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  1. #11
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    No I don't have any of those things (their respect - their attention - nor do I trust them). Because I can't pay, it's more like fast food line and everyone waiting for 1 french fry, then "next". That is how it feels to me and appears. Just dreads of society we are viewed as and they are boss dangling medication as bait.

    Given those circumstances, I think best to remains guarded then and I'm doing the right things, I think.

    Been slightly disassociating to the point that I don't even recognize my surroundings at times. No personality and others have said I have flat blank affect. At times speaking to others has been a chore I have to work at and fail miserably (stuttering and hesitation). Can't trust myself, I guess. Maybe just survival of the fittest and where I stand, I feel.

    Since the calendar turned over this year, I've felt pretty much like a lifeless corpse.
    Last edited by salvator here; 01-08-2019 at 08:09 PM.

  2. #12
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    PS: I am looking into changing around my medical team this year, but it will take time and its a process to change when in the system as I am. Hopefully make a difference.

  3. #13
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    I'm on the welfare food chain this end as well. I understand what you mean. What country are you in again Sal. Forgive my memory capacity. If your in America, I understand that to be a pretty heartless society when it comes to their own. Especially the unemployed. I care little what others may think of me saying that as being an ally of america kind of makes me sick. Given the facts as they remain when it comes to the welfare of their own kind. I have no respect or desire for any of the worlds authorities. I might of considered Sweden, but from what I hear, they to are falling victim to western culture.

    However in saying all that or expressing bitter disappointment like so ... we somehow have to live with - as is. You on the ball with taking action to do what you can in order to sever ties with those so called professionals who are obviously are not on your page. Yes ... at times it is us ... but then it is not. It actually matters little who is the one at fault ... what matters is you keep trying to find those who understand how to handle you regardless of blame. I've only gotten so far because I won't dance with people who do not listen, talk my language, or care enough about their so called J-O-B. I only work with people who like what they are doing ... anything else ... is not only a complete waste of time, but only adds to the problem.

    Once more it matters little how *&^%ed up things are or whose fault it is. It's a dog eat dog world out there, we have to make the effort if we want to be heard. That effort is a bit of a topic on its own. I know you have the will in you - keep working with that.

    Just because no one else is talking about what matters does not mean we have to quit. You like me in many ways ... you keep getting back up. I think D would back me up on that.

  4. #14
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    I like your analogy of a fast food system, Sal. We're usually given enough to prevent us from dying, but not enough to really nourish us.

    Certainly describes life in the UK atm.
    Last edited by Pollyfama; 01-10-2019 at 01:37 AM.

  5. #15
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    Red Pill Alert!!!

    In countries where the food is scarce and people resort to questionable actions, they suffer less on other fronts that make them more prosperous. More prosperous than many in the west who are deemed dishonorable for the act of being jobless. It's the culture of our society that robs us of our vitality. That there my friend is more poisonous than their cheap processed foods. Those that resist these facts will often spout the 3rd world country responses. These types how no clue what it is like to see things as is, they spend all their lives living with blinkers and clinging to comfort at the expense of those they despise.

    Then there is the dynamic of how comfort ... the drug ... attracts many from 3rd world countries. They too then become blinded (become workaholics chasing the $$$) despite claiming lived experience. So too ... their justifications and ramblings fall into line with so called well-equipped westerners, where they too start dishing out that rather pathetic 3rd world country response.

    So what to do? How to change one's point of view? Perhaps we should start living like eastern street dwellers. Hmmmmmm ... Now there is actually something in that. I'm sure Eckhart Tolle and Jon kabat Zinn would could chime with that.

    Seriously man ... there are pros and cons no matter where we live.

    Now how about the Pros???? All those damn services we should not even need ... how to make those otherwise control measures work for us, rather than the so called well to do and their blinded sheep. Give up on the culture man ... let it go. let that (*&^shit go ... acknowledge the pain ... which might include living with ... rather than shooting up western bliss. (Masking The Pain ... The ROOT Cause) That latter → a western fix, is like having your mind wiped ever time you see the shit for what it is. You even questioned before how temping that feels ... to not know how it is.

    I can see all those trouble kids with their welfare lunch boxes being told by their enforces/teaches, to shut up and take their meds. Oh but no ... that school bell that is not a bell , but is in fact a siren ... yes that one that instills fears at every period ... says so much more than the possy wossies who like to silence those talking truth with their sprinkles of rainbow cliches imprinted from the morning news. Baaahahahaaa Bahahahaaaaaa ... and so on.

    The GP, psychologists,psychiatrists and all those other so called professionals whet to those same schools as well. Once you detect main stream condition that YES ... is rife in welfare streams ... DUMP THEM ... and move on ... find another. How to do this? Leave ... stop seeing them point blank. unless your under some kind of ITO involuntary treatment order ... You do not have to keep subjecting yourself to their whims. You have the power to refute what these white coated puppets preach and automatically script out. Every now and then you might strike gold with one that is prepared to listen ... one that is not faking it. Takes a lot of walking out ... canceling appointments ... booking with new places ... taking risks with new faces. It might seem like doctor hopping for drugs ... but that's not the point. The process is the same ... but instead of looking for drugs, your looking for a fucking human that's interested in treating you and not the BS symptoms.

    This I not only do with GPs ... but all of them. Especially physiologists. I rate them as more critical to my health than psychiatrists. The latter are more under the thumb by pharmaceutical giants and extremely bias when it comes to empowering individuals. They are more like jailers than ever before. It's bad enough with doctors and nurses ... but those psychiatrist, only good for those who are happy with their pacification, those that wish to remain sleeping. I link it once more.

    Perhaps this forum is so quiet because I love to plaster these facts across the board. I know I have been blamed for it more than just a few times. But *&^$ it ... I feel the urge to start writing once more.

    We can beat this shit Sal ... learn to handle the pain and learn to live with.

    I hear man ... fuck that welfare mentality. I smile to think how such a term is aimed towards the undesirables, the ill-equipped, spout out by those who think themselves so much better, above and superior. Such complexes labeled on a whim, but in this case that term welfare mentality is none other - than one - adopted by overwhelmed and complacent health care professionals.

    Take charge man. You have now just admired ... these individuals can not help. We are the ones that must tell them how it's done. If they won't do their jobs, then find someone that can. The whole welfare feed line concept is something that we have to change; and we don't need a *&^% J-O-B to do it.

    Unless of course you live in America ... if so ... your fucked!

    Srry man. I'm already thinking of the responses out there making claims of no subsides or assists. This kind of proves my point regarding western culture. It's pathetic how those eating popper meals dare to make claims against those eating in the street. That there is the dog it dog world. There is NO positive in that. it's a huge irony when having to stomach the Oprah Winfrey crowds ... I am now seeing as much irony with eckhart TV.

    Yet many answers lay within each. It's enough to make one go insane.

    I opt out by saying once more how many living in the eastern gutters live more prosperous lives than many struggling in the west. All that BS 3rd world drama empowered in the same way we inflate terrorism. Yep more and more people dying on both sides of the planet with every cheap hamburger and Rolls Royce sold ... but better to do quick than suffer this pathetic existence in the west with so many above us always seeking to dis.

    Who want's to participate in that? Give it up long enough Sal ... and you'll see your surroundings once again. You'll see more of only what you need to see and be more able to switch off to the rest.

    I'm not there atm ... as in a cycle is all. You know how that works. I know you do. Each time I drill myself in the above social studies but only by taking the Red Pill!

    I also know you have taking the red pill Sal. Srry if I was part of that. lol. I'll help you ride the waves.

    I feel that I may be receiving more help than yourself right now ... I am srry if this is the case. I feel guilty to some degree when thinking of others who are unable to get the help they need.

    Taking the red one is a good start. You help yourself by doing that.
    Last edited by Ponder; 01-10-2019 at 02:43 AM.

  6. #16
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    Thank you guys, will reply better another time. I've Read everything several times over already and I appreciate it. Once I get on the other side of this cycle (even during manageable mania) I'll be able to reason things out better and think clearer, I think, just takes time and for circumstances to let up even just a bit to get on my feet again. Right now everything is hitting me all at once and I never do well when this happened, a lot on my plate, I guess.

    It Not so much ITO, just if I don't answer correctly, I get hospitalized. In a strange predicament now since Last April (2 hospitalizations last year), been a mess. Hard to explain. I suspect its not they aren't looking/noticing, its me.. I don't fit the (typical) mold. They don't know what to do with me and they've told me so.

    Sorry to hear you're also feeling that way Pollyfama, maybe as you say, writing more helps you to reason it out, for me it does when there isn't much help to be found. The forum is more helpful actually.

    Don't worry Ponder, you're not solely responsible for the red pill issue, I would say i was searching for truth with great determination beginning 2014 and didn't fully realize I had until early 2017 and there was no turning back. As I said though, the blue pill didn't work for me because it only increased my hatred for people and was always shocked and caught off-guard. Not a good way to go around. I will say, I learned a lot in a short few years and the truth did appear from experience and my healthy cynicism. I don't take things a face value. Never really did but not like now. Just what works for others doesn't work for me. I make no apology anymore.

    Don't worry, Just have to get through this rough spot and go into self protective mode with everything. I'll be ok.

    I appreciate that you care and no need to reply

  7. #17
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    Responsible? I guess we all play are part. Insightful response and I understand more once again from your perspective as you share it. I leave it at that.

    Take care Sal ... sound to me despite the discomfort and big challenges: your on the right track. I at least like to think so for all of us.

  8. #18
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    I go through my days lately on auto-pilot. Most days I wake up in pretty bad shape and it (sometimes) passes as the day progresses, but not always and I go to bed in crisis, but there is nowhere to turn for me. I see my therapist tomorrow again. Seems like a waste of time. Felt suicidal very much yesterday and today but just keep going and keep things to myself. The system is designed so that a person has (or can develop) a support system outside of therapy from friends and family. This is not the case and will never be.. doesn't apply to me and that is not wrong. When I tell them I'm a loner Its seem as bad.

  9. #19
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    Might create a new thread if needed as this really doesn't apply anymore. Just been rough lately I guess and not sleeping well.

  10. #20
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    Right with ya Sal although different time period. Was up.at 1:30 now 3:14.

    I've been feeling much the same way despite my supports. I feel for ya. Sometimes starting a new thread I find helps like starting a new line of thought.

 

 

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