet program and hope you walk went well. Not power walking here either just steady pace right now, as well

[Ponder]

Hi Sal & Thanks. Yea, making a new thread is sometimes good to reset the mind kind of thing. I'm just glad you're finding the energy to write again. You really nailed some key points for myself in your other thread. Thanks again. It's hard not to fall into the holes whilst taking in what's going on around us. Finding balance as we expel both negative and positive emotion as a result of all that goes on is what I feel wears us down.

The trouble with being too exposed and or constantly focusing on the negatives scale is that we end up in a pattern that is hard to break. We literally end up 'wallowing' in a negative mind states. Not all the time, but often this is the reason I wind up creating a new threads. Is good to break the cycle - or in this case create one. The act of wallowing itself is not good or bad. Some animals have a natural instinct to wallow. They do it in the mud and pools of water in order to keep cool and avoid biting insects. In our case we probably just find solace in it. I'd say we humans are more predisposition to addiction and simply don't know when to stop.

The other facet why we might find it hard to get back up is lack of energy resultants from being caught up in all the negatives for so long. We have been wallowing for so long in order to avoid what's out of the pool that don't have the strength to get out. Just like some animals we get caught in the mud and literally drown. How many times has instability of the mind lead us to being in exactly this state. Feeling powerless and helpless to break the cycle that keeps us bound?

I feel I am coming out of a huge wallowing period that has lasted way too long and one that I was seen me severely disabled. Disabled from doing the things that I know that works for me. Moreover, disabled from be able to do the things I usually enjoy.

Yep sir re ... the world is gone to shit! But hey man surely I am on par when I say the people like us already saw that before the world finally went into a pandemic. We already knew the score. It's why most of us have already been locked down before the concept reach out and grab so many who thought they were untouchable. In that respect I think CV has been a good wake up call for many even if they don't know it. I digress.

Let's get back on track:


Where was I? Arrr yes. We are in the mind set that the world is just going to keep serving up the same old shit. How can we not be in that mind set with everything the world keeps spamming? All the directives, streaming, standards and most of all; what confronts us right outside our doors. I don't know what truth is anymore. I care less for what is good and for what is bad. I feel the same way towards wrong and right. At least in terms that the world would have us beleive. As a result I struggle with belief. The one thing I do feel as I slowly crawl out of the mud to regain my health, is that we live in a distorted reality yet hold the keys to change it.

Now I don't mean to propose that we should ignore the world. How can we - it's right out our front door and why the likes of us care less for it. I do however, mean to propose that it's not only good to pick up another train of thought but it's kind of vital to our state of being that we ensure we do.

We got this. I'm sure we both know we'll end up back in the pit. That said, just like the animals we can make that a useful thing. But having had a good change of mind from time to time we find now find we are more enabled. More able to roll in the mud rather than wind up stuck or worse; drowning.

At any rate, at least we can be thankful we have each other. I've heard it said before that perhaps the only reason we are even here; is to help one another. I know I often switch between the extremes of expelling. But I do always bounce back with a hand for anyone willing. If not for the taking, I often extend to be helped. Both ways lead to the same road of acceptance.

Yadda Yadda - From wallowing to waffling.

Waffle anyone?

[Ponder]

1st the ankle biter. Thank you jesus! Thanks for toning it down from a pickaxe to an ankle-biter. Chuckles to self. ​I mean for FUCKS SAKE ... I am trying my best here! ... still smiling. I guess it's just a simple case of damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Last night I spent a bit of time looking for the highest capacity ultrasonic dog deterrent ... with the last for web pages on where to buy bear spray and an electric stun gun. Me being me, I gave up as even having to get around with such devices defeats the low key nature of my walks. I'm now just really amused than anything else. The bite itself was not the bad. It was just a tiny dog and it was more the aggressive way in which it too place. I'm out trying to relax my mind but then look down to see and finally hear this fluff ball thrashing around chewing on the tendon that runs into the back of my foot. I was at least thankful that I had my thicker socks on that morning.

I was quite slow to react as I was pretty much in another world with my earphones playing alpha waves and my attention on the ocean to my left. That said it did snap me out of my trance and momentarily had me question why the fuck am I even trying to do go outside my front door. I don't blame that dog. It was more a case of the owners just looking the other way as if it was my fault for walking in an off dog leash area. I don't know.

I guess that's the lesson from it though. No more walking in off dog leash areas as the owners just don't seem able to control them. It is interesting now looking back.

Despite caught up in the zone with the alpha vibes in my ear and still able to hear the ocean where I was walking, I responded to the dog owners greeting although barely audible to me with my earphones. I responded in turn by saying "Yea ... not bad thanks" and genuinely meant it. I suspect the dog reacted to the tone of my response. I'd already past by the stage the dog started yapping. I gave it no attention as I was just cruising with the breeze and actually ok with the fact another human made a greeting. But like I say, tone is everything. Just as is intent and all that. I kept walking back on track with the wind and the sea but like I say, the owners seem to care less when I finally stopped to shake their dog off the back of my ankle.

My mind was like "WTF ... Did I say something wrong? Was I not confident enough? Was my response too forceful? Perhaps too weak?" - It could of been anyone one of those things in the pooches mind combined with whatever mindsets of the owners had rubbed off on the dog. Such is the complexity of walking outside my front door in this world being the way it be.

Cool Story ... Moving On. I will find another location today where people and their dogs are not allowed. I think Botanical Gardens ... although early in the morning I go prefer the sun. I know another place where most people keep them on leashed. MOST - however with some of those you have to nearly jump over there leashes. lol What a fucked up world we live in.

OK ...
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John and Jesus: Despite an extremely toxic background in all things christianity I really like this guy and keep saying it. In this video John is replying to a letter written (or scripted/don't know what to beleive but does not matter) by a seemingly bitter christian who thinks they know better. I've never seen John get angry before but even in his anger he is quite reserved. I thought it was worth a share. It goes without saying that I don't always agree with John, however I understand agreements are not necessary and only add to the complication and confusion that plagues as already. That said I did caught up on words when John started calling the letter writer smaller, although it was more a question. "How small are you!? My mind instantly latched on like the little dog I described above with a recollection of another video I recently shared. In it was a person holding a sign 'Think Small' which resonated well with me. With John now in a completely different video roasting another human asking her how small she was - I was starting to get confused. Chuckles to self how the mind works.

I have now resigned myself to see that John is 'simply' referring to narrow mindedness, whilst the 'Think Small' sign that chimed well with me is more about 'simplicity itself.' What gives is the way in which my mind started barking at the way in which John gave his roasting in the linked video and more my mind's reaction to that. Having now pondered rather, no longer reacting - all is good. Feet on the ground - Listen - Look

Is worth noting that many see John as a Mystic. He does not. His take on Mystic is interesting though. He sees himself as deeply religious. His take on that must no doubt different. lol - sorry. In joke for myself there. More meaning he obviously has a healthy relationship with it. He is opening my eyes that's for sure and whilst my relationship with the concept of religion still bites - I too am attracted to his mystic like approach. I feel he knows more than he it letting on with respect to such. I like his spin all the same regardless of so many tainted terms.

Off for my walk. Here's to whatever happens next.

[Ponder]

It's OK, I'm not going all religious on ya. I'm avoiding toxicity so you can be sure of that. However I must admit from a spiritual context that has nothing to do with the dogma and patriotism - I'm in some ways once more opening up to some solace in a non-logical and non-tangible way. Let's just call it a flying teapot for now. Richard Dawkins would be pleased.

Off for a walk ... my second, for the day. Diet, outdoor exposure and sleep is going well.