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  1. #1
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    Nobody Likes a Quitter

    Unless you're quitting something that's self-destructive and addictive.

    I'm sure we're all guilty of pursuing certain addictions. During times of introspection I ask myself how long will I continue down this road? Realistically I've been living with numerous addictions for a large portion of my life: junk food, pornography, alcohol, video games and cannabis. I find myself to follow an "all or nothing" approach in life and it does me a grave disservice.

    We all know that exercise and health eating helps the mind and body. Not eating processed junk should be a lifestyle we all pursue - and yet the unhealthiest foods seem to be the one's we crave the most. The dopamine released from eating an apple compared to a slice of cake is like comparing night and day.

    I'd like to pack it all in truth be told. There's no merit or enjoyment in these addictions I've recklessly allowed to continue for so many years. The burden on my mental and physical health slowly becomes ever more apparent as I continue down this road of wanton self-destruction. As tolerances build, the mind and body requires more and more until you reach a point of unsustainability.

    I feel burnt out every single day, often simply through the act of waking up in my bed and realising it's another day of being me. Working this office job I have no passion for, relying on a couple of beers or a smoke to take the edge off at the end of the day. Finally, ending the day with the seemingly ritualistic and deplorable search for pornography.

    This doesn't really feel like a life that I hold in any form of high regard. I'm utterly exhausted - and I think it would be best to stop pursuing all of these destructive distractions. Truth be told, anxiety has been excessive these past 24 hours. Whilst it's not exactly a prolonged panic attack, I'm holding onto so many overbearing worries and fears that I've felt sick to my stomach for the best part of a day.

    Whilst being too hard on yourself often isn't a constructive mindset to hold - I am utterly disgusted with how I've lived my life through excess this past decade.

    Ed
    How strong, how costly, the urge to fight our fate and turn back time. But life is meant to be consumed, not preserved to ward off doom. One can surely die from fear, before the end is ever near.

  2. #2
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    So I'm on day 3 of no weed, alcohol or porn. Boredom isn't so bad. Gaming wasn't as rampant this weekend either. I figure if I can get the substance abuse and porn under my belt first for a few months, then I can move into the video game addiction.

    Ed
    How strong, how costly, the urge to fight our fate and turn back time. But life is meant to be consumed, not preserved to ward off doom. One can surely die from fear, before the end is ever near.

  3. #3
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    wow, I wanted to post here but I was so busy, Congrats on third day of sobriety, every day is a victory
    Yes we all have some kind of addition
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  4. #4
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    Panic attack on my lunch break.

    Still, it was probably more nutritious than the food I ate.

    Ed
    How strong, how costly, the urge to fight our fate and turn back time. But life is meant to be consumed, not preserved to ward off doom. One can surely die from fear, before the end is ever near.

  5. #5
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    Raggamuffin I hope after so many years with dealing with anxiety and depression , you know how to manage the panic attack. Are you better now?
    I had quit a quiet few things in my life and the first few days are cruel , so I was using ativan to give me some peace.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  6. #6
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    I'm alright now. It was short lived, but it left me rather burnt out. When I got back to work I was in a bit of a daze. Was making frequent mistakes and stupid one's at that. I didn't let it get me more anxious though. I find these days when I'm anxious I bounce back quicker, as it's never an experience or symptom I haven't felt before.

    I'm under no illusion nobody could ever be free from anxiety, as it's a natural fight or flight response. I simply do my best to not let it get triggered senselessly through oversensitization. The main issue I think has been an overall low mood this past year or so. But again, things are improving and moving in the right direction.

    It's all progress at the end of the day.

    Ed
    How strong, how costly, the urge to fight our fate and turn back time. But life is meant to be consumed, not preserved to ward off doom. One can surely die from fear, before the end is ever near.

  7. #7
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    of course we will not get rid of anxiety; survival of the species, We are able to change our reaction to stress but it requires a lot of work. You are good, after panic attack I am not able to function or to sleep, then the meds.
    Ragga step by step as long as you live and do something
    I just noticed I know you (here) for 6 years
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  8. #8
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    Keep heading in the right direction, Raggamuffin.

  9. #9
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    Day 4 now. A couple of minor urges. Nothing major. Got a porn blocker but that's a token gesture really. Set up my ISP with an adult filter too.

    Weekend will be somewhat tricky with regards to weed and alcohol but nothing too harsh I'm sure.

    Just got to keep busy

    Ed
    How strong, how costly, the urge to fight our fate and turn back time. But life is meant to be consumed, not preserved to ward off doom. One can surely die from fear, before the end is ever near.

  10. #10
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    Keeping busy is often an effective way to distract yourself from mental health issues.

 

 

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