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  1. #31
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    Medication Side Effects

    Medication Side Effects: are starting to make themselves felt. Lets get specific.

    Disclaimer - this is just what is happening to me. My experience is My experience.

    Woke up at 4am EXTREMELY exhausted and was extremely exhausted before going bed. For all the possible benefits, I think the timing of this trail period re seeing how I respond to this medication is counterproductive given how much I have on my plate of late. BUT SUCH IS LIFE

    I feel like I have crashed and burned. I feel hot and tingly as well as exhausted. I already had issues with peeing regularly, but since taking this medicine I am now finding a have a reduced flow compared to previously. That said, erections are a non issue (so far so good). I'll keep notes on ejaculation. The latter, perhaps not everyone's favorite subject for note taking: but it all counts and is just yet another fact of life I care not to omit. I have a cut in my mouth resultant from dry mouth syndrome. I feel my body is a lot more acidic and this morning feeling nauseous with a not in my gut.

    I think that is enough for now.
    ____________________

    I am worried about the impact any medication will have during the first stages of my body countering a foreign substance and the timing with so much upheaval going on in my life right now. However, in order to make this trail worthwhile I must push through for at least two month until my next appointment with the psychiatrist that it motoring me. Speaking of which, the effectiveness of the psychiatrist to asses will only be as good as my own observation. Hence my dedication to keeping records and doing my best to check my bias, fear, preexisting anxiety & varioius other condition.

    My routine was shattered this last couple of days and I normally don't react well without meds when that happens. So it is that I will straiten myself up, continue on my the exercise I missed, go for my walks and prep for the house move (charity job) this week end. I will continue looking for a new rental that best suits our changing needs + several other things that need doing. I write all these things like so as memory is an issue for me and I also need to inspire myself in order to keep above board during those periods with so much happening all at once. Must ensure the new rental has separate living areas!!!
    _____

    Mental health support also soon to change. More so just the agency. My coordinator has been away sick resultant from being overworked and residual stress. In fact the agency in question entrusted to assist with NDIS funding is always struggling with too much work and changing staff. I requested and thankfully my current NDIS coordinator agree, to port me over to the new agency or wherever it is she decided to be.

    I organised a new psychologist (clinically certified - I think. Toats the initials DR next to her name) that specializes in some of my DXs/Traits. Whilst I wanted a break from Psycho-Therapy - I generally know how to make it work and do not stay with therapists that adhere to pushing or over challenging. There will always be a level of text booking that becomes as literal/bright as a highlighted pen to which any therapist will project their own level of rigidness. They are after all, only human and subject to the same precondition as the rest of us. Learning to accept that and be respectful of their own human error helps. Anyways ... not going to go on about my dealings with therapy right now. I have plenty of time for that for that later. Just keeping things grounded when talking about therapy because I know many practitioners cop a hard time in forums like these compared to the way people talk about their meds.

    I do hope the meds I am trailing have something to offer, and if so, it won't be at the expense of my other supports that I know and value. Taking ONLY meds and relying ONLY on meds defeats the purpose of being medicated in the first place. If I am to enter into the medication arena (which I have already been part of) it will be done only in the true context of what medication is suppose to be. Just an aid ... the next level of band aiding and dependent on 'my' own needs, that may or may not be a long term thing. Taking one medication to counter the side effects on another; is not the trap I will allow myself to fall into. Once that starts happening, it matters little whether it's a case of one failing one self, or the practitioners failing patients or both failing each other ... if I don't have full control over my own intake and observations, then I will go full natural regardless of the consequences; living natural in an unnatural world. I'm all for combining the two - but only when self control is not relinquished.

    Adios ... until next post!
    Last edited by Ponder; 11-26-2019 at 01:23 PM. Reason: ... to be more coherent & for easier reading.

  2. #32
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    Things not boding well, but still exercising and doing my best to keep my walking regular. Too flat out to even post. All in good time ... just saying I am hanging in there. Still breathing with a little purpose and looking for things that make life less taxing.

  3. #33
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    A Boundless Prison Vs Empty Space

    Insanity reigns whilst the tempering of 'God Knows What?' takes its place. More meaning I sense a spirit that dwells deep within regardless of so much unrelenting pain. One that keeps my soul tethered to a reasoning that cares little for logic but more a yearning for simplest path of being. This reasoning more a state of feeling where words could never hope to define. Moreover, the more this world attempts to do so; the more it confines.

    So it is with each passing day, that a piece of my heart is torn from such a place. A boundless prison Vs empty space.
    ______________________________

    I think that sums up my world perfectly and the eternal storm taking place.

    Until next post ...

  4. #34
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    Well that was a long break. Not that I went on holidays or anything. Drama continues to be sure. More suicide attempts with my daughter, hospitalizations, police knocking on the door, mental health, daughter claims a new DX of Paranoid Schizophrenia, courts place grandson in our care - still pending a final hearing and now full blown custody battle where my wife and I are still intervening. Can no longer allow daughter back in, although it breaks my heart to see her homeless living in a car with a parolee who's a known violent criminal heavily involved with hard core drugs. Threats of stealing and hurting have been made, but more drama than I care to warrant too much concern. Main focus is on the little one who is now protected from all that drama as we do our best to keep his and our lives stable. We have a pretty good case to shelter the little one form both sets of parents, however the process is quite taxing. Is going to be hard seeing him start his prep years still in nappies, but we got lots of support and certifications to ensure he can be pulled out of mainstream ... that is ... if they recommend meds purely to have him fit in & or the bullying outweighs the pros. (Human Nature and not something I am going to tolerate seeing an autistic kid picked on like that) That's when we'll pull that plug on his schooling and do it all at home ourselves. So many important decisions, interceding, advocating and planning re ALL his many supports. Despite my fears I and my wife are doing well (My wife is amazing!!!) keeping optimistic re his parental relations and ongoing schooling. All the more reason we are seeking to keep him in our care.

    Sigh ... I laugh to think if I should consider taking back up a paid friend via my own supports. lol ... what a world we now live in.

    Big Sigh ... You know ... that is not the half of it. My eldest boy just got out of prison no long ago. He is back like a yoyo with his X who partnered up as soon as she was rid of him. (both as broken as the other) It's just so damn hard keeping up with all that shit. In fact I just removed that young laddie from my facebook because she seems to play family members against the other. Yet another long story. I don't mind keeping the door open for my Son, but don't have enough juice left in me to play Grand Dad to another litter of kids. If I do, it will only be through my Son, who himself like my other daughter somewhat fragmented.

    The computer charity service my wife and I started is still going. That is good. My wife is still doing her Justice of the Peace thing and both still setting up houses for domestic violent victims. Unfortunately the last place we did was trashed by the person we helped - Just like with some of my kids ... you can't help those who don't want to be helped. It's all a matter of timing ... not to rule out overcompensating/sheltering VS tough love and all that. My wife and I accused many times of doing too much - but not an issue as the doors of that arc have now been closed. I fear my eldest boy will be next if he can't respect my position re aforementioned.

    What else?

    Time for a new walking program. Generally I do pretty good. However had a lot of crisis situations take place recently ... BUT ... is now under control ... which means I can get back to doing what I know works.

    Perhaps a return to my self motivating ways ... self encouragement and all that.

    Yes yes ... I think so.

    ZZZZZZzzzzzz Here's to a good start for the New Year ... only about an hour to go as I enter 2020.

    Things could be worse. LMFAO @ that ... what's next.
    Last edited by Ponder; 01-01-2020 at 06:02 AM.

  5. #35
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    ... another late night, but thats OK. Your OK Dave. Things are going to be OK. I have a friend comming up to stay a while. He should be here sometime tommorow.

    Zzzzzzzzzzz ... Go to sleep now .... go to sleeeep. Zzzz

  6. #36
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    Get up and get on your bike!

  7. #37
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    Ponder here. Seems to be a little hate train going on in the background regarding self. Should we feed it or should we not. Of course not. I did bite but all good. I leave those implications for what they really be ... or as I choose to see. If anything it validate my decision to of cut those ties. Instead I make yet another new thread. Is good to keep things moving.

    ___________________

 

 

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