Ponder

[Ponder]

Coming of the pain killers is no different than an addict coming off drugs. Feeling hot and cold, nauseous, and really tired. Looking forward to that passing over the next few days. Shoulder still hurts like hell, but that is now preferable to the sick feeling of pain killers long term. Not much else ... still eating like shit but am mindful of it at least. The hysteria is out local area still continues with media and government having a field day re perception management and all their other like wise mind games.

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

It will be 2am shortly. I started a new Channel with a new goal. Never before have I struggles so hard to get back on the horse. Although I get very few views, I am going to turn comments off as well as viewed ratings. I don't mind inspiring myself like so, but I have had the odd troll follow me and give negative feedback with a video regarding my grandson. I have since mended that issue. I won't allow myself to be trolled like that again, yet I will go forward with my little new self made channel to assist me in doing what I must in order to heal myself. I am surely a nut job, but I don't mind being like so whilst being myself! We have far too many pretenders as is.

It's going to be old school no gloss vloging. Best I can do this time around it to keep them short and on point. Very hard for someone like myself. I am pleased to say that this one comes in just under 4 minutes. Job well done. Hey just getting in front of the camera is a job well done. You can do this Davy Boy!!!

Video - Day One:

ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Night night.

[Ponder]

WOE!!! Taking a step outside my back door and having a hard time with the LIGHT! I can't beleive how long I have kept myself inside. I do want to get back into walking, BUT - still not feeling as well as I thought I was. I'm still in a phase where I tire easily. I got a long way to go. I can see how when I cut myself off and start eating crap just how fast I regress. Anyways - it hard for me to focus. I did a another good job keeping this video on point and still within the 5 minute mark.

Video - Day Two - Stepping Out Into The Light - WOE!

[Ponder]

No video today ... bored with it already - OR - just not feeling it more likely. Too depressed today I thinks. Got sucked into FB with all the drama going on of late and fully regretted it as soon as I did. Shoulder pain not too bad ... although still has me bitching somewhat. I am more concerned for my wife as she is not doing so well. Too much drama from too many directions. Family court coming closer mostly. Don't know what we will do if we lose our grandson. He has been with us pretty much all his life. My wife told me how she was loosing faith in society today. I was unsure how to react as I lost that a long long time ago. None the less I feel very much for her. Anyways ...

ZZZzzzzz I'll keep on keeping on. Changed my computer setup today. Did some house chores as well ... need to do more.

That's about it. Night night.

[Ponder]

I will try to make a video later talking about the challenge of going out in the middle of a pandemic whilst already suffering with mental illness. Shopping being the biggest issue and the fact that many of us have what's often referred to as in invisible illness does not help. I'll try to write about it as well as I understand watching a video of someone can be just as off putting. I think it's good to talk about it, but also in a way that does not add to the problem. Just making a note of it, because for me it's very much an issue, despite having a partner that although incapacitated on another front, is more able to shop compared to me. None the less, even for those of us that normally don't like to go out, things being the way they are with the perpetual mass anxiety attack taking place ... well ... that alone is worth talking about.

Back later. I need to do some gaming.

[Ponder]

I'll type just a little - I wanted to focus on the anxiety thing, but since this is my thing and I'm doing it to handle my shit - I thought it only fair to speak about what makes me tick. There will be nothing of value or help for anyone tied into all the hysteria of late. I really do think it's all total BS and now starting to view it all from a more entertaining position. One I have been watching long enough. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz For me ... either the world will wake up, or it will just continue to crash. What will be will be. I think is more about doing what you can to suffer less but for so many caught up in the game, I fear they will continue on like sheep. I have plenty, but when it comes to being values as a human being ... my efforts mean little because I am not contribution to the economic machine. So it is that whilst I don't want to see people suffer, that I think this latest bout of panic might be a good thing. Many people will see more closely just what a BS society we live in. That at the end of the day will be a +. Right now I am as much as THEM and fail when I say US ... fuck the Us and Them ... I hate that kind of talk and when it comes out like that, I really don't like myself. That said, I know what I mean. In that light ... it's really OK either way.

Believe as you must ... but ask yourself, is it helpful for you to beleive in that? If enough people beleive it ... then sure ... it will no doubt happen. Right now I see the world manifesting it's own disease. The one it probably needs to have in order for the game to continue. It' quite possible that the negative aspects will just continue ... more than likely if what I am feeling is how we are all being led. Not a rosy notion ... but it feels true enough for me and talking about it feels better than not. I care little who agrees. In fact, like I have alluded to, I hope the world creates more toxicity at the current level. A part of me has been hoping for a long time for something like this to happen; regardless of the pain I feel we must all endure. The sooner pain is accepted, the sooner it can be subsided. But for those that feed off negativity, it's best to keep people living in fear. Round and round she goes.

Video Therapy - The Laughing Tin Foil Hat. Yea yea ... bla bla ... Works for me!

Adios until next post.

[Ponder]

Age Of Truth on YouTube ... Gets interesting from → here.

Way better than too much time on Facebook. Each to their own.

[Ponder]

The truth is, there is none. There is only self and I for one have had enough of this pittyful existence. Nothing I have can ever fill that gap. Trouble is, that once you wake up, it's very hard to go back to sleep. Instead you have to make the most of living in this trap. I dont have the energy to walk, but I should make good use of the scooter I have.

A few hours away from self radiation and stale air is indeed the antidote for whatever.

Not sure I'm going to be able to go the distance of this existence. I'm trying ... I certainly dont like feeling this way, but know I'm loosing my grace.

See how I feel after some time out of the house. Irony that everyone else is playing along and or being forced to stay hidden away. A world of disconected cells.

[Ponder]

China Virus you say? I say go fuck yourselves you religious and patriot bigots. Other than that ... had a great time at one of the local Cafes with a friend. My video therapy is helping.

The Time to Social Is Now: Fuck your Virus as well!!!




The China Virus - Trip to the Cafe and then making this 5 minute Vid! By the time this uploads, I'll be playing World of Tanks. Have a good day!

[Ponder]

Righto - enough of that. Something different ... relating to finding things of interest. I've been following the construction of the Rockets that I feel will make it to Mars. I was born in 69 just before the Saturn 5 either landed on the moon or pulled of a mass hoax. I really don't know because I don't beleive everything I here unless I was there and or able to discern the information for myself. But the footage I have been watching of late seems indisputable with all the correct lighting and so on and so forth. (hahaha and hehehe - more tin foil hat territory) But seriously ... I love watching the construction taking place. I also love the way Elon communicates and the way he talks about AI as in for all the fear mongering he either inadvertently or expertly goes on with, I sense he is the world leader in such an industry. Personally I feel AI should be at the forefront of our latest epidemic ensure resources are spread equally. Other than bowing down to the military and hopefully that being more an exploitative venture for Elon and his Mars plan ... I think Elon ... think similarly. At least that is how I would like to think.




The next link is some guys 'Mars Concept' for a PC game I absolutely love! It's VERY entertaining to watch ... relaxing too. My brain gets rocks trying to layout all the infrastructure before I get stuck into the detailing of livable cities the way I would like to see them.
The Link to that video is here → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDX8YQ_aGnY That's just part 1 and I am yet to watch it in it's entirely but know I will most likely watch the other part/s as well. Most of this is for my own benefit as I often pop back in here to see what's on my to do list. Often this place I make as a framework to finding and fostering my interests ... which is key for my stability. Anyways, I hope some of you may consider it a worthy watch ... at least to kill a bit of time or take your mind off the latest chaos ... whatever the be.

Have a good one guys.