I Have No Idea What I'm Doing!!

[gypsylee]

Have you emptied your inbox yet? The old timers should always have an open door.

Yes.. All 5 messages.

[gypsylee]

And the ones in your sent box, too? Cos they count.

Oh right. Done.

Man, my mother is so fucked in the head. So manipulative and everything has a price. Then there are the games she plays involving other people..

[gypsylee]

I'm upset after reading Ponder's thread. He's willing WW3 to start.

I know he's frustrated about things, but he has a lot to appreciate in his life. He lives in a safe part of the world, he has a loving wife, and he's devastatingly handsome (despite his torn asshole).

I'm going for a channeling session to cheer myself up. With luck, I'll be able to channel me, the Self.

Suff cat haha

[gypsylee]

Christ, now WW3 is looming. I had a fit of depression last night and I think it’s safe to say that if you *aren’t* anxious/depressed there’s something wrong with you. I’ve been saying this for years but it’s getting beyond a joke.

What separates human beings from other animals is our ability to think forwards and backwards. That’s why we get anxious and depressed. If you look to the future now, it’s really not looking all that bright, is it? So I came to the conclusion the way to deal with this is living more in the moment. Mindfulness and so forth (though I don’t like that word much because it’s become such a buzzword).

I’ve read a lot about Eastern philosophy and they are the experts. Taoism is sort of the pinnacle of Hinduism and Buddhism and is the “religion” of the Zen masters. Zen is something most Westerners would find very difficult to even conceive of, let alone practice. The Zen masters can spend 17 hours a day meditating and take a lifetime to achieve mastery (if they ever do). I don’t really understand it and I’ve read books and listened to lectures.

But the Western mind is so “programmed” to look to the future in particular that it’s very very difficult to live in the moment. I’m better at it than I was because I’ve lived on the edge a lot and haven’t *had* much of a future. Taking each day as it comes is pretty normal for me now. I still need some sense of a future though.. Like some reassurance the human race and the planet won’t be in a state of crisis. I’m just not feeling that right now at all. I don’t know what the answer is. I sure would like some competent leaders thiugh.

[gypsylee]

Actually, Alan Watts talks about all this and says the key is not to take things too seriously. Laugh. I’ll look for that video.

I love this man He and Terence McKenna (and more recently Jordan Peterson) have been my saviours.

https://youtu.be/dSmWyT0Sa04

https://youtu.be/qQFcNFAzXGo

[gypsylee]

A plane just crashed in Iran killing everyone. I’m not liking this game very much.

[Dahila]

yes Ukrainian plane

[gypsylee]

I had some hardcore anxiety last night. Lately it’s almost impossible when I’m like that to just lie down because I don’t want to face the full force of it. So I do stuff on my iPad.. Go from Twitter to FB to forums to YouTube, looking for any distraction I can find. That strategy isn’t so bad when I don’t have to do anything the next day but today I do. So I forced myself to stop and just lie down. The anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks and that shit is nasty. My mind screams for anything to take the edge off it.

Claire Weekes said some very insightful things about this. Anxiety is basically fear, which means your body is flooded with adrenaline. She called this the “first fear”. The big problem is that when that’s happening the mind wants to get involved and it comes up with what she called the “second fear”. That’s all the “what ifs?” where you start imagining all the terrible things that might happen. The second fear fuels the first fear. So the trick is to stop the second fear. She had an acronym — F.A.F.L. Face, Accept, Float, Let Time Pass. For me the words “let time pass” have a calming effect. She used specific words (which is very clever if you know about linguistics). So I say that to myself and just lie there and be still. Last night it worked and I fell asleep.

[gypsylee]

The noise here is such a big contributor to the anxiety. The freeway, the tourists, the building.. Now some guy is mowing outside. I’m tired and have to get myself to this appointment 30 mins away. Tired is better than anxious/angry, but fuck I’m so so sick of it.

https://youtu.be/lm8oxC24QZc

[Dahila]

I usually get up and plays some stupid arcade games , the ones I do not need to think