Philosophical Musings + Diary of 'My' Experience

[Ponder]

Medication Side Effects: are starting to make themselves felt. Lets get specific.

Disclaimer - this is just what is happening to me. My experience is My experience.

Woke up at 4am EXTREMELY exhausted and was extremely exhausted before going bed. For all the possible benefits, I think the timing of this trail period re seeing how I respond to this medication is counterproductive given how much I have on my plate of late. BUT SUCH IS LIFE

I feel like I have crashed and burned. I feel hot and tingly as well as exhausted. I already had issues with peeing regularly, but since taking this medicine I am now finding a have a reduced flow compared to previously. That said, erections are a non issue (so far so good). I'll keep notes on ejaculation. The latter, perhaps not everyone's favorite subject for note taking: but it all counts and is just yet another fact of life I care not to omit. I have a cut in my mouth resultant from dry mouth syndrome. I feel my body is a lot more acidic and this morning feeling nauseous with a not in my gut.

I think that is enough for now.
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I am worried about the impact any medication will have during the first stages of my body countering a foreign substance and the timing with so much upheaval going on in my life right now. However, in order to make this trail worthwhile I must push through for at least two month until my next appointment with the psychiatrist that it motoring me. Speaking of which, the effectiveness of the psychiatrist to asses will only be as good as my own observation. Hence my dedication to keeping records and doing my best to check my bias, fear, preexisting anxiety & varioius other condition.

My routine was shattered this last couple of days and I normally don't react well without meds when that happens. So it is that I will straiten myself up, continue on my the exercise I missed, go for my walks and prep for the house move (charity job) this week end. I will continue looking for a new rental that best suits our changing needs + several other things that need doing. I write all these things like so as memory is an issue for me and I also need to inspire myself in order to keep above board during those periods with so much happening all at once. Must ensure the new rental has separate living areas!!!
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Mental health support also soon to change. More so just the agency. My coordinator has been away sick resultant from being overworked and residual stress. In fact the agency in question entrusted to assist with NDIS funding is always struggling with too much work and changing staff. I requested and thankfully my current NDIS coordinator agree, to port me over to the new agency or wherever it is she decided to be.

I organised a new psychologist (clinically certified - I think. Toats the initials DR next to her name) that specializes in some of my DXs/Traits. Whilst I wanted a break from Psycho-Therapy - I generally know how to make it work and do not stay with therapists that adhere to pushing or over challenging. There will always be a level of text booking that becomes as literal/bright as a highlighted pen to which any therapist will project their own level of rigidness. They are after all, only human and subject to the same precondition as the rest of us. Learning to accept that and be respectful of their own human error helps. Anyways ... not going to go on about my dealings with therapy right now. I have plenty of time for that for that later. Just keeping things grounded when talking about therapy because I know many practitioners cop a hard time in forums like these compared to the way people talk about their meds.

I do hope the meds I am trailing have something to offer, and if so, it won't be at the expense of my other supports that I know and value. Taking ONLY meds and relying ONLY on meds defeats the purpose of being medicated in the first place. If I am to enter into the medication arena (which I have already been part of) it will be done only in the true context of what medication is suppose to be. Just an aid ... the next level of band aiding and dependent on 'my' own needs, that may or may not be a long term thing. Taking one medication to counter the side effects on another; is not the trap I will allow myself to fall into. Once that starts happening, it matters little whether it's a case of one failing one self, or the practitioners failing patients or both failing each other ... if I don't have full control over my own intake and observations, then I will go full natural regardless of the consequences; living natural in an unnatural world. I'm all for combining the two - but only when self control is not relinquished.

Adios ... until next post!