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Thread: Ponder

  1. #211
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    Ready to give up on life: The lived experience of elderly people who feel life is completed and no longer worth living -

    I found that to be an interesting article. Much of it really connected with me. I have been able to reason that from a spiritual perspective much of the suffering could be lessened to some degree by acceptance and letting go of societal ideology. That said, much of the proposed aching loneliness experienced and expressed within the article is something I think quite relevant to a very large proportion of society and not just relegated to the old. (epidemic and reflective of our sick society) Of course that is not to take away from the main theme of the article which in this case directly relates to those over 70 and have simply had enough from their own perspectives.


    It takes a long time to learn that everything in this world ends in failure. Still though, so many battle against this very fact. Acceptance seems the only option. So soooo much in that act to be sure. Hence a long time to work that one out. In this sense depression has much to offer, whilst those who are busily going about their busy-ness trying to be more than what they already are, will in deed, ache in much the same way towards their end or in my perspective and context, well before their ends.

    I just sit with that for a while. ... Nature is helping me a little. I've been spending a hell of a lot less time on this and way more walking bare foot on the grass taking in the sun as sensibly as I can all with an open heart to feel whatever relief comes. That really can't be expressed other than being in deep pain for one's self with a yearning to feel the sun. I guess despite the wishful ideations of no longer living, I know I must go for my grandson and even then ... even if we were to lose the battle to keep him, we must still go on and be there for him. That struggle alone is full of so many dynamics in which the learning curve to this cruel reality, must be experienced if I am ever to find peace. I'm beginning to see how avoiding these cycles just leads to more of the same thing, within this life - let alone the drama of coming back for another go. None of these thing anyone likes. This is why so many people spend their time running/being distracted.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Tomorrow that bandage comes off. Day ten since shoulder operation. I have about a 12 month period to 'full' recovery with the possibility with limited range of motion. I am in no rush whatsoever. It's actually turned out to be a good thing. Pain still persists and have a long way to go.

    Night night ..................

  2. #212
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    Feeling a little more grounded - Healing taking place

    I had a semi lucid dream that involved a hair raising car chase along the side of of a number of cliffs. It was during this point I felt like I had some sense that I was dreaming, but decided to ride with it. The dream started with some kings horses and men (a lot actually) that ended up chasing me and a few others by my side, where we escaped in a mechanical vehicle that suddenly spawned hundred of years from the future. Eventually we gave up that vehicle and stepped into some kind of weird interdenominational lift that popped us out into a time closer to today. This is where that car chase along the cliff started. I was not long then faced an adversary challenging me that ended up with me hacking people to death. It was at that point that I woke up at 4am.
    _____________________________

    My shoulder feels not too bad. The pain is not stopping healing. It's been present with me long enough that we are now one and the same. Smiles. I am super sensitive to pain, yet also used to it. A level of acceptance that allows for mending without the use of drugs. I've even managed to lose a little weight this time as I have been disciplining myself re those unhealthy comfort foods. In that process my skin is once again on the mend. Additionally I have also been getting to bed much earlier as well as spending less time on my computer; away from my four radiating screens. The next level of healing might involve taking out the ear buds and less fiddling with my phone. I think perhaps a return to printed books or the purchase of an ink pad. Yes, I think that would fit well into my current backyard ventures. While I am at it I would benefit from some multi focal glasses as well. Best to get the latter first. Taking multiple glasses with me everywhere I takes up a lot of space + tiring.
    ______

    I think that is enough acknowledgments and goal setting. Actually scratch the term goal setting and replace with 'setting intention.' I really need to drop all that clinical self help lingo. I too have ready many self help books over the decades and none seem to really hold any form of long term solutions for me. In fact most are based on the same fallibility to which our modern society is built on. Spirituality as it is also peddled is offering me less and less. It is as seemingly twisted and confusing as the common dynamics found in online truth seeking. ... Thus time to go back within. (I often say it, but always find myself drawn back out)

    This need not mean I no longer read or take other things in. It just means going back to what worked before and seeing if I can connect once more on those previous levels I have tasted before. Learning to live in a world that singles out those who do not feed it's current structure is a hard task to be sure. It's part of that long learning curve where at my current point and I doing my best to endure that aching loneliness so commonly associated with alienation. How you view or from which point you look, with respect to who is separating who? That being a key element in the process of suffering. The more one identifies with that which they yearn to leave, the more pain one suffers in that process of alienation. Yet if one can sit with the discomfort that comes from braking away from said attachments and distractions - the more one is able to endure these natural reactions / phases of depression. (definition on natural being where resistance has the potential to trigger or acceptance can take place) Only then can one fathom the concept of learning from suffering. However, I would term it as simply moving on. That concept I think is as misinterpreted and often comes up the same as telling someone who is gutted to 'cheer up.' I am sure it has merit, but in today's butchering of terms it does - for me at least - more harm than good.

    That's a wrap. I think I will head out into the darkness and cold then greet the sun in whatever mood I am in when it comes.

    Have a good night/evening.

    Adios.
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-25-2020 at 01:53 PM.

  3. #213
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    Dressing Comes Off

    Making in roads ... but still very sore!
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-27-2020 at 03:22 PM.

  4. #214
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    Time to focus on my affidavit.

    Will work on video evidence and start outlaying my own affidavit re the family courts. The video evidence is a bit of a story in itself and really something more for both my wife, grandson and myself than it is to the courts. The affidavit however is more crucial and going to take quite some effort.

    I wish the little guy all the best. Today he begins his long journey for the second time for a week long stay with his father. Supportive we are, however we can't say we are positive about our grandson's safety. He never wants to stay at the fathers house and has spent quite a few nights bed wetting coming up to this event. The video we did entails recent events involving more hitting.

    For those out there that condone hitting children as a form of discipline, you best give up reading. I intend to show such antics as nothing less than regressed abuse being passed on. Point is, this father beats an autistic child who when faced with stress always becomes nonverbal, although yells and cries. He is getting older now, yet still quite underdeveloped in social terms from a neurotypical standard. Child beaters ... (Many who use physical discipline end up abusers due to the fact that the quickest solutions always corrupt) Child beaters are quick to react negativity in situations they themselves feel uncomfortable. They hit first then ask questions later.

    I leave it at that for now, but will soon return to using this space to flesh out and leave the 'too much info' in here and hopefully end up with some better notes in my draft; where it counts.

    Adios ... until next post.
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-27-2020 at 03:56 PM.

  5. #215
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    I purchased a couple of games as Steam is having a Summer sale. This one looked interesting:


  6. #216
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    Great one on ego. Nail that and you can quiet the mind.

  7. #217
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    Despite religion (which I don't think this guy is) I really like him. He actually reflect much of Echkart in his talks:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sJrPVvMGaOU
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-30-2020 at 02:23 PM.

  8. #218
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    Poor grandson is continuing to be flogged. This time we have recorded multiple disclosures and combined with a number of other facets of evidence, we have now decided that we will no longer be sending our grandson for unsupervised. This a huge step given it could be interpreted as contravening current court orders, however, strong is our evidence that the father has already been contravening orders and in that process has been abusing the child. Whilst it's a risky move on our side of the fence, it will force other parties to consider the evidence a lot more seriously than has otherwise been previously dealt with. We are sick of this feeling of being looked up as lairs and fabricators whilst watching our grandson regress before our very eyes. He is such a brave boy and it is our intention to validate and encourage him for his valiant disclosure. His father is unaware of just how much evidence we have built up. Enough said.
    __________________________________

    Phew - what else is happening. Shoulder is still very tight and sore, BUT, with again - with each passing day it's getting slightly better.

    Life goes on ... Breath In ... Breath Out. Trying not to hold all these cruel realities in a bitter twisted knot. lest toxic opinion wells up and ranting and raving ensue. laughs out loud. Bla bla bla and literally more bla bla bla

    Sigh.


  9. #219
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    Sitting in My Discomfort. Resistance to Suffering. Fragmentation.

    The guy flying his or her jet is less likely to come to terms with his/her ego as to that of one whom finds their self sitting in thier allocated prison cell. That being something I just paraphrased from the Russell Brand and Eckhart Tolle interview linked above. In my own efforts to work on Ego (takes a life time) I have never gelled with those who feel the need to defend the ego by saying there is the 'healthy ego.' Echkart sums it all up well in the following link.


    In his video ‘On Ego Versus Healthy Self-Esteem?’ Eckhart proposed that as you grow older ‘Healthy Self-Esteem’ is not enough. In fact, that the concept itself is transcended and what takes its place is Healthy-No Self Esteem. Whilst admitting the low self-esteem is the more detriment of the two, this does not lesson the negative impact to be had basking in the ‘easier’ to live with concept of ‘Healthy Self Esteem.’ Both dynamics of the ego are identification with form. Comparing one form against another – comparing one’s self against another in a sub subconscious effort to yield satisfaction from being ‘better.’

    To quote Eckhart from the above link in reference to how we contrast and compare ourselves when bolstering our ‘Healthy Self Esteem’ “… Ultimately, to put it bluntly, others who have less or know less or can do less than you …”
    This nails my resistance to such clichés terms as ‘thriving, success, betterment, overcoming, attaining, prosperity’ and so on. This mind set in the end sees one’s sense of value or worthiness being dependent on this all too often pedaled philosophy. (widely driven by the self-help genre)

    An appealing ideology that sees many wishing to be so much more than they already are. It is in that process of building their selves up, the construct of an acritical light that whilst feels warm, fuzzy and easy to live with, shines so bright, that those whom they have contrasted their ‘selves’/ego and so called ‘healthy self-esteem’ with, are driven into the opposite direction where sadly many of those then identity with low self-esteem.

    Now whilst Eckhart plainly states that the pursuit of these limited pleasures, satisfactions and feel good states of being is fine – Or again in his own words “… it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive to do great things or have things, or to know things, but the question is – Ultimately … is that a satisfying basis for your sense of who you are? … and in the long term it is Not."
    ______________________________________________

    Eckhart then goes on to talk about illusion and delusion where the true sense of ‘self-esteem’ which he re words as ‘true sense of worthiness and of power (true power) comes when you realize the formless in yourself …
    Which brings me back to those sitting in a prison cell Vs that of whom are flying in their Jet. I now chuckle when contemplating those dependent on the illusion and delusion of self-help philosophies that see so many seeking to be flying in that jet. More over how limited all those motivational terms really be.

    So, it is that I continue to contrast in the opposite direction where my struggle is resistance to much of the same thing. (AKA Comparatives) Thus begins the cycle of acceptance where I would do better to simply be still and endure the silence that when practiced enough, I will find the space that helps … I go walk on that now. I remember so clearly now saying in a recent video of my own ... how comparisons suck. ... I will probably never be able to articulate it ... but I know what I mean.

    When I myself get all of this ... it is during those times I am less threatened by others out my door. I see them as just as fallible as me - other times I see with the same potential without the need to play any mind games. To be fair and honest ... it's never easy in this world the way it be. It is what it is, but how we hold that is, seem to be key. Much of this take is from the video below ... It's just my take. If you too like me are sick of the limited and shallow mindsets being sold today - give this guy a watch. I only just glean - he is NOT my guru. That's not my thing.

    Have a great day/evening.

    Last edited by Ponder; 07-02-2020 at 02:41 PM.

  10. #220
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    Un plug!

    Long term ... being two words echoing in my mind from Echkarts 'Ego Vs Healthy Self-Esteem' YouTube Vid. The latter invariably as much a road block as the former. “… it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive to do great things or have things, or to know things, but the question is – Ultimately … is that a satisfying basis for your sense of who you are? … and in the long term it is Not." If you can't grasp that, give that video a listen. Insightful stuff.

    You don't have to live that long for something to become long term. Yet a life long lived will typically impart a deeper connection with whatever is experienced. In that light we would do well to be careful with what we take on board as well as what we impart.

    One thing I do know, is that no matter how deeply routed in suffering one may be, is that it's never too late to break out of rut. The cycle of up and down too often belittled and then labeled as some kind of ... disease ... to be overcome. Such context of instability that reigns in this world, is in my view, quite natural; albeit quite uncomfortable. I'm not sure why ... but now thinking how we are not born with sin, but more how we are born into sin. I would add though, that our species does carry with it an inherent predisposition of instability where our bodies are easily triggered in a world that exploits via the swift process of preconditioning. That said, I don't care to use the DNA excuse or one's memory making it impossible to move on. I find much of Echkarts wisdom great for disconnecting from all in this world that seeks to keep us bound.
    __________________________________________________ __

    SIMPLE STAR GAZING WITH SIMPLE TOOLS?

    My next non-adventure.

    Of course it does help to have some experience which does require a little insight and dare I say planning. First I go contemplate my next list of purchases then come back and contemplate on my approach ... in returning to a passion I once had. What better way to disconnect. This time I need to forget about imaging, over-sizing and complicating the process. That's how I ended up dropping my photography hobby which resulted in my loosing a connection with nature whilst being too caught up in the showboating and technology.

    My wife made a post for me on FB (I don't use it for community groups other than our computer charity venture) asking about good places to go. She got a lot or responses of people wanting to take part as there is no astronomy group here. That said, I don't want to get back into astronomy - at least not into it like I was before. Anyways - such a large response of people wanting to stargaze has made me think "... do I really want others to come ... or do I want to be alone? - OR - Should I do both and only have one or two come if I do decide to do it as a group? ..."

    Until next post:
    Last edited by Ponder; 07-04-2020 at 04:24 PM.

 

 

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