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  1. #1
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    Philosophical Musings + Diary of 'My' Experience

    PhilosophicalIntro:

    I thought If I leave that my life would somehow improve. Well, no change there. (chuckles - actaully it did - hopping it stays that way) The same old string pullers and sheepish puppets seem to be everywhere. If I have come to seeanything clearly since trying to escape, it's that my frustration comes from my own resistance/s. This plays into the esoteric concept of reflection with the solution to that in the shedding of belief systems. The irony for me is that most negatively impacted always think it's someone else or some other group. The world continues to sleep ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.

    Yes, I am returning as abstruse as ever. Don't ya just love it. : ) Much will be repeated, but always in a different way with new meaning. Such is how evolution works in a back waters world. But before I take stock in that … time for an breakdown on my most recent experiences.


    Recent Experiences:


    I'm not one for events. Writing from that perspective seems to be overly opinionated (rife with bitterness), yet writing from one's own experience yields more of my true self as oppossed to what others would have me think. The episodic nature of my existence as its been has led my last bout of climbing out of - yet another hole; a rather physically enduring experience. Whats New! (Chuckles again) My neck pain has returned with crackling similar to my loudest shoulder. Whilst sometimes after being in the sun I feel good cracking from side side, I have to be very careful as if I crack to far to my left, I fear I will literally break my neck! Locking it up is the most painful experience I have yet had. The long and short of that experience is how that has led me in a new transition when entering into the ups and downs of my ever continual cycles.

    WORKING? You know how much I hate that term. Such a toxic ideal when used in terms of this world's most valued commodity. $$$ In terms of this worlds least valued commodity (Humans), I am still doing what I like to do. We have given away 5 computers now. I am back into computer refurbishing.

    https://www.facebook.com/goodwillcomputersherveybay


    I still like my hobbies. That is good. I share more in here re my latest PC builds another time. A companion FB page I made to complement the Goodwill Computers Page. It's a place where in the end I was able toget another 2 individuals to join me in MineCraft. Fun fun fun - in new worlds not like this one

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/computerchitchat/

    PC GAMES– Yea, I have since added to the collection with a couple of new ones. Nothing too big. Some gifted, some not.

    FOOD –pleased to say I am back eating clean. I'm also just being and not doing when it comes to that. This being part of that transition Ireferred to earlier regarding how much pain I am now experiencing.

    THERAPY – No longer seeing a clinical psychologist and have yet another completed diagnosis from a Psychiatrist. I am done after 8 years of full time psychotherapy. I went every 6 weeks all those years with a couple of months of here and there. It's another storythat is probably worth sharing. The Psychiatric intervention whilst providing reports like a means to an end is also something I hope to end, well at least for as many years as this (correction 'MY') world will allow. The constant proving of one's worth in that realm is as toxic and plays into the world's current climate. BUT that all said, I am now receiving a new form of therapy. Instead of clinical – it's what many refer to asholistic. You know – the stuff only rich people get. (Back to chuckling)

    Of course it's being billed as clinical. The last thing our society would want, is to be receiving help that actuallyheals. My God – imagine that! Actually getting better would would be no good for our world's thriving industries. Society would collapse. We can't be having that. We must all cling to our labels; we must stay sick! For most – it is preferred, as to get well means letting go of all that suffering. Were would we be without that? I know –it's a lonely road; I can tell you that. (Smiles) Giving up suffering is like giving up drugs. The latter you don't have to behomeless, Xcon and all that. Of course if you instantly associated such terms with the word drug, then I would conclude that means your as deeply hooked into this world's decpetion.

    Off to work we go – high ho, high ho - off to the voting box we go –high ho, high ho and on and on As if one's contribution in these areas means one is oh so important, so special. People could not be more deluded,yet that delusion works so well. The ultimate deception of string theory where the puppet actually thinks it's real. Waking up bites! It offers real freedom with the potential for less suffering. No need to worry about whose in power when you find out just how much more one really has. Matters not who is in office or what laws they make when you give such deception no attention – those things no longer exist. POOF – you create you own worlds. Thus is the meaning to how we create our own pain – our own opinions … like all our bitching. Social Media loves that shit like we love ourselves.

    6Kg down and skin all repaired – steady as I go. I'm purging again – to be sure – to be sure. In my new world - I fit not into that most people toil. To whine, to nowwhine – that is the question. The way in which I hold my thoughts is what makes me me. I'm holding up good enough for now, with now being where it is. So much conflict with those who cross my path which no doubt comes from my own reflection … but in this I confront what I must and let others go as - they must, whilst being true to what is me? - so that when others continue to whine I may nolonger sap it up. This world still sucks and I am yet to see this version of “Oh how great it is to be human.” *&^% No – I doubt I will ever subscribe to such a notion – yet I am still wary of what I choose to believe. Belief itself something I find as limiting, yet has the potential for freedom no matter how other sperceive. Being self deluded in a deluded world means believing in one's self, Vs being controlled/asleep.

    Now to go outside and practice working on my reflection – with some work, I can makeothers disappear. Laughs Out Loud. Whatever works right? But only I can know from my perspective. I do not subscribe to this notion that even if we are all one, that there is this inherent need that we must all be sniffing each others bums. Laughs again. Far from it. I see no purpose and am find with that - OR – that our purpose is to have no purpose. I do what I do because I want to and it makes mefeel good. (even if that is to suffer) That is all there is.

    I know what it is like to have no desire – desire is like fire – but yet a perquisite to existing. Lack of it means to be dead (which in this world can be an attactive thought - yet in that moment desire can come where one is able to now be as opposed to not) I will pay that word desire as much. In clinical terms it is the essence of recovery yet that latter sign post onethat's forever twisted. Who is broken? Was I ever really broken? Am I in need offixing? … and on and on. I'm done with all the psycho babble –mental masturbation – analytical thinking. I leave the logic to my gaming and even then I would much rather adopt a more intuitive approach.

    KISS– Keep it simple stupid – Get Up – Go outside and great the Sun. It will not bitch and whine about the latest TV and BS Social Media Reports – It simply does not give two fucks. Now that's afriend worth knowing.
    Disclaimer - I don't know shit, but I am switched on and care less if I don't fit!

    Adios until next post.
    Last edited by Ponder; 11-03-2019 at 03:41 PM. Reason: Because whilst I dislike what humans have become - I care enough so that others suffer less.
    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  2. #2
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    If you don't like living in the past or beleive it's made you who you are today and depressed over that - then try the following concept to let go, find out who you really are and move on:

    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  3. #3
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    Cut & Paste. I like this write up and will extend on it more as a frame work for my own letting go:
    _________________________________________________

    Another perspective, is that an ideal world would drop the concept of money so that the need for a job would no longer exist. Then one would have all the time to do as they wish. There would be no need to foster purpose, positivity and motivation as the need to thrive would be completely unnecessary. Once it's realized that we can have all we want without believing in ideals designed to limit us, then greed would also no longer exist.

    We are what we say we are. We all choose the paths we take.
    But it's much easier to believe there is a larger system that has our best interest in hand. Which is why most people subscribe to working, thriving and endlessly searching for possy wossy feelings. It's how we are kept reliant. But we don't live in an 'ideal' (a deceitful term itself) world. Instead we live in one that creates ideals with the 'soul purpose' to keep us all in a perpetual state of fear always feeling needy and dependent on others. This keeps us vulnerable to deceptive ideals/individuals and events that seemingly exude positive vibes, compassion and love with the promise to give all that one desires.

    So whilst completely deluded and having no idea we are in a prison without bars, we instead think we are players who have meaning either going off to work wishing we had more. Worse is to beleive because you don't have a job that you don't deserve to exist, whilst those that have see themselves above others that they themselves consider to be less. Such has always been and is our indoctrination that we refer to as ideals.

    Before you can dream, muster and or create a so called 'ideal' world/existence, I propose that we would do far better to identify how it is that current ideals keep us from thinking and feeling for ourselves. How ideals are designed to keep us trapped. Focus more on how it is that deception works like a wolf in sheeps clothing. Keep the masses feeling inferior, fearful, shameful and all that. Make them like a mass of dazed individuals racing for the bright light also know as a bug trap. ZAP!!! That light is the wolf in sheeps clothing. To extend it further I would not call it Satan or some other wizz bang culturally accepted version. It's more or less and extension of someone who the victims voted in - agreed to.

    Agreements. You see it's very important that we all agree to be the people whom we see ourselves to be. This is how traps are made and sold off as ideals. There is nothing more convincing than an agreement mixed in with a herd mentality. It's in the way we are set up psychologically (fear based) - the way in which we are influenced with personalized stories that leave us racing to that light of agreement. Yes I am not worthy, Yes I can do better, Yes I need you, Yes I will bow down and play this game.

    No this explanation is not derived from a conspiracy as too, like the word ideal, the term conspiracy is used to demonize the truth. What's important is to understand how it is that 'We are what we say we are. We all choose the paths we take.'Once you fathom the importance of that and how it relates to controlling the collective, THEN - there are options to use the same brainwashing techniques to let go of all that BS and instead, make the most out of nothing.

    NOTHING! - This is what meditation can help us achieve. Gives us the head space to see things as they really are as well as the fortitude to fall away and embrace the void so often used to keep us in a state of fear. Meditation when enacted upon without making it an act or trying to achieve is the very opposite of all that we have been taught. This is probably why most of us fail so miserable when entering into such a practice as it's been marketed today.

    Unfortunately I think very few people will understand what I am trying to say as so epic is this worlds dysfunction. But that's OK - I know what I mean. See it like so (fathoming) is the only way I can make less painful choices the give me some kind of solace that then help me create what I term as moments of peace. I have many many certified labels that require renewing from time to time. However, I do my best not to identify with those complicated diagnoses. Instead I do better to fathom just how much power I still have left and how much it needs not anything that this world and it's society has to offer.

    There is nothing wrong with US - there never was. It's just easier to keep us believing in such things.
    'We are what we say we are. We all choose the paths we take.' I have always struggles with choice and said so many times in here. Perhaps better said for those of us that have been molested, raped, beaten, tortured, that whilst such evil can massively impact us and effect us for a lifetime to come, that ultimately in the end we still choose what we are to become. That in itself should be enough to move on, but the addiction to victim-hood is played upon with our glorified ideals - thus keeping many of us in that state of fear. It's a merry go round from there. The possy wossy's on one side pushing it to the victims who in turn then push it back to the idealists who are both. It keeps spinning round and round until the day ones finally had enough. Sadly for some, they will never get off. Thus hell on Earth.

    I won't even it like that though. They say there is hope. You get to come back. heheheheheheeeee

    Just meditate and go to the void!

    Good Luck.
    __________________________________________________ ____

    That being this mornings meditation. The void is looking good!
    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  4. #4
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    Here ya go ... something different and straight to the point:

    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  5. #5
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    I guess if your wrapped in yourself and your world's pitiful affairs, you will of course resist what was on offer above. I love Roxanne's style! Am now happy to spell out the stigma that plays my world and have little time for the BS in others. I have not even begun to watch enough Youtube yet. Let the search engine roll!

    Have a nice day folks.
    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  6. #6
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    Doesn't matter who you vote for as it all amounts to the same thing. So stop worrying because nothing you do at the ballet box is going to change a thing. When it comes to egocentric ideals, you and your counterparts are simply not as important as you think:

    https://youtu.be/rapVOIeQzuQ?t=131

    "


    Last edited by Ponder; 11-06-2019 at 08:54 PM.
    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  7. #7
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    Up at 4:30 am this morning and feeling ready for whatever the day brings. Today I know what day it is. I should really go greet the sun but it's still not an easy process as I am still sensitive to the hustle and bustle, even so early in the morning. The walkways are so close to the road and despite claims of better fuel emissions; they still stink. Alas, I put on my noise active earphones which do a pretty good job. Thanks to NDIS! I guess I can consider that a good compromise. I chuckle at that thought pondering on how the system filters out the byproduct in order to make their toxic system work. Sigh - I had a very close family member attempt suicide the other other day. Not sure I have time to write about that. That I leave for another day. I guess I could touch on how I am trying to get through life while others so close to me want to end theirs. I totally get where they are coming from. Thankfully their attempt, although ended up in a hospital stay, was more a cry for help than anything else. The crying for help is such a painful experience when in the end you come to see that the only one in this world that can help is oneself. Of course when in such a painful state, that's not so easy to see. I had to put the breaks on and remind myself that with my brother already gone and now the possibility with losing a child, that the only way I could go on was to accept the only person I can affect is myself. The term influence is full of so much BS.

    Everyone thinks they can affect the person next to them and whilst there is something to how energy spreads, thinking that I can control others in a world so designed as ours ... is truly flogging a dead horse. When it comes to our own family you could not get anymore manipulative. That is to say taking on all the negative aspects as projected from our society and then using them to influence those closest to us. It always makes me remember how I had my kids sitting at the table all holding hands and praying before we ate. Like standing around a statue glorifying the sacrifice of some poor sucker in any of the previous world wars. Take your pick. Standing on parade as a little one with the headmaster giving his nod for the national anthem to be played. Laughs Out Loud at the total BS of those words. God help anyone that stands out of line. Absolute total bullshit! ... and it still is very much the same with how the masses walk around to the tune of their phones notifications. The world is full of so many fucking idiots.

    Sigh ... that last part a good call to leave mine home as I head out the door to go and discuss the rest with the sun.

    Still eating clean. As much as I too want out - I don't like the pain so doing what I can to alleviate my own. Today I have a session of energy healing followed up by my last physicist appointment; supposedly I get the comprehensive diagnosis. That will be it as far as the clinical side of things go for at lease a few years. Until society wants me to affirm I am still sick. That comes down to how powerful agreements are and how closely aligned this world's control mechanisms are to that of all those outer-world experiences. Let's just call them conspiracies to keep the sleepers reading on from becoming unsettled.
    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

  8. #8
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    I hear you D. just letting you know that I am listening.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  9. #9
    Same here Ponder, I've been reading everything, I like what you said concerning meditation - "Gives us the head space to see things as they really are as well as the fortitude to fall away and embrace the void". I need to remember to embrace that blank space and appreciate the silence.

    Even though I don't post as much lately due to my own struggles I've been dealing, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

    Take care and I'm glad you're back.
    Last edited by salvator here; 11-07-2019 at 11:58 PM.

  10. #10
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    Thank you. That's very kind of you both.

    Whilst I have not returned to actually sitting and making a dedicated time for the mediarise social and digitally marketed perception of meditation, I have been obtaining head space with my walking when not buzzed out with all the traffic and negative energies of others.

    Think I will go for my morning walk now.

    Thx again.
    http://mymeds.atwebpages.com/

 

 

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