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  1. #11
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    You can be in crowd of people, friends and still be lonely. What is the worst this is the worst kind of loneliness.
    Sal I do not trust people either. You are so right, When you trust you open yourself for more pain. I keep my distance and safe
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  2. #12
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    I like people. But I keep most relationships, even with long time friends, pretty superficial. I don't tend to reveal my inner thoughts to them. The closest I come is with my wife. I guess that is not surprising (many years of marriage).

  3. #13
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    my only person I trust and not completely is my hubby, I tend to hide my secrets, it's nobody business , When I suffer I dissapear till I am better.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  4. #14
    I know its not necessarily the best but I also hide away when I'm not doing well. I try to disguise how I'm feeling but I'm told I wear my heart on my sleeve and people can always tell. People see it as weakness because we are animals and people smell blood (though not all people are sharks). I wish I didn't feel that way about humanity.
    Last edited by salvator here; 07-13-2019 at 07:06 PM.

  5. #15
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    sal you do like I do, it is not good they say. I dig the hole and go into it, I do not know how to share my pain. I tried it is not working for me. From very early childhood I had tremendous anxiety, My constant stays in hospital and feeling of abandonment had not help. There were not children wards in hospital, when I was a child so I had to pretend that I am ok . i was terrified especially when I was witnessing woman passing, She had cancer, stomach cancer and she got hemorrhage, she said .>>>>>my name to call a nurse, I had and came back to witness her passing. I was terrified, I had not know anything about death , I was maybe 8 years old. Nobody in my family thought that I am traumatized, No one talked to me about it,
    I can not imagine not to talk to my children about situation like that. Maybe it is a reason why I hide myself . I do not know. What do you think gents?
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  6. #16
    Hey D..

    I wanted to let you know I read your posting and I've been thinking about you and what you went through. I appreciate that you opened up here, sometimes its helps somewhat sometimes for me anyway. I just didn't want to leave you hanging. I guess I think its pretty clear PTSD to me, but what to do even is that is the case? therapy and pills seem to be the popular answer, but we (of course) know different. As you recall, I have a thread here about this very thing.. opening up to your therapist and you see my success rate (Pretty Poor). Nobody can take away my pain or reverse time back and undo it. There is still a lot my therapist doesn't know about me and might never know. Perhaps we learn our own coping mechanisms to get us through our days - whether or not they are considered healthy in the eyes of the medical profession. I don't pretend to have any answers D as some days I wonder how I get by myself. I live day-by-day.. sometimes.. moment-by-moment. Its a 2 sided coin for me. I'm my best friend and worse enemy. When I'm alone (most of the time) I think and think and think until it hurts and beat myself up. Rarely do I praise myself for my achievements (I have come a long way when the odds were against me). Sometimes I do but quickly back to beating. I guess our past shapes us and if we're not careful, it can define us. I don't know how to step away from my past, sometimes I feel like it still haunts me.

    I wonder what Ponder or Kuma might have to add. Please take anything I say for what its worth. I mean well and I do care and I hope something I wrote at least lets you know you're not alone here.

    EDIT - Added something
    Last edited by salvator here; 07-13-2019 at 11:00 PM. Reason: EDIT

  7. #17
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    thank you Sal this is just one of the events in my life, probably the least cruel. Yes I know I have PSTD and I live with it for so long it become the part of me. We cannot change the past, and yes it shaped us. It is a part of us , we cannot get rid of our past. a lot of my life will never come out. I had unblocked my memories but they are for my benefit, I do not talk to any therapist, they have no idea, My therapist does know nothing about me It is funny sometimes how mistaken are people in reading me. I was married for almost 19 years , had two children, My ex hubby has bipolar , I could not stay with him any longer, it costed me too much. The thing is he was the only one who had understand me, we communicated with just our eyes in situation when we could not speak, So in my long life one person that knew me, to the core. I am in relationship but I do not think we have connection. It is more of convenience, we help each other. I like to be alone and not to deal with others nonsense , they will never know what I think or what I feel. I am pretty good actress, can fooll anyone. Most people like my calmness, eh How wrong they are
    Thank you Sal, I do want to keep this forum alive, so does Ponder .
    Kuma is back and he is my favorite person so nice and smart
    I feel closeness to all of you. Thank you gents for being you
    Last edited by Dahila; 07-14-2019 at 06:44 AM.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  8. #18
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    Thank you for the kind words, Dahila!

    I have friends who I enjoy spending time with, including some long-time friends from when I was 8 years old. (I am in my 50s now). And I enjoy being social, when my anxiety levels are not too high. But I usually don't get "too deep" with friends. With one exception, I do not talk about my anxiety and related mental health issues with friends at all. My kids know about my anxiety. One of them cannot relate at all to that so just ignores it, which is fine. The other, who is in his early 20s, has experienced anxiety himself, so he understands somewhat. But his situation and mine are very, very different.

    The one person I confide in is my wife. I feel like that relationship is totally different. But to be honest, these days she is pretty tired of my anxiety -- which has been extremely intense for the past month or so -- and she would much prefer that I just put on a happy face and talk about other things, rather than burdening her with it. That reaction is hurtful, because I don't think I should have to "fake it" at home as I do with the rest of the world. But I know that its just because she does not understand what I am experiencing, and to some extent is trying to protect herself.

    Sal - I was also interested in your comment about therapy. I do open up almost entirely to my therapist. I figure I am paying him a lot of money, so I might as well... Sometimes I think it is helpful. Sometimes less helpful. But I feel like I have to do everything I can to get better...

  9. #19
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    Oct 2013
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    I know I am late to this thread, but I found the last bunch of posts really interesting, coz it's something I've really been thinking about lately.

    I've had mental illness all my life, mainly anxiety, and I've always found it so hard to talk to anyone about. I mean, I've spoken to psychiatrists, therapists, my parents and siblings, but they've never truly understood it because I don't really know how to accurately describe what I feel, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, they've never had it.

    I really feel lonely these days because I feel I want to share this side of me with someone who is going/been through it (and I mean in person, not on an online forum).

    I feel like maybe I could develop somewhat of a true friendship (unlike my superficial ones) or maybe even a true relationship with a woman (I've always shied away from women because I don't want them to have to deal with my rough times).

    Do any of you have any advice/comments about befriending or having a relationship with someone who also suffers from mental health issues? I'd appreciate them... Thanks!
    Last edited by hlebhleb; 11-03-2019 at 09:48 PM.

  10. #20
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    I've noticed in recent years that I've been a lot more open with people about my anxiety and depression. They're fairly common disorders and people I talk to about it often know someone who's experienced it, or have been through similar experiences themselves.

    Meditation can be helpful if it's done routinely. I think most people struggle to maintain new regimes, let alone if you have all the doubts and negativity that comes with anxiety or depression.

    In an ideal world there'd be daily meditation, daily exercise, a regular sleeping pattern, a job that evokes positivity and enthusiasm and a diet that consists of very few processed foods. That's not to say we can't move towards healthier lifestyles, I just find that as I'm getting older, I seem a lot greedier with what little free time I get.

    Ed
    How strong, how costly, the urge to fight our fate and turn back time. But life is meant to be consumed, not preserved to ward off doom. One can surely die from fear, before the end is ever near.

 

 

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