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  1. #111
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    Oh I just finished watching travelers, only 10 episodes in season 3. I like it, ..
    Sal I am very self conscious in gym too. I refuse to pay money to feel uncomfortable. There are muscle packed people who are showing off like hell , Or very loud bunch of woman who come there to gossip eh,
    I hate gym
    Ponder I hope it will pass soon, This is a thing about gym, I always pushed myself too much and ended with pulled muscles eh
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  2. #112
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    It's a hard take on all sides I guess. I mean It's good to see people happy with what they do, but then another when seeing the negative impact, or the true cost of what many cultural and self centered pursuits can have. In this respect, I've been bitten on many sides of the fence. I just like connecting with real people. I care less about the way you look Sal or how what age Dahila is. Gender is even less of an issue when meeting real people. You can be both at once and I'll still care less.



    SCI-FI 2018


    _________________

    As an avid Sci-Fi fan from way back ... I just can't help but feel the Sci-Fi genre has never been in so much disarray.


    Thanks for telling me about Counterpart D. I have SBS on demand via my smart tv. I singed up just so I can start watching Counterpart. TY.

    I apologize for my earlier dissing on the spaceship horror series you linked. I am fully bias given the butchering done to Star Trek. If not for that, I may very well be open to seeing what you see. I admit my walls are up.
    ________________________________


    Regarding my Neck ... eeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I really messed it up. I am sure it's been stress build up over time + my bad habits. The massage really helped, but I still can't move my head to the left very much and find eating a little hard. I decided to make appointment with GP. This is exactly the kind of pain it takes for me to allow myself to be checked out. The lump in the back of my neck is now freaking me out. I am not one for health anxiety ... but now hope that is all it is. The lump feels like a large pussy cyst deep within my skin. If I knew I could I would ask Lisa to syringe it. Instead ... I go to doctor. I think its been with me for some time - I often wake up with bung shoulders ... but lately the back neck area has been problematic.

    It's been suggested that I gear my weight workouts towards long ranged movements and steer away from the shorter pumping activities associated with body building. I agree and say good riddance. That said, core movements may require short rang activity countered with long stretches. I will have to have another chat with the PT before embarking on whatever routine.

    Hopefully I can turn my head without too much pain tomorrow and be able to sleep.

    For now I go watch some of the garbage on Netflix. I'll save Counterpart for when my other half gets home.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    "...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/

  3. #113
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    A Pain In The Neck!!!

    Wow, what a trip that was. I woke up in excruciating pain barely able to get out of bed. I somehow managed but that time without an anxiety attack. I made my way to the toiled to relieve myself like I do most times I wake up during the night. Getting back into bed was almost as painful as when I awoke. I was once gain in executioner pain no sooner than I was able to lay flat on my back. Feeling dizzy I knew this would not do. I attempted to get back out of bed but was now feeling paralyzed across the back of my shoulder and up neck with nausea quickly welling up. I was uncertain if it was the pain or the anxiety attack spurred on as I contemplated the impact this might have on my breathing if I was able to go back to sleep.

    Laying there like that getting dizzier by the second and now fully in a state of pain and anxiety, I was banging on the wall plus yelling to no avail. My wife was in another under the influence of her meds. I figure it must of been the flailing up against the wall that somehow I got enough blood flow into my neck were I was finally able to flip on my side, then up push myself up and slide out of bed. I got to my feet and staggered into the hallway, burst into my wife's room looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She's like "WTF!"

    I'm like "What fucking drugs are you on, did you not hear me??? I've been yelling out and banging on the wall!" Regrettably I did not have the hindsight nor composure I do now. I later thanked my poor wife for getting up and then later talking me out of going to the hospital. I did query whether that decision was based more on the fact of how sleepy she felt Vs my need. As always my wife was correct in her detailed response regarding the fact that I was still breathing and moving. We talked about the dismissive way the hospital treats humans + my predisposition in dealing with such things; this being more my take of course. Fact is, I already had a doctors appointment booked for this afternoon. A long way off. I talked my wife into coming along to that. I'm going to need drugs!!! What's a bet that when the time finally comes that when I start requesting the use of drugs, the doctor will then resists, instead telling me to take a headache pill.

    SIGH ... I can at least move my neck slightly, sit here and type this. I guess that is something. I think I make a cup of tea. The only thing we had I could take was phenergan. It's better than nothing.

    Yep sir re, in times like these I will take the drugs.

    Man ... I am in so much fucking pain!!! That knot feels more like a fluid sack that's seemingly larger than the last time I felt it. My anxiety condition is not helping. I fear going back to sleep so will just sit in the oversize recliner that's not ergonomically designed for a guy like me. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    "...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/

  4. #114
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    oh I am sorry to hear what happened, I hope the doc will help you. It seems like the one I am getting that can not lift my head, In my situation it is inflammation on the trapezius, eh. you must be in awful pain cause you never complain , Did you try to put some ice cubes no eyes on the spot? The lump in neck maybe just nodes, I hope you are better and will post some update

    I think my hating of gym maybe connected to mine social anxiety
    Last edited by Dahila; 12-18-2018 at 05:51 AM.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  5. #115
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    Thank you for that posting, was nice to read something like that for a change, people are very judgmental where I reside sad to say which is another reason I keep to myself. I don't allow people to know much about me, I stay well guarded. I'm just very ordinary person anyway, dress very ordinary and I'm not a loud personality (not anymore anyway). I'm the same, its the heart that counts not the exterior.

    I hope you feel better and it will pass.

  6. #116
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    I agree Dahila, I think it could be connected to social anxiety. I have forgotten how to act around people it seems. I've been told I have a flat affect.

  7. #117
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    Sal I have to fight everytime with myself when other people involved. I am preparing Xmas Eve supper and dreading the reunion. I have a difficulties to take more than one person at the time.eh.....
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  8. #118
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    Another Cancer Scare

    Pain In The Neck Update: has now been upgraded to A LUMP IN THE NECK I'm still in a lot of pain, but feeling a little better. I can move my neck some more but still limited in a few places. I went to see the GP who then sent me for an ultra sound. The young girl doing the ultrasound went to get her superior. I was then informed he would be recommending the GP refer me on for an MRI. Long story short, "don't worry, if its cancer I am sure it wont be the serious kind." Something to that effect. Not sure how I feel about that. It's one of those episodes you just have to wait. Such a vague prognosis of cancer challenges my commiseration with you D, regarding our discussions where we talk about counting the days till one's end. Other than my grandson coming to mind, I fear less the notion of dying compared to that of the pain. I was prescribed panadeine forte / codeine for the pain. I challenged the doctor on that because I wanted something consider to be a muscle relaxant. Lisa was not happy about me challenging the doctor as this particular doctor is also my my wife's doctor. In the end the panadeine forte was good enough. I'm not a good patient at the best of times, let alone when I am in pain and feeling nauseous.

    I struggle to understand my doctor as although she speaks English, her Indian accent is very strong and she also speaks extremely fast. Not good for my anxiety and hearing problems. Unfortunately the medical clinic I go to has no English accented individuals. I would seek out a doctor that is easier to understand, however easily understood doctors with an English accent, all seem to be relegated as private only doctors. Go figure. It would be nice to actually understand what the doctor is saying. Perhaps I should just get them to text me like we do in FB D. I know you always keep saying how thick your accent is. That said, I bet your easier to understand compared to a heavy accented Indian speaking faster than escape velocity. God bless the poor dears soul. Meh. lol

    It's just not the Indian doctor that I don't understand ... all of the people I crossed paths with yesterday treated me like a number (including the ones I actually understood), all of them talking at break neck speeds. If not for my grandson, "Fuck the pain ... beam me up scotty!!!"

    Like I said ... I'm not a 'good' patient. (what the fuck is a 'good' patient anyways?)


    Update completed ... moving on:

    ______________________________________________

    SOCIAL PHOBIA: My Take is all.
    Hi guys, appreciate the topic of social phobia. It is listed as one of many labels.

    1st I attempt a walk. Feeling a little stiff and groggy.
    Back later.
    Last edited by Ponder; 12-18-2018 at 01:47 PM.
    "...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/

  9. #119
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    Hi D, do not worry, do you remember when the my mammograms were screwed up> It took so long and I have to go for a test once a year , to keep an eye on it. It maybe a cyst, for us is difficult not to worry, worry is our middle name,
    I am scared of pain too,
    My doc is young (I think 35 years) Canadian doctor, his accent is canadian no problem to understand him if he remembers to slow down. I constantly asking to slow down, my hearing aids can catch the sound when someone is looking at me and he does, so I also help myself with lip reading, I had not idea I can read the lips. You probably can too. Our body justifying to hearing loss give us something.
    Is it long time till MRI? Is that lump hard? Just remember when you have onset of sharp pain it is usually not cancer. Cancer tend to come slowly with pain. Thank you for the update on it,
    i am not good patient either , before I fill script I always check the meds sites for info .....
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  10. #120
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    Yes I remember. Thanks for the extra information. Is hard to keep optimistic when in a lot of pain.

    Thanks for the boost
    "...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/

 

 

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