Time To Get Back Up Again

[Ponder]

I like how you understand what works and what does not for you. The way you also keep yourself going too is another good aspect that rubs of well on me when I read your posts. I know it's not always a bed of roses ... but am really pleased when your pulling through.

I had some family crisis happen close to home last night and got no sleep - I think I will have early night tonight.

Take care guys ... Night night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I will continue my getting up early in the mornings and morning exercise routine. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hope weekend was OK D .... Your to Sal ... Sunday night for me now. Soon to be Monday. ZZZZZZZzzzz

Thanks for popping in. Both of you. It gives me a positive boost and helps very much. I must make an effort to change my stance and work on those things that also get my through. Thx Sal

[salvator here]

You're very welcome! I want to help others and not hinder without meaning to which is why I avoid negative complaining in other peoples threads if I realize I'm doing it of course, because, I got the feeling it can rub off.. so I'm glad something I said helped you. Don't get me wrong, something I feel paralyzed by my emotions and fears and beliefs; luckily, I have moments of clarity and realized that what/how I'm feeling is usually something from faulty upbringing and incorrect beliefs over the years of being in a haze. Bah.. is what it is I guess.

Let us know how your weekend went Dahila, I read your postings and I guess it takes a toll of you, hopefully worth it in the end.

[Ponder]

Some people need to hear the truth. Otherwise we end up with a forum full of people, but one where they cry over spilt milk and blame others for their own doings. I'm still doing it myself. It's a long process accepting the truth.

I support you know matter how your feeling, what your saying or what your doing. We have too much judgement and hate in this world as it is. Learning to accept people for who they are is where healing begins.

[Ponder]

... and on that note ...

[Ponder]

Just after 6am. Zzzzzzz. Time to get up and walk the walk. Life sucks, but feels better once you start moving.

[Ponder]

LOL my daughters hair dying episodes has finally resulted in her skin turning purple. She somehow it got on her and when she had a shower ... well ... She is freaking out whilst we are waiting for pics to be sent. We are all in stitches - can't stop laughing. Pacthy Purple skin is now in. I doubt we will get any pictures. Sadly this is not what she needed.

She was recently just sexually assaulted at our lovely local hospital. Police and Hospital seriously investigating. Hope the fucker loses his J-O-B!!! When I say 'OUR' I am speaking sarcastically as to sound like those self righteous fuckers who think they're better than everyone else. : ... Oh but I went cold turkey and I am so clean - look at me ... look at me ....."

Bash any vulnerable people lately? You FB types are good at doing that. You know who you are and so does everyone else. Go fuck yourself sunshine. - Dickhead !!!

LOL - incoming text ... My daughter looks like an Avatar like from the movie. Sadly I won't be posting that one.

[Ponder]

Even the solution to throw money at people discriminates against those who've been to prison... authoritarian principles that could not be any more hypocritical as on one hand seeking resolution, whilst on the other ... constantly rejecting. Those rejected will continue to be oppressed by self police. AKA brainwashed sheep disgruntled in said system who do the systems bidding.

Everyone's judge and jurere. Thus the rejects/rejection will continue.

The nature of this illness is thus permanent ... until one gives up completely on society and the false self. This planet is far worse than prison, so too the so called self righteous system that defines who shall be helped and who shall be not. The only people that thrive in such a society like that ... are selfish people.

I am all the things that call to be rejected ... yet it is through a life of constant rejection that I continue to live as a reject. FUCK YOUR SOLUTION ... it only favors those that lie and think of nothing but self.

Who wants to live in a society like that? 0.001 %

Is what it is ... Better out than in ... Acknowledged and Accepted!!!
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OK Moving ON.

Something Positive I did for the day was go for an hour walk this morning and this afternoon with a friend. We are still getting up early in the mornings and working on reclaiming our mental and physical health. We both suffer similar permanent conditions of an episodic nature making the best of whats left within. Well into week 2 and going strong. Have started working out at my place as well.

I'm going to chill with one of my PC games before bed ... might even watch a bit of Gaia TV. Much better than some of the BS I've been reading in here of late. Minus those few who actually encourage rather than blame and shame.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz Have a good day/evening.

[Ponder]

So you want to bash junkies hey? It was probably you or someone like you that then decided to send me all that BS about fire and brimstone with several bible verses via FB to which I typically don't use. The fact that some of us dysfunctional worthless non participatory individuals still use such toxic media, says a lot about our resolve to keep in touch with others whilst yet slaves to social phobia - our most adorned label.

Individuals suffering under the hammer of stigma and all it's associated shaming and blaming will only ever exhibit anti social behaviour. Thus those that come up with a special set of prerequisites in order that others will receive vs those that shall not and then go on to orchestrate, design a hierarchical structure that sees players fight for every scrap, sit back and thrive on so called reward - rewards that can only ever be generated from the suffering of those that have not. Such a reward secondary to the Babylonian Monetary System as the latter feeds the former. Hence the only form of freedom that can be truly experienced is that from 'being' a non participant who no longer needs nor wants or cares to be; as defined by said oppression.

Nail that process of disconnection and you will no longer be drawn into the required bashings and brow beatings. In this ... the repressive system need not exist.
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Hmmm ... Tis a constant battle to be sure and I'm obviously still suffering. This the extent of what it means to be in this world ... alive and kicking. Hmmmm I must admit though I have had good periods in which I have only ever been disconnected.

Is good to be writing once more.

Keep rattling my cage, I got plenty more.

Time for my walk.

[Dahila]

You are upset , I had not been here for few days, yeah fb is awful, people are so judgmental there eh.

[Ponder]

It's amazing how much truth spills out during these emotional states. Working on it D. Feeling better having seen you pop in though. Had some major drama go down at the same time as that triggering post. (the one you have already commented on - btw thx ... appreciated what you said)

Sigh ... The whether here is has extremely sultry. Very sapping. Still though I am doing my best to keep up my morning routines. I am grateful that I have been able to do that. So far so good.

Thanks for your understanding. I would understand if you felt it best to give me a wide berth whilst I am feeling like so. Personally ... I am glad you did not. Don't think for a moment just because I am not using FB as often that I have forget about the connections we have made over the years. It is the same with the others who have gotten to know us in that time.

For all the pain we have expressed regardless of imbalance, we have also shared many insights that have help each of us right our boats. I know I am not easily understood and or seen as a crack pot ... but it's worth it to know the few who occasionally check back in here.
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Enough ... what else is happening ... You deserve good news for showing up in here. Hmmmm ... I am eating well enough. That is true. Makes no sense to eat like crap when your making efforts elsewhere with the healthy lifestyle living. I am dreaming again. That's always good ... even the weird ones.

Oh yea ... Me and the little one had a good jumping session on his new tramp:


I read up on how this activity is really good for autism (like any 'activity' really) used my small loan money to order and build it. Just big enough and can also hold my weight in it so we can have fun together. That's a top of the range brand here in Australia. Vully. Needs to be because of the intensity of the sun here. Is very safe all round and well constructed. I'm just glad he has a safe place to let out what he must after spending time at school and his dads. We also just go a pool recently, but we keep that at our place. It takes more maintenance and also a safety risk. But the thing is both he and I have the means to mix it up when we are both in need of blowing off steam. He is getting bigger now and being a stick of dynamite needs things like this to help him process and let the toxins out.

So rest easy in knowing me and the little fella are still helping each other out.