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  1. #81
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    eh I hate this world guys, everything is good, except I am not happy on this planet, Good cause I do not have many years, rather the limited number......... Today I hate everyone, yes me D. I do hate people ..............some days
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  2. #82
    Funny thing.. If I go along and enjoy my own company will little involvement form other people, things don't seem so bad, its other people that ruin a good day for me. The religious nuts are already coming out of the woodwork this year which makes things nasty for me.

  3. #83
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    Reading you loud and clear Dahila. It's the same with me when I am stable enough to take in the early or evening sun whilst bathing in the fact that I too will eventually be done. It's moments like that, that I am able to truly breathe. There is solace in what you say D. Many people do not understand it. I find it's a positive way to welcome death. It's a sad fact that we are taught to fear it. So much so that we live a lie ... aka ... Living The Lie.

    lol Sal - I thought at first "that's not funny" but your right ... I ended up laughing because if I don't ... Grrrrrrr. Yes we get them here to, but all throughout the year. Knock Kock! ... I find the spamming of all kinds just as intrusive. You can't even rest in your own home without people knocking or ringing. From solar panels to Jesus.

    Check this out ... I just took a photo of my front door:



    Lest the devil answer with no joy to be had. Lisa created it as a means to keep me calm as the courier drivers knock way too loud and always in a rush. In a sense it says more about me but since putting it up I am now more amused at how various people react. I still get annoyed with one guy who yells out "AUSTRALIA POST!!!" Kind of an irony ... I just smile at that guy despite my annoyance and his obnoxious resistance. Others then knock extremely softly ... go to the other extreme ... that one usually brings about a smile on both ends of the door. I leave the sign up because of that latter fact. Tradesmen also seem to have different reactions - my support workers think it's cool.

    It's the most polite way I can forewarn people ... lest a demon answer the door.

    Once upon a time ... such respect did not require such signs.
    Last edited by Ponder; 12-11-2018 at 01:59 AM.

  4. #84
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    I'm OK with inviting others or even putting in a request for time with others, however I am the same Sal that when other people interrupt that time or my solace ... I get all conflicted and wind up in a fuss. Interruptions such as my family or friends needing genuine help does not seem so bad, however if it's just someone wanting to sell me something thing or some belief, then yea ... that is a real pain in the but. I'll respect it ... but that's another story which requires respect as well.

    It's harder when we are down and out hey? I think it's fair enough and that we should not beat ourselves up ... but I do admit when I am feeling more up ... that I can handle that kind of BS a little better and might even start to think like a sheep giving the BS smile back. "Hello how are you today?" but then you know ... every now and then you get that "Do you know Jesus?" Well perhaps things have moved along in that regards. PHEW ... Yet ... it still happens as you say.

    I don't know man ... maybe we should just get in the spirit. Take the zombie fever to the next level and walk around like ice cream cones with big bright eyes and a wide cheesy smile:


    Hello, Hello, Hello, Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning, Merry Xmas, Merry Xmas, Merry Xmas ...



    Perhaps get really excited and go on FB and advertise myself for free casual licks? Seems to be the in things these day. lol. arrrrr ... got to have a laugh man. Free Lick anyone?

    ____________________________________
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    _


    Seriously ... I am going out for coffee this morning with a friend. Long over due. I have been asked to write about what I would like to see in a group. As in 'Group Therapy.' Currently I have been living very reclusive and whilst I like my solitude, I do feel the need to get a little more active out of my house. I have been struggling to get back up this time around. I see if I can focus more on that with the next few posts.

    Adios until next one.

    Have a good day/evening guys. Remember folks ... we can say whatever we want in this forum. Use that to your own advantage. Self moderation is key, but we understand our limitations in this forum and won't criticize or threaten you if you accidentally fall off the edge. If we do - it says more about us than it does you.
    Last edited by Ponder; 12-11-2018 at 01:34 PM.

  5. #85
    Yeah, I shouldn't worry about it so much, so long as its not personal to me directly I can overlook it. Just when people say I'm going straight to hell I get all jacked up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    I don't know man ... maybe we should just get in the spirit. Take the zombie fever to the next level and walk around like ice cream cones with big bright eyes and a wide cheesy smile:


    Hello, Hello, Hello, Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning, Merry Xmas, Merry Xmas, Merry Xmas ...



    Perhaps get really excited and go on FB and advertise myself for free casual licks? Seems to be the in things these day. lol. arrrrr ... got to have a laugh man. Free Lick anyone?

    ____________________________________
    _________
    _

  6. #86
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    I'm digging the ice cream face.

  7. #87
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    Back up and out doing the late afternoon sun walking a couple of miles at a very mild pace. Spent the whole time on the phone via blue tooth ear phones. Whatever works. In fact I talked my previous walking partner into starting walks on his side of town whilst I walk on mine. That way we each wont interfere with the other's pace, but be back to priming our circadian clock. Without a doubt its the key to my sleeping success. YAWNSSSS ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

    He is the guy that comes over my place 3 times a week to do body weight exercises. The funny or sad thing is ... I have a gym membership whilst doing all this and have hardly been accessing it; yet I am seemingly set to keep quite active without it. I start with a PT soon enough. That's really going to help motivate me on many fronts. FOOD is the killer though. But again ... the motivation boost I winding up will supersede most of those negative tendencies.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    I have been so drained this last week ... but have made it through ... does not feel like the middle of the week. I often do not know what day of the week it is ... but again ... that's all about to change. I can't beleive how far I regressed this time around. Not to worry ... getting back up is a process. I am feeling confidant that I'll be alright. I just need to work out some more alone time.

    Night night ...

  8. #88
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    LOL The police just knocked on my door ... but guess what ... They knocked Softly and apologized for distributing me when they left. See three posts from top of page.

    Even Lisa had a giggle. hehe.

    They were after a someone else ... next door.

    That sign surely has to stay.

    I'm always mindful answering the door now, knowing that - that sign is there. Whatever works ... right?

  9. #89
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    you guys are kind but I just do not open door if they are persistent I open and say dont spek eglash then bam the door closed
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  10. #90
    I've been walking every day as well - during the day to do just that - correct my circadian clock, because my sleep is very erratic as of late. I'm ok, dealing with bouts of mania, but its hard to say this, at least I can work with that and enjoy things and feel alive, better than being numbed from anti psychotic meds; I refuse to take those ever again. Today was good, walked almost 2 miles (to the dollar store and back) and wasn't lonely at all. Its a feeling for me (only speaking for myself) sometimes it creeps in out of the blue with (or without) the presence of other people. Believe it or not, I used to be a social person way WAY back, but I've changed (intellectually) and (as I see it) I've adapted to my conditions and circumstances which account for some of the changes form well over a decade ago to whom I am currently. Maybe that is not so wrong actually. I'm not that same person but I was also very very Naive and gullible then.. so not all bad.

    Oh and I peek through the eye hole and unless it the manager I never answer the door; never.
    Last edited by salvator here; 12-12-2018 at 12:09 PM.

 

 

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