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  1. #21
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
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    Australia
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    6,877
    Glad your back Sal.
    Last edited by Ponder; 02-09-2019 at 04:51 PM.

  2. #22
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    6,205
    Sal I know you are struggling. I am sending my love and good vibes, I have no idea if it helps you but I am here if you need to have someone just to listen.
    It is good to see you Sal and P.

    I do not think we need more people that three or 4
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  3. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    1,435
    Thank you Ponder and Dahila, I'll reach out to you.

    Today was alright. Nothing happened.

  4. #24
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    6,205
    Ask D how to reach me Sal
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  5. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    1,435
    Had a heart-to-heart with my therapist and he decided I am in crisis and something needs to be done, because I'm failing on my own. I try to pretend I'm ok but the signs are there. I'm now on more meds so everyday I feel like a lifeless zombie cadaver and it takes all day to recover. Anything to avoid a hospitalization right now it worth it.

  6. #26
    Senior Member
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    Jan 2016
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    1,435
    Exposure Therapy - Yeah right.

    I've been exposed to "life" for 46 years isn't that enough proof It doesn't work for me?!

  7. #27
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    1,435
    From the outside looking inward by others, it would seem there is nothing wrong here. I'm not sure if people assume that because I'm not yelling in a fit of rage or falling on the ground from anxiety or crying from depression - that I'm fine - because I am not at all. I'm not functioning by any stretch of the imagination. It would see that I'm fortunate that I don't have many demands put upon me and I only have to to worry about myself, and while for that it would seems I'm fortunate, but whom would chose to be deemed incapable of handling/dealing with normal aspects of a functioning life.

    This has been a unusually long cycle and it worries me that I didn't have the small breaks in between, only hopelessness and despair. I hope something changes quickly because physically I'm deteriorating as well as mentally. Nothing makes sense and I fell only bitterness and regret. Most days I go from sadness, to regret, to heart pounding gut burning rage, back to sad and hopeless and suicidal. Its not letting up for even a second for me to get up on 2 feet.

    I realize posting this isn't very helpful and there isn't anything somebody can say (that hasn't already been said) to change thing. I wish medication was the general fix for me that it appears to be for others I've run in to because I've seen it really turn people around and all I feel is just utter numb.

  8. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    1,435
    Please forgive me Ponder and Dahila for not reaching out to you both as I said I would personally. I've been too far down and to be honest, a basket case and I would be a handful to deal with in this frame of mind. But I meant to say I appreciate the good vibes you sent.

  9. #29
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    6,205
    Sal I mean if you need some talk I will be available, not pressure at all
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  10. #30
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    I am here Sal. I have been unable to sleep and just now only read your despair. That's hard core stuff. It's brutal but honest. I need to get out of bed, make a cuppa and read that again.

 

 

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