yep this is why we had the paper who decides about others health , I would believe that they would give me info about him and vice versa they call this living will.
ok I am good I am changing
Breath in the pink light, breath out the bullshit and fuck it
''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
''
― Rabindranath Tagore
lol D re Pink Light. My Bad. Srry. Yes, Lisa is Authorized to get info on me, but I mean the day you can't even find out if a loved one is in hospital without the need for such BS red tape is pretty fucked. The reason Facebook is the way it is, IS because of all the fear people are taught to believe. Even happens in places similar to these where we all pretend to be something else or talk in riddles because we are afraid someone will take the information and destroy our lives. Not saying we should advertise everything we do, (although there are those of us that have nothing to hide) but the fear itself is what feeds the cyber bullying and the like.
Anyways ... Lisa is getting a call later about my MRI date. They might call me, but like you say ... I have Lisa list as an authorized person. The surgeon is prepared to wave his own fee (bulk bill) but I pay for anesthetist and hospital stay. Not sure of cost just yet as surgeon needs to see results. If he can and depending on time in the public system I might wait, however given the continued pain and the resulting pain in the ass I am quickly becomming ... all things considered ... my mum may be able to assist with ending this drama sooner than later. See what happens ... unless it is a ridiculous price. Then I am fucked.
In the mean time I was able to score some endone. 20 tablets to use very wisely over the next couple of weeks. MRI should be done by then. The Surgeon is away so no appointment until 4th Feb. Like I say ... I will play it safe with the meds and skip the nights I feel more able to suffer without ... kind of thing.
I have accounted for the missing family member now ... all is good as can be.
Not a bad day.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Oh my ... my life is now destroyed. I shared too much. My oh my ... what to do. Pfffft, meh ... and eh.
Last edited by Ponder; 01-13-2019 at 10:30 PM.
"...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/
Breath in the purple light, breath out the black bullshit and fuck it
''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
''
― Rabindranath Tagore
Skipped the endone last night and woke up at around 2:20am. Went to bed around 7:00pm. Now UP on this thing @ 3:45am ... I smirk to think what condition I will be in as I flounder about, attempting to jog from one side of the hockey oval to the other @ 7:00am.
I am not in serious pain. In fact pain wise, whilst someone else might cringe experiencing the level I am @ ... I am enjoying the absence of what's missing for now. I made the right decision not using the endone last night despite waking so early this morning. I have 19 tabs left for when things get real bad. Let's hope I can play my cards right with the rest of the medicine. I also need to play my cards right on so many other levles.
Unfortunately there is yet another family crisis going on to which, whilst I have no secrets, nothing good will come in sharing the details surrounding that. At least not at this stage. It's pretty much the same for most byproduct families under the same oppression within the same system. Whilst attributing to said system, it never ends. Yet when you take a step back and are still connected to loved one's who they themselves are still being pressed ... hmmmm ... it's like watching your family being eaten alive while your sitting pretty. Therefore ... for those of us with heart left, the pain never really ends.
The example I gave earlier where one is required to first get authority in order (family or not) to find out if a missing member is present or in pain - Well ... hospitals may have the power to lessen physical pain (depending on your status and means) but the hierarchical structure and laws to which they abide, will ensure many of us continually live in pain. That's the bind. Those that don't see it it typically worship the system and bow down to it in saving grace like a slave thankful for one less beating or being allowed 3 days to heal before the next level of suffering begins. The others that hold said system in esteem are called winners. In their eyes, losers bring everything they suffer upon themselves. This is how we are conditioned to hate and despise those not playing ball.
Of course that hate extends to much more and consumes. People of different color do not play ball. People in boats fleeing unimaginable abuses do not play ball. People who don't beleive as others don't play ball, People who don't talk of think as others do not play ball. Then so powerful is the effect of said corrupt system, that when people fleeing one cancerous side of the planet are assimilated by the other, those fleeing then begin to contribute to new oppressive forces as guilty of likewise abuse, where in the end they bow down, worship and defend these they deem as peaceful saviors. I mean that is those fleeing that are not blown out of the water or in concentration camps. Again ... same double bind as the hospital system that sells all kinds of BS romantic stories designed to cover up not just the so called imperfections, but the otherwise obvious imbalance.
In this light it's easy to see how division and hate are encouraged. In all it's forms. How much is human nature and how much is taught? Does it really matter? How does disconnection work? hmmm ... Ponder questions in relation to pain management - not pacification?
"...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/
DOing OK all things considered. Have a good day.
Last edited by Ponder; 01-17-2019 at 02:30 AM.
"...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/
1am still doing OK ... going back to sleep. Zzzzzz
"...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/
Here as well Ponder, I'm back up on 2 feet again. The cycle is finally breaking and I can see clearly again and the dark cloud has made way for some sun today. I Walked today up and down the street 3/4 mile, weather was about 36 degrees light wind. Hard to find the motivation to get things going after a long cycle of doing nothing but getting up and going to bed. Have lots to think about and work on otherwise I fall too far behind to catch up. Still have a lot on my plate and am overwhelmed at times. I didn't clean much over the last month and the bathroom looks like a gas station
Been practicing visualizing breathing out the black bullshit and it works sometimes.
sal I am so glad to see you, D and I had a chat on fb so it was nice and refreshing. good to see you to breathe out the black bs
''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
''
― Rabindranath Tagore
Glad to hear it Sal. lol @ Gas Station comparison. It's similar here too.
Yes D - Thanks for the chat ... very much needed this end too. I only have a select few on FB, You welcome to be a part of that Sal ... just PM for details if you like, but understand if FB is too close a thing. I rarely post on mine. Mostly use the FB messenger is all ... on occasion I might.
Yawnsssss ... Hill Billy Heroin Kicking in. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I am SO looking forward to my neck and shoulder healing. knock on wood. MRI next week.
"...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/
How stupid can we get D?
"...the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation" ~ Terrance McKenna → https://pondermovedhere.blogspot.com/
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