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  1. #41
    Thank you Dahila. I hope it gets easier one day.

  2. #42
    I often reflect when alone and ask myself what went wrong and when.. what would it take to put things back together (If I was ever "together" - can't recall as such)

  3. #43
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    657
    I recall days when I had my act totally together, mentally. I was carefree and living a great life. I miss those days. I don't spend time asking "what went wrong"? I could never figure that out and I am not sure I want to. I made mistakes but they are water under the bridge at this point. I just want to feel better.

  4. #44
    Thanks Kuma..

    Yeah, I can recall when things didn't seem this jumbled but that was a very long time ago, and you're right, I shouldn't focus on what went wrong (because I also can not pinpoint exactly). Sadly looking too far ahead and it looks bleak. Maybe focus on the here-and-now or something would be more productive. I pine too much over the past I think and it adds to my depression. I see my therapist tomorrow and I may touch on some things that I've not before, we'll see, and I have that fine balancing act because I don't want to be hospitalized again. He's quick to act and I don't like that part of the mental health system. Say the wrong thing and bam.

    Things started to go downhill in my late 20's when I started to have bad insomnia. Prior to that I used to just lay my head and fall asleep. Now, never.
    Last edited by salvator here; 07-22-2019 at 06:45 PM.

  5. #45
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    657
    What is it that would cause involuntary hospitalization? I thought that was limited to situations where you were deemed a danger to yourself (suicide threat) or a danger to others. Is that right?

  6. #46
    Sorry I didn't catch this sooner, Kuma. You have it right. Say the wrong thing and bam off the the ER. Have to walk on eggshells so to speak with my therapist. Can't be brutally honest because suicide crosses my mind often and its more than a fleeting thought.

    only getting 4 hours of sleep is wearing me out. Hard to be of sound mind. Dealing with insomnia for years and my doctors are well aware of it but only so much they can do I guess. Meds only do so much I guess. My mind races. Hard to explain.

  7. #47
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    6,061
    Sal I am dealing with insomnia whole my life except; now I started to take CBD oil and I sleep , I went down on half of does on Zoplicone, Maybe one day I can quit it. It is unbelievable what sleeping improve life
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  8. #48
    Thanks, Dahila, and you're right, I know the insomnia is a bit part of it. I'm on Zolpidem which is similar to Zoplicone (Z drugs) and they only help so much when my life is in complete disarray. Still some night are very rough. When my head hits the pillow I'm usually in terror mode and my mind is racing away. My sleep hygiene is poor I"ll admit that. I do have to make some changes to help things. I dink too much coffee. Trouble is I have a lot on my plate and there are no answers/solutions. No help in sight and no light at the end of the tunnel (at least not that I can see currently). Things seem hopeless.

  9. #49
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    6,061
    sal exactly that, I am so scared that I will not fell asleep that I actually turn on and on and it takes the hours, but still the least I sleep the more consistent I am to get up at 6 am, , It it tough now because it feels like night. The routing of getting up (I love sleeping in the morning) pays off. Half of does of Zoplikone which is really the same med as yours and 1 0.5 mg fo clonazepam once at 6 pm gives me the sleep Honestly when I started the oil. I had one sleepless night. I am on it for 7 months already
    try CBD oil it deos not make you high it is made of hemp flower extremelly low in THC
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  10. #50
    Thank you, Dahila.

    My therapist only knows what I tell him, only bits and pieces of what goes on in my head, lots of mixed messages and conflicted thoughts, just no way to put it into words really, I don't go out of my way to hide anything from him. If he asks me something I will be honest. I feel very damaged by my experiences and destructive (religious) teachings from childhood.

    My old med provider retired at the end of last year so its like starting over in that department.

    Oh well, I just take it day-by-day now.
    Last edited by salvator here; 02-26-2020 at 03:22 PM.

 

 

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