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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
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    Philosophical Musings + Diary of 'My' Experience

    PhilosophicalIntro:

    I thought If I leave that my life would somehow improve. Well, no change there. (chuckles - actaully it did - hopping it stays that way) The same old string pullers and sheepish puppets seem to be everywhere. If I have come to seeanything clearly since trying to escape, it's that my frustration comes from my own resistance/s. This plays into the esoteric concept of reflection with the solution to that in the shedding of belief systems. The irony for me is that most negatively impacted always think it's someone else or some other group. The world continues to sleep ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.

    Yes, I am returning as abstruse as ever. Don't ya just love it. : ) Much will be repeated, but always in a different way with new meaning. Such is how evolution works in a back waters world. But before I take stock in that … time for an breakdown on my most recent experiences.


    Recent Experiences:


    I'm not one for events. Writing from that perspective seems to be overly opinionated (rife with bitterness), yet writing from one's own experience yields more of my true self as oppossed to what others would have me think. The episodic nature of my existence as its been has led my last bout of climbing out of - yet another hole; a rather physically enduring experience. Whats New! (Chuckles again) My neck pain has returned with crackling similar to my loudest shoulder. Whilst sometimes after being in the sun I feel good cracking from side side, I have to be very careful as if I crack to far to my left, I fear I will literally break my neck! Locking it up is the most painful experience I have yet had. The long and short of that experience is how that has led me in a new transition when entering into the ups and downs of my ever continual cycles.

    WORKING? You know how much I hate that term. Such a toxic ideal when used in terms of this world's most valued commodity. $$$ In terms of this worlds least valued commodity (Humans), I am still doing what I like to do. We have given away 5 computers now. I am back into computer refurbishing.

    https://www.facebook.com/goodwillcomputersherveybay


    I still like my hobbies. That is good. I share more in here re my latest PC builds another time. A companion FB page I made to complement the Goodwill Computers Page. It's a place where in the end I was able toget another 2 individuals to join me in MineCraft. Fun fun fun - in new worlds not like this one

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/computerchitchat/

    PC GAMES– Yea, I have since added to the collection with a couple of new ones. Nothing too big. Some gifted, some not.

    FOOD –pleased to say I am back eating clean. I'm also just being and not doing when it comes to that. This being part of that transition Ireferred to earlier regarding how much pain I am now experiencing.

    THERAPY – No longer seeing a clinical psychologist and have yet another completed diagnosis from a Psychiatrist. I am done after 8 years of full time psychotherapy. I went every 6 weeks all those years with a couple of months of here and there. It's another storythat is probably worth sharing. The Psychiatric intervention whilst providing reports like a means to an end is also something I hope to end, well at least for as many years as this (correction 'MY') world will allow. The constant proving of one's worth in that realm is as toxic and plays into the world's current climate. BUT that all said, I am now receiving a new form of therapy. Instead of clinical – it's what many refer to asholistic. You know – the stuff only rich people get. (Back to chuckling)

    Of course it's being billed as clinical. The last thing our society would want, is to be receiving help that actuallyheals. My God – imagine that! Actually getting better would would be no good for our world's thriving industries. Society would collapse. We can't be having that. We must all cling to our labels; we must stay sick! For most – it is preferred, as to get well means letting go of all that suffering. Were would we be without that? I know –it's a lonely road; I can tell you that. (Smiles) Giving up suffering is like giving up drugs. The latter you don't have to behomeless, Xcon and all that. Of course if you instantly associated such terms with the word drug, then I would conclude that means your as deeply hooked into this world's decpetion.

    Off to work we go – high ho, high ho - off to the voting box we go –high ho, high ho and on and on As if one's contribution in these areas means one is oh so important, so special. People could not be more deluded,yet that delusion works so well. The ultimate deception of string theory where the puppet actually thinks it's real. Waking up bites! It offers real freedom with the potential for less suffering. No need to worry about whose in power when you find out just how much more one really has. Matters not who is in office or what laws they make when you give such deception no attention – those things no longer exist. POOF – you create you own worlds. Thus is the meaning to how we create our own pain – our own opinions … like all our bitching. Social Media loves that shit like we love ourselves.

    6Kg down and skin all repaired – steady as I go. I'm purging again – to be sure – to be sure. In my new world - I fit not into that most people toil. To whine, to nowwhine – that is the question. The way in which I hold my thoughts is what makes me me. I'm holding up good enough for now, with now being where it is. So much conflict with those who cross my path which no doubt comes from my own reflection … but in this I confront what I must and let others go as - they must, whilst being true to what is me? - so that when others continue to whine I may nolonger sap it up. This world still sucks and I am yet to see this version of “Oh how great it is to be human.” *&^% No – I doubt I will ever subscribe to such a notion – yet I am still wary of what I choose to believe. Belief itself something I find as limiting, yet has the potential for freedom no matter how other sperceive. Being self deluded in a deluded world means believing in one's self, Vs being controlled/asleep.

    Now to go outside and practice working on my reflection – with some work, I can makeothers disappear. Laughs Out Loud. Whatever works right? But only I can know from my perspective. I do not subscribe to this notion that even if we are all one, that there is this inherent need that we must all be sniffing each others bums. Laughs again. Far from it. I see no purpose and am find with that - OR – that our purpose is to have no purpose. I do what I do because I want to and it makes mefeel good. (even if that is to suffer) That is all there is.

    I know what it is like to have no desire – desire is like fire – but yet a perquisite to existing. Lack of it means to be dead (which in this world can be an attactive thought - yet in that moment desire can come where one is able to now be as opposed to not) I will pay that word desire as much. In clinical terms it is the essence of recovery yet that latter sign post onethat's forever twisted. Who is broken? Was I ever really broken? Am I in need offixing? … and on and on. I'm done with all the psycho babble –mental masturbation – analytical thinking. I leave the logic to my gaming and even then I would much rather adopt a more intuitive approach.

    KISS– Keep it simple stupid – Get Up – Go outside and great the Sun. It will not bitch and whine about the latest TV and BS Social Media Reports – It simply does not give two fucks. Now that's afriend worth knowing.
    Disclaimer - I don't know shit, but I am switched on and care less if I don't fit!

    Adios until next post.
    Last edited by Ponder; 11-03-2019 at 02:41 PM. Reason: Because whilst I dislike what humans have become - I care enough so that others suffer less.
    "...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/

 

 

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