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  1. #11
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    Wishing you all the best. I find talking to myself helps:


  2. #12
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    Good Evening. Back into the buying and selling again. My 32:9 monitor arrived and I could not be more pleased. It worth the risk seeing as I already had a decent 21:9 backup. Basically swapping out my ultrawide PC display for a super ultrawide display. I removed my other videos as the recordings were imo too choppy. I hope this one is a little better. I recording in the average 16:9 ratio for my daughter tonight as I flew over England. I was astounded to be getting more than 100 frames per second on Microsoft flight simulator. That's kind of a big deal. Seams my hardware selection over time is paying off. That said I'm not playing into the 4K range yet and care less to be as I really thing it's overhyped and the trade of on performance vs big dollars simply is not worth it. I would rather play ultrawide in 1080p.

    Not to worry ... this recording was not about hardware but simply about finding my way from Manchester and a few places in-between my daughters workplace and where she is currently living in the UK. I have plenty more trips to do there. I absolutely love the terrain and learning more about the place as I go along. I always wished my parents had never moved to Australia. To be fair it would no doubt be the other way around I am sure had I been born in the UK.

    Yadda Yadda ... here is a pic of my latest setup ... in my bedroom now:


    What else? Life goes on of course. I really can't wait till this damn family court case is all over and done with. We all do. We have full house now with our little one's mum seemingly going to stay with us. The little one is not so little anymore and quite a handful. Special needs can sure be tiering, but all the more reason we are fighting to keep him with the only family he has ever known. Other than the main compulsory things society expects others wise marginalizes and penalizes for, we pretty much all just stick to the house. Actually not so with our grandson. He gets a lot of sessions doing a lot of things he likes to do. Just saying when we are not focusing soley on him, the rest of the world out our front door is and has before covid been a non particapary event soley of our own choice. I see nothing productive going beyond that except to say why I invest so much into the digital world.

    In a bit of pain tonight. I think I will go take a pill. BRB

    Not sure what I did to my wrist. Feels broken. LOL. Yea we go. hahahaaa. WTF-ever. Best make a post and put that one up in the hypochondriac sub section. Combination of getting used to the new electric trimmer that is not that ergonomic (will work something out for it) + the new desk height threw me out as well. Just had on aging spot iced. I guess as long as there is always still something falling off, that means I am still alive. Not that I am counting my breaths. Chuckles. Sigh. Life is grand. At least my should is starting to finally heal. I am slowly packing things for our intention to move. Need more space. Doing so in the midst of a rental crisis but that's ok.

    Well ... this pill is starting to take effect. Might go lay down and let this video upload.

    Hope this finds others well.

  3. #13
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    Uploaded: Microsoft Flight Simulator 100+FPS


  4. #14
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    Warning - Ramble involving Suicide Pain and Suffering!

    Still moving towards building a semi cockpit project. Right now I am testing with smaller monitors on another flight sim separate to Microsoft Flight Simulator. It's not as graphical but it does support Multiple monitors. Happy with the results I am currently auctioning my previous ultrawide monitor:



    The funds from that sale (and a couple of others) are going toward two curved 27 inch monitors that will fit snuggling along side the ultrawide pictured below. THEN I will be happy. ... Laughs hysterically. Sigh. You get the drift: Below are two smaller monitors on the side I was just testing with. Turns out X-plane11 does the job pretty well.



    So it is that I have been pretty focused working out the software and hardware with the whole flight sim hobby. It's relly helped to keep me distracted in a somewhat positive way to an otherwise clinical depressive state.

    I hope you guys don't mind me sharing my hobby like so? I am not meaning to boast or show my 'things' off. There are plenty of simmers out there with fully fledged cockpits worth tens of thousands more than what I have got. It's taken me near 2 years to build up into this setup with buying and selling. I like to take advantage of our good eBay account.

    Anyways ... that is the flight sim story thus far. Who knows when I will burn out. The thing I like about my computer hobbies is that it rates as one of the best when it comes to putting on the shelf and them coming back.

    What else?
    _______________________________________________

    Warning - Ramble involving Suicide Pain and Suffering!

    Well the guy that held a knife to his throat and told my daughter he was going to kill himself ... (just before my support worker and I helped her move out) ... Hung himself just the night before last. I had to explain to my daughter that whilst it's ok to feel sad, that she should not blame herself and that's exactly why she needed to moved out. She felt compelled to go check out the details. I tried to explain that it was best to stay out of it as drama will ensue and old ties would seek to cling and attach as well as our addictions to self pitty become just another entrapment. I was able to talk explain about a guy that I took to court who wound up actually laying himself down on a tarp in his small garden tin shed we it was told to me he used a boning knife to slice open his throat. He too died. Both these guys were facing Jail time. Here's the thing:

    I've been close to taking my own life ... so too my daughter. Many of us can relate to the pain that drives us to such despair. I've done my time in Jail as well. Thankfully my daughter has not yet had to endure such a trip ... however my oldest boy has ridden the residual effect of what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body and done a stretch. Systemic issues don't just arise from one dysfunctional family - it can spread like wild fire, yet we are taught to localize such undesirables. Sigh. I actually feel for the guy that made me crap my pants most recently when he came at me with a pick axe, the guy I took to court who slit his throat and now this one that was abusing my daughter who just hung himself.

    Takes a deep breath. You know ... Yesterday I terminated a meet and greet because I felt that the healer I was interviewing/meeting just did not get it when I told her that my life is filled with pain and suffering and that I actually had no problem with it. That that part of my life did not need fixing. She asked me to give her some background so she could get a picture of me. After doing my best to explain the former she came up with "Living in the past ..." I stopped her as soon as she came out with that as to ask why she even mentioned such a thing? "Who is living in the past?" I asked immediately. I am only drawing from the past on your request. From there this healer came out with all the hall marks of enlightened work shop teachings you can get for nothing online.

    No more holistic healing for me. Too much quackey. From now on I am just sticking with clinical massages without all the aroma therapy, crystals, and god knows what else paraphernalia. I chuckle to think that when I finished with the list of dead people who in my book understandably knocked themselves off from a world of shit, (still do all the time) and then ventured into my own past abuse, sins, labels and then talked about watching my autistic grandson having to suffer the judgements of this world + watching my wife slowly succumbing to a debilitating illness with each passing year ... more so under the weight of a corrupt family court system (dragging on for several years) bent on it's own authority more than it's intended purpose for human rights ... bla bla and bla.

    That my friends is just life for some of us. We all have our stories. I don't see life easy up any time soon. That's just the back story and in my wife's and I opinion from out perspective we have come to accept this world as nothing more than utterly cruel. My computer devices, screens, car and possessions mean nothing to us when we think in terms of doing all we can to protect our family and other close friends from this shitty world. We still try and smile, joke and laugh off the insanity and pain ... the one thing we don't do is tell ourselves that we manifested all that BS. And we never ever tell anyone who tells their sad fucking tale that they brought all that shit on themselves.

    Be very, VERY wary of people that do.

    Not sure I made any sense. I know I am fucked up too. I forget more and more words when speaking with each passing day.

    THE GOOD NEWS - My wife is feeling better about our position re the court case. We have worked so hard filling and recording everything that no matter how complex this evil system makes things we have all the boxes check. No one was able to adequately counter our withholding grandson. All the supports, therapists and various other professionals have reports that back our claims. Long story short ... it's good to see my wife feeling a little more relaxed on that front. Whilst I see her slowly giving in under the weight of unnecessary complex road blocks - I do see how she draws strength from the simple process of being there for our grandson. She still does her work at the courthouse which also seems to give her purpose and space away from other tasks. Moving house, dealing with our daughters needs on top of the little fella is all tiering to be sure, yet there is also a momentum that keeps her going with such things. The one thing we need to be gone is this damn family court case.

    I hate to think of all the pain and suffering that has been deal to us with regards to pondering the uncertainty of it all, yet we have has some pretty good wins in our story as well. I do fear for my wife if at the final hearing they rule in the fathers favor. For those that know the story of our grandson, his affliction and the abuse at the hands of his father ... it would be the greatest injustice of all ... yet that is how authority rules in our world. It's not about right and wrong .. it's about bowing down and doing as one is told Those who dare to speak out or buck the system are severely punished and in that process the innocent are life long damaged all for the sake of ruling egos. I also fear how I will react when this fucked up world wishes to brow beat and give me an attitude test. Pffft ... Just going to have to bend over in that process and take it up the ass as usual. hahaaaa LOL. What the fuck ever. Let's have a little healing session on that shall we.

    Righto ... Better out than it!!!

    Have a fabulous day peoples!

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    We still try and smile, joke and laugh off the insanity and pain ... the one thing we don't do is tell ourselves that we manifested all that BS. And we never ever tell anyone who tells their sad fucking tale that they brought all that shit on themselves.

    Be very, VERY wary of people that do.

    Not sure I made any sense. I know I am fucked up too. I forget more and more words when speaking with each passing day.!
    Sorry, Ponder, to only quote this part, but it reached out and grabbed me. Let me first say.. I'm glad you are able to recognize the bright spots, and the good things you are experiencing. Given what you're dealing with, that is an accomplishment!

    To be perfectly honest with you.. Suicide crosses my mind daily, and I struggle to sort of push it away (sorry, see I don't make much sense either), sort of let it pass, I guess; and it usually does. Some days when I look at the big picture I get overwhelmed and wonder how I can possibly get through this. Some days are worse that others, though. I think I allow the negativity to rule over the progress I've made, sometimes I let it get me. While it may seem I am chipper because I joke and post upbeat messages - I'm doing just what you said - trying to smile, joke and laugh off the insanity and pain!

    Again, I'm sorry, struggling to find the right words, and I''m certain I'm failing you here with this, but I feel what you're saying and I mean well.

    I also don't care much for people that say we bring on our own misery. Fuck that! Nobody would chose to be sad and depressed, and hopeless!!

    "Let's have a little healing session on that shall we."

    I agree and think there is healing when viewing others pain and suffering, as we learn to reflect on our own worries and anguish, and sometimes, it bring comfort to know, at least, we're not alone here - we still have one-another even though we're miles and oceans away in different countries, I feel as though some people here are extended family. Maybe we can get through this together.

    I'm glad you're back posting, as I think you do need a place to unload and vent, or whatever.

    Wishing you all the best - Everyone here the best.

    Yours Truly..

    ~Sal
    I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.

    -Milton_Berle

  6. #16
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    Thanks Sal. It means so much to be acknowledged and you expressed that very well. I'm so glad we can still catch up from time to time. Your words come at just the right time for me. I know you and others can't be there all the time, but your right though, having some kind of space is very important, just as is having some kind of connection.

    Thank You.

  7. #17
    You're very welcome
    I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.

    -Milton_Berle

 

 

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