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  1. #21
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    Not I, but I hope you have a good time all the same Sal. Doing well enough D. I assure you I am not take anything to give me a rush. lol .. just know what it takes to get back up and doing the best I can - as in actually doing something about it while I can. I have to still crawl out of bed ... but once I get up I feel much better for it.

    My last few posts are more about me working on my spells ... the power of words can not only do a lot of bad ... but also a lot of good.

    Congrats on the success you've already had Sal ... I like your intent.

    The power of intention is a very powerful tool! Nice to see someone else using it.

    I agree D ... Peace will come in one form or another ... yet there is much to ponder in how short that period may really be. hahaha ... Next life scenario ... what a depressing thought. Let's just work on this one shall we? Rhetorically speaking I mean.

    Hope this finds you well.
    Last edited by Ponder; 11-21-2018 at 04:01 AM.

  2. #22
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    Not exactly a fired cracker and nor do I want to be ... but I'm back up again and moving again.

  3. #23
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    Hi guys, Sal I do celebrate Thanksgiving, in Canada it is second Monday of October. We celebrate it in my mother country Poland with a lot of festivities, On late September, I believe
    D, I was just teasing you. I know it is so hard to get motivation to even get up in the morning.
    Sal I am sober for like 35 years already I am also smoke free for 9 years. It feels good.
    Ponder I do use mantra when I am stressed out cause it helps me to replace bad thoughts with good ones,
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  4. #24
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    Here is the truth about me. I don't take medication because it might seem I am strong. The fact is due to the pressures I have endured and continue to suffer regardless of fault or reason, I am about to turn 50 years old but feel like more like a crippled 75 year old waiting for his last breath. Not someone who has retired with all the bells and whistles or another who criticizes those beneath them whilst going about preaching to others the success of one's life.

    I am rather quite weak and feeble minded nearing my wits end. The post traumatic stress over the last 18 months and the amount of proving requires by the system is extremely disabling and oppressive. Especially when you consider the outcomes and expectations that society both sells and dictates. Fancy ideals that come at a high price ... out of the range of most with a clean up system that cares little for human life. These services that claim to care for the ill and disabled are really nothing more than part of that clean up system. I'm getting too tired to bother trying anymore as I now discovery this National Disability Scheme I thought was going to give hope, is now seemingly part and parcel of that draining system. The latter another story where I must let go, yet the system keeps pressuring affected individuals who wish to utilize supports, yet take them away and industrialize them. Such has been the latest welfare reforms with the use of the NDIS. It's been a long and slow process that's only just now fully taking on mental health. The implications are extremely draining via an illusive goal setting, more proving (12 weekly check ups/justifiablity) and employment mentality. Societal expectations and ideals set the agenda over individual needs. That being a double bind to the sales pitch and when one considers the constant updates and proving required combined with running this scam along employment agencies ... Like I said before ... I am back sitting beside my petrol can!

    I don't take medication because they too, like this system just end up making me fucking sick! My heightened sensitivities are not all bad - some are just natural and I don't do well when my body takes in foreign substances. The weakness that plagues me whilst can be attributed to PTS is secondary to that of the abuse this world dishes out whilst itself then only looks to justify by blaming those it saps. Labels, labels and more labels. Most in it are slave to said system where those who try to take a stand are too quickly drained. In this context it matters fuck all the reasons who is on meds and who is not. The end result is just as traumatic for all involved and for me it's all about the end result. In this we are all the same.
    ___________________________________

    So it is that I recoil when hearing others tell me how strong I am because I either do not take medication or am in the process of walking early in the mornings. The truth is I struggle everyday just to exist in this repressive world and reject all BS claims of those doing so well that we manifest the imperfections and resulting abuses/costs - that plague our supposed self induced world.

    I don't see my self as soldiering on ... Never Have. To me I detest such terms in my hyper arousal - yet my sensitivities I would never trade off to such a shallow world.

    Currently given the IRONY I am to endure through this seemingly ever BS NDIS program and all other deceptive schemes like them ... I am more crippled and oppressed than anything else. My reasons to remain medication free and get up in the mornings are anything but to do with strength but more to do with a will of no longer wishing to be so easily led. The latter a realization that is not so much about giving power to said broken system ... but more about giving it back to me from where it was taken from when I took my first breath in the gOd forsaken fucked up world.

    Those that need the help most are not getting it, whilst those who could thrive on less, lap it up. Such is the extent of our equality.
    _________________________________

    Righto ... on the note ... it's time for me to go help myself and a friend to stand on our own two feet and get back a little of that power that's been sapped like so.

    Thanks for being here D. I am overly sensitive ... but it to I also shall respect ... have to for my own sanity. More people could to with mindfully feeling their feelings. Meds impact me a huge amount with doing that ... yet another reason I don't take them and less to do with feeling strong. It was not just the adrenaline comment but also the strong comment. I'm kind of not doing well with jokes lately. I know you mean well and in fact a lot of good came from it with my typical in depth responses.

    Be Well.

    Adios until next post.

    Excuse grammar and readability ... running late ... Will edit later. (maybe just a quick one)
    Last edited by Ponder; 11-22-2018 at 05:33 PM.

  5. #25
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    Took over my lightweight mobile gym equipment and my friend and I had a good beginners session. I found it quite refreshing and my friend likewise enjoyed himself and somewhat surprised at the effective work out we had just completed. For me I find the motivation of having someone to both help and in turn them being there for me more effective than being with a service that is really not there for you, but simply doing a J-O-B. The latter the kind of support many of us do not need.

    I try not to think on that, but turn my attention to today's group ... one I created that meets at my place. We have been meeting on Friday mornings for some time now. A couple of my friends from the mental health place I no longer go to. Instead we help ourselves. Must be doing something right given the guys keep coming back. No outcomes ... No Goals, No fucking EXPECTATIONS or having to PROVE.

    Works wonders.

    Well ... other than that and some more learning of PC games ... I think that will be my day done. Help Lisa with a few things to keep the peace as well as give her a break. Family Court still looms!!! More assholes with wigs dictating with anything but the best interests of child in mind. Sighhhhhh - Authority ... who needs it.

    OH YEA --- STEAM AUTUMN SALE!!! is on. Better Sale than the last one too. I bought a couple of DLC for Railworks Train Simulator and was gifted Sniper 4 by another friend. Massive sale on the latter and not a bad game with the way I am feeling of late. I do much prefer my simulations games though.

    Cities: Skylines has been keeping me very busy and I have also started learning with the Train Simulator.

    Between all that and trying to do my daily living and with Lisa in mind + grandson and helping a friend ... I am doing all right.

    Not sure about this NDIS bullshit ... but that's pretty obvious ... don't ya think. lol

    Matters little ... I will make it work. Just blowing off steam.

  6. #26
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    you have NDIS bs I have some kind of f***** 15 hours training for diabetes, it is unbelievable, someone makes a good money on others suffering. They still use the system which is like 50 years old. eh
    I am sorry if I came to strong, it was not my intention. I am struggling now like hell, Can not go to sleep even if I sleep it is like 4 or 5 hours which is not enough for me, waking up in the middle of the night is not so nice.
    I do not know, I have a so many days on the road that I do not appreciate life. .....
    I survived the day soon I am going to bed, D. forgive me.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  7. #27
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    There is nothing to forgive D. You know I or we, are not into that sufferance / penance / shame and guilt bullshit. That is for the both the religious and secular brainwashed sectors of society. I am remaining transparent as I do with everyone. Seems we have a couple of threads going now. Your welcome to start your own, however I know it's not your thing. Just keep popping in here and use this space to rant, ramble and or encourage as you do. I hold no resentments ... real friendships overcome hurdles and grow all the more because of it.

    I hope you wake a little more rested than when you first went to bed.

  8. #28
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    yes I had sleep ok. oh ....... I am stressed out thinking about Saturday and Sunday, There will be no time to rest till Monday , We will be ok,
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  9. #29
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    Thinking of You This weekend D. Hats off for doing what you enjoy.

  10. #30
    I'm also thinking about you both.. I really was thinking about you!

    Thanks Dahila.. made it through it without any booze at all, funny to say that for the first time in ages.

    Thanks Ponder, yes power is strong within me and my willpower was strong that the temptation. At times, I felt lonely (and empty) and without family or friends, but music pulled me through.. had to find stations not playing the holiday songs though. TV was sort of...ugh...celebrating and all. Its ok so long as I don't fall into the trap and its no different than any other day(s), its all a business anyway and I realize that, good for the little ones I suppose. Okay.. I'm VERY thankful I'm a "free thinker"

    I hope you both have a nice weekend and find something to enjoy and put everything aside for a few days until Monday. That is what I'm gonna do (try to anyway)
    Last edited by salvator here; 11-23-2018 at 07:36 PM. Reason: typos

 

 

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