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  1. #401
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    I just read up on COPD. Do you have the bronchitis kind or the Emphysema kind? That is if I have googled correctly? Whatever the case I certainly wish you the best course of action that can be head as well as pain free breathing. Glad to hear the steroid cream wont kill me. Srry to hear about the 13% price hike on something so critical. Lisa's 'seven pills' (yearly course of no more than 7-9 pills) for her condition of Multiple Sclerosis cost the local chemist $50000:00 (Fifty Thousand Dollars!!!) That's right, 50 grands for 7-9 pills. Thankfully she is able to get a rebate. I don't beleive any kind of reason can be given to justify those kinds of prices. Sadly those in the profession or those with family in it, do try. It's the same with healthy food. Anything that is good for you is charged at a much higher price. Anything that can save your life ... well ... you already told that story.

    What's on for today. I might go take some photos - try and find something to do that I enjoy. It might even be time to jump back into the digital world, however I have done so well getting out into the real one of late. That said, other than getting some sun light and what's left of fresh air, I am really not seeing anything of worth ... to stay afloat. Hmmmm - I might do a bit of both ... digital world for fun, basic real world exposure for basic health.

    Thanks for your reply D. Is good to hear form you again.

  2. #402
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    Emphysema type, it is not reversible and it means that my lungs are not working the way they should. They are damaged but i am sure I will live with it to the end of my life.
    The prices on medication are ridicules, especially life saving meds. We know that the rich one are feeding on vulnerable people and suffering
    I am binge watching Lucifer the 4 season, I have left 6 episodes and I am going to bed now till next time
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  3. #403
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    I read something about scarring on the lungs with that one too. You seem to of been through it all D - [Sending you a Respectful Hug] I share some pics I took today. Just random shots whilst out walking with Lisa. Lisa has been in a lot of pain herself these last few days. I'm calling this one 'Time Out.' More the positive kind were we make the effort to actually get up and get outside. Lisa also struggle with getting out. Where mine is more mental, Lisa's is mostly psychical. That said, depression and procrastination run deep in permanent and long term debilitating conditions. Despite the pain, I feel there was a sense of peace present whilst down at the waters edge. To be sure tensions grew once we ventured back towards home. I think we just make more effort to keep going out and foster the residual that is to be had:




    Just a random shot of the only subject I could see on the water ... way out of range for my 200mm lens. I had to use digital zoom ... but still ... it's an image to be shared. I only wish I could own such a boat. I just look at the pic an imagine it so. I'll perhaps settle for an inflatable rubber ducky soon enough. I would be mad enough to do so and if I ever do ... I'll be sure to share that as well. : )




    This next one would be my pic of the bunch. It was a telephoto shot taken from my hip. I saw them looking my way, so I shot this one just after reviewing the boat. I know the tree well as it's one I have photographed Osprey Eagles in. I admit I erased a few branches and as you can tell, I also put on a paint filter. I do much prefer to filter out some of my more 'connected human photos' ... I find removing the individual/identity in such photos gives them more meaning for me. Lisa often has a hard time with why I do that ... and whilst for telephoto poor quality shots it's a good way to save face (so to speak - in reference to pixel snobs) I really am more about the subject matter. I have tried before to do art - and if I ever go back to it ... this kind of photography of people and using filters is a great way to come up with ideas. In the mean time ... I think I might return to capturing like images. I think more about that. It takes confidence and also ... hmmm ... the right attitude to pull off photographing people like so. I don't like to get up close like street photographers, but I do enjoy imaging people like in the same manner as wild life photographers. I suspect you have heard this spiel before. : )






    This last one ... well I am not sure what to call it actually. We were driving up the road. I was in the passenger side with camera in hand ... just clicking away to see what might pop out in front of me. Bingo!!!
    I think I will respectfully call it 'Tiptoe through the tulips' - Or plainly 'Tiptoe Across The Road!'



    I do so hope the last one brought about some comic relief. Lisa would not let me post that on my fb wall, as she ribbed me for laughing so hard whilst I was editing it. It's a blurry photo, but I could not help but include it. I mean like I do much prefer the family walking at low tide soaking up the fresh air, compared to this family all sucking on cigarettes and unsure about their next step. I best log off before I fall out of this chair. I mean not to sound so bigoted. Hell I use to live like these people myself many years ago ... it's why I can't stop laughing when I look at it. Humans ...

    I mean like I can't talk ... I have psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. It's been like six months the last time I seen him. He is like the only one in the town that is government subbed. I hope we are near the end of this ongoing diagnoses. I wonder what his take is going to be. : ) I no longer know ... too many sub labels for me. That's the reason my therapist suggested going to see him. I fear the increased periods between visits has somehow muddled his ability to diagnose. I am a little frustrated with that ... but no sense getting riled. I can always toss his opinion to the side if it does not gell with me. My therapist whom I trust has a pretty good take on me. I am yet to meet a drug pusher that has ever been able to peg me. We shall see.

    Hope some of the pics resonated. Understand if I am the only one that laughed at the last one. All good.

    Night night ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-09-2019 at 03:03 AM.

  4. #404
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    For me, this was a 'surprisingly' excellent watch. (I struggle with the motivational prompting of such presenters. Reminds too much of evangelism ... the human race would do well to change that tact too) None the less, for me this discussion/presentation does a good job at putting to rest mainstream dogma in the classroom. This is why people need to unlearn and start educating themselves once they come out of school:



    I think I can now sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-09-2019 at 05:05 AM.

  5. #405
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    Journal Entry 10/05/2019: Pros & Cons of Above Presentation. Connectivity Vs Brainwashing! Herein lays the danger of a coordinated mass opening of minds. More so the lack of acknowledgment to the cons given within the example (conspiracy) in the closing of Gregg Braden - Deep Truth: Igniting the Memory of Our Origin, History, Destiny & Fate. I whole hardheartedly agree that the example of 9/11, is a good one when it comes to highlighting the sense of world wide 'emotional impact' of one sort or another. However failure to mention in the slightest the speculation,suspicion,skepticism regarding the deception that was rife within that 9/11 'crisis' should set of alarm bells with the evangelistic style of presentation been given here. Especially when it comes to the opening up of minds.

    I get the benefit to be had with mass mind melding, (whenever 3 are gathered in my name type of thing/same thing) however if intention is the catalyst for the end result, then I feel acknowledgement must be given to the dangers of such modalities being encouraged and taught here. Despite dozing off whilst listening to the closing phase of this presentation, it was exactly that lack of acknowledgement and the example with 9/11 given that raised alarm bells for me. I came out of my slumber knowing that something was off at the end of this lecture. This morning I ponder on just how twisted and complex the journey is of these so called new discoveries, exposures, concepts and theories really are and still remain skeptical and indeed open minded towards all of the current pro and con/conspiracies. Best I can say for now, something was off with the closing phase of this presentation for me. That is what my heart is telling me. Bad example, yet it kind of revealed something I am not sensing right within the Gaia Movement. This mass opening of minds for all the proposed intent ... is off when you consider the style of delivery and again ... failure to acknowledge world deception. (...only when it suits) But of course ... in that light of the mass opening of minds, deception would be the last thing to speak about as any form of doubt would derail the attempt to open up. Like I said ... it's complex stuff. Kind of like, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    For now, my heart brain connection is still like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and so on. Something was off with the ending of that presentation. Bell continues to ring.

    PS - On another note, I also agree with other comments that there is also a sense of discomfort and sordid feeling re the camera footage during presentation did not allow us to see the slide show presentation. Such antics just continues to play into the warning bells. How money and books play into the selling of these concepts where that is more important than any message given. Gaia TV is rife with such club mentality regardless of its conflicting documentaries and dare I say, rivalries. Yet I still watch. Is just a pot for people to create their own worlds. Just be careful how you open your own pot.
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-09-2019 at 02:47 PM.

  6. #406
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    I Was Prescribed DIAZEPAM aka Valium

    Journal Entry 10/05/2019: 24 hours deep into researching a New Game. I did say I was looking for a new digital reality to escape into. My timing could not be better. It just so happened my World of Tanks Buddy was also itching to find a new game. He found one and since leaving me with a few vids to check it out, I've been lost in sporadic research for two days. Only just coming up for air now but can see I best be getting to bed. Thankfully I have still been getting up in the mornings with tonight being a late one. To be fair, one morning off will not kill me. I have earned a good rest and recovery.

    OK ... just quickly. The psychiatrist was itching to give me some medication. I was rather erratic and now betting Adult ADHD will be sown into his long list of defects. lol - I mean Diagnosis. I wanted to give him some hope in treating me so gave in after some objections by saying "You got anything that does not make me fat?" - We ended up going for the DIAZEPAM aka Valium. I did not mind so much because it's just something I can use when having a hard time dealing with stuff. I have to admit I have been struggling of late. Whilst I still have endome left for the previous episode of actually medical conditions and their related pain ... I guess it's good to have something on hand that's actually been prescribed for panic attacks. So it's come to this hey. Crazy Dave finally giving in to the meds.

    The shrink (excuse my cynicism as I will admit he is trying as he only knows how) from Lisa's point of view would not be giving them to me if he did not trust me. (as in apparently this particular doc is not heavily into meds) He knows I am not big on them at any rate. More a case of him seeing me in a bit of a state I think and gauging me from what he knows of me. Whilst I did want to appease him with playing into his own apparent wish to prescribe ... I am content to have them on hand as I am just over trying to cope in society doing it the hard core way. That said, after taking only HALF a 5 mg tablet, I could not beleive how after 20 minutes I was feeling 'almost' on the nod. Super Sensitive Dave!!! I typcally suffer all the side affects as well. This doc was surprised when I told him how seroquel/quetiapine affected me in the long run, but I really don't think he is as much in the know if he can't admit it's not for everyone. I listed several other drugs to let him know I had experience with what I was talking about. That's how we ended up settling for Diazepam as better than nothing. In that I will give him credit for trying to do his job.

    Without a doubt I could make half a tab seem like nothing if I abuse it ... "Pffft that does nothing!" Spoken like a true addict or someone that's become too reliant. "Oh but I take 800mg!!!" (if your taking 800mg - No Offense ... this is just my story! Mores the power to you if you wish to keep taking 800mg I can respect and understand that.) But for now ... like I say ... FUCK IT ... I will take when my mind is either in runaway train mode and or raging with intrusive thoughts, but not going to allow myself to become reliant. There is 50 Tablets in the bottle and I see half a once working well for day time use on those occasions I want to tackle something new or just don't want others to support me. I am yet to do a solo bus trip - so might experiment using half a pill to see if in fact it does lower my anxiety. The trick is to use it a few times where I then get used to the actual act (public transport or just dealing with public stuff [where people just treat everyone the same with no regard for an individuals limitation) that freaks me out (too much info to remember and so on - still don't know my own phone number ... it's not just all about acting out. I have legit traits that make it hard as well - BUT - the anxiety does make it a lot worse. Last thing I want is to become reliant though. I will post on how I go with self medicating with balance in mind.

    It takes me a bit to clear the fog and keep up with my exercise (when taking meds which is why I try to avoid them at all cost) to which although I have once sore starting out muscles ... I am on a pretty good wicket with my recent psychical efforts and not going to let the be wasted by stopping or allowing my progress to be fragmented via 'too much' medication use. Oh Yea ... HUNGER when taking those pills is also something that is hard. I fucking ate like a horse a few hours after taking half a one of those. I'll be watching that for sure. Will just have to keep drinking water and time my meals combined with stressful activities/plans/goals re the use of medication/self pacification. I say self in the context of acceptance. I see how I go. I need to get a grip as if I do this right ... my wife can get a sigh of relief. Bless her soul ... she has done so well putting up with me. I would say I her as well, but lord help me for even thinking it. hehehe

    Hmmmmm ... what else ... I try and get some sleep. NO ... not using the pills. LOL. I want to wake up as fresh as I am able, stretch and go for a walk. Although not intending to wake up before the sun (as I have been doing) I will hopefully catch some morning rays and have enough freedom to later mow my yard.

    Adios until next post. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-12-2019 at 06:49 AM.

  7. #407
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    for you Dave it is a good option, When you overwhelmed and start to suffer with high heart beat, difficulties breathing, or dealing with always present drama in your life, (you know what I am talking about) it helps you. I also believe that you will take it only in situation that you need to focus on problem, You know I am on 0.5 mg of clonazepam for the last probably 6 or 7 years never went up with dose, When i have extra stressful day I need to take it twice in the morning and 12 hours after that. Situation like that happens not often, not more often than once in a month
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  8. #408
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    I understand a lot more now than I did before. Thanks for saying like so. I needed to hear that.

    Side note* Forum loading up slow again?
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-14-2019 at 12:13 AM.

  9. #409
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    Forum loads ok for me, you know that I do not complain on lack of common sense, must be the age thing, Jeez funny, I had braked the nail and can not even type, we are creatures of habit
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  10. #410
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    Yea, is working on my other devices. Browser issue my end. Don't worry it will grow back.

 

 

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