And they're back... [Panic attacks - need advice quick]

[Dahila]

Do not worry Alias, you know that my maternal instinct kick in , when I see you. Who will better understand you than us, We go through the same things. I am old and still kicking , even i wanted to end things so many times, had some tries to end it, Not from the moment I got my daughter and son. I m still thinking about it, but it does not going to be a problem.
I wish you find someone who will support you when you needed, For now you have us Alias, I wish you the best from a bottom of my heart <3

[Ponder]

Things any better today/this evening?

[AliasEQ]

Hey, thanks for asking Ponder. Anxiety is still hitting me in waves throughout the day. Sometimes, I'm doing really good and sometimes it's really bad. Today I spent the entire day outside, it was quite hard to handle the anxiety surrounded by people to be completely honest. I managed to do it though and I'm just trying to continue and go on like I normally would. I don't want to pause the rest of my life like I did the very first time when I had a panic attack. In fact, even if I had a panic attack, I'm just going on with life and conversations normally. People can't seem to see that I'm fighting a battle inside of my head

It's crazy how it can change the entire mindset, just like that. The world as you know it is crumbling for a moment and the other moment you're just relaxing and being optimistic. My derealization is not back, but I can definitely feel it in the back somewhere. Not giving it any attention so far though. My appetite is still going up and down. Todays morning was way better than ydays though. I ate 2 toasts and 2 pretty big burgers from Mcdonalds. And I'm currently trying to forcefeed myself some more.

Also, I'm noticing that my anxiety goes through the roof when I lay on my bed to go to sleep. It's like, I'm expecting it to happen and therefore it happens. I still can't remember how I beat this exactly. I think I just practiced every day to control it and eventually I got control over it.

Oh well... that's how my day has been. Hows yours been man?

[AliasEQ]

Btw, since the forum isn’t as active anymore, do you reckon it would be a good idea to make a daily ”journal”? I think it would be a good idea for myself in the future, if I do forget how to cope with these emotions again and for others aswell. Looking back at my threads and the help and advice that I’ve been given is actually very valuable. I’m taking a look at some of the advice and I’m just relearning everything.

Idk, what do you guys think?

[Dahila]

is it that strange, people always tell me how calm I am , they have not idea how much it takes not to show the turmoil you are in. Alias try to spend time in woods, Even 12 minutes will give you some relieve

[Ponder]

Glad your having/had a better morning. Since you asked I had anxiety waves to ride during my interview regarding a government disability organisation. I made it through with the help of my wife and a seemingly understanding staff interviewer. I am still a little flustered this next morning but not really interested in focusing on it too much. I am not interested in mixing with society other than this forum right now and that's absolutely fine with me. The more I feel pressured to 'integrate' that more I want nothing to do with people.

The benefits of a daily journal depend on a couple of factors. I can only speak from my own experiences I have in this forum with doing my own journals. It's why I have came back here. What I choose to focus on either makes or breaks my day. It's a bit of a balancing act where confronting stuff that's uncomfortable can be very healing, however it can also lead me further down the rabbit hole from which I am trying to break free. Choosing words carefully helps; I then just avoided using the word escape but that's another story. Ramble is better than Rant ... but sometimes a rant is required in order to reach a rambling state ... then once rambling at ease for sometime my words and thoughts feel to me -much more free. Arrrrrrrrr ... now that's better ... I might even be able to sleep.

So in that regard ... Yep ... a daily journal for some of us types is in fact a very healing method in which to acquire quality and calm head space. I find in mental health forums that don't have a dedicated section for a Blog, Diary or Journal ... just pick the subsection that seems most appropriate for you and give your thread a like wise relative name.
________________________________

Hey D ... It matters more what we think rather than what others have to say. I always am misunderstood so am no used to asking my self "is that what I feel' as others usually get it wrong when telling me how is that they they think I be or feel. That said, I try not to dismiss others in that process as there is always something to learn from the way others react. ATM I am avoiding others as I feel It is best for me given the way I presently be.

[AliasEQ]

I’m getting some lone time here and there but it’s seems like loneliness is a trigger for my anxiety. I dont know why. Growing up, I always prefered being lonely.

I get what you’re saying Ponder. I don’t know if I’ll write a journal but I’ll take a look at yours!

Today was somewhat of a good day. Ate like normal almost, didn’t feel the anxiety this morning and I was coping decent throughout the day. However, later I started losing control. I’m currently in bed trying to sleep but... yeah, thats not working out so great

Honestly, these negative thoughts are worrying me. I’m no longer afraid of dying in a panic attack. I’m rather having suicidal thoughts. It feels like I’m in this bubble all by myself and no one can get me out. I can’t live like this. I can’t take this struggle. Not with all the years I have ahead of me. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. Living with this is like I’m already dead. I’m not experiencing life like I should.

These are my thoughts when I’m having a panic/anxiety attack. When I don’t have them, I’m asking myself what the hell I was thinking. Ugh. I probably wont kill myself. I just cant bring myself to it. But then, maybe I’m just afraid of these thoughts and thats why I’m panicking. I dont know anymore to be honest.

Anyways, hope you had a good day today!

[Imperfect]

Just reading you now whilst on route with my wife driving the car. Good solid post. Again I hear ya! Tendencies are hard to the core. Is like being stuck under a rock with someone standing on it. Living and dying both tough options under such circumstances.

When I'm in those cycles and it is often, I focus on the space in between my breath. I also remind myself time is like breathing in that these tough periods will give way to moments of peace. Even though it's been full on without a break this last 18months; the psychology in that approach has always done me well.

Hang in there Bro! It can get better. You'll find a way.

[Ponder]

Srry for confusion. I was on phone logged on under my most recent user name. Split personality disorder I guess. I should probably see someone for that too.

[salvator here]

I’m getting some lone time here and there but it’s seems like loneliness is a trigger for my anxiety. I dont know why. Growing up, I always prefered being lonely.

Hi Alias.. it is those times when you have too much time to think that those feelings of loneliness can creep in. Remember, its only a feeling like any other and it will pass. You can be just as lonely ( in fact, sometimes even more lonely ) around people and feelings of loneliness are replaced by feelings of being "exclusion" and "rejection" which can also feel crappy.

I can completely relate to much of your posting actually, I was always always a loner and prefer it; still, that doesn't mean we don't have (I'll call it - cravings) to be a social. For me they are short fleeting thoughts nowadays when I remember the drama that comes along with (especially in one-sided) friendship. Much of the time I have to distract myself or create my own fantasy environmental and usually it works, because when you think about it, everybody is really in their own world anyway - perception is reality.

I'm sorry you have those ugly suicidal thoughts, I also get them, but they do pass eventually and as they say, it doesn't rain everyday.

Take care and keep posting here and I think journals are also a great idea.