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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    1

    Trying for a baby

    Hi
    Me and my wife have been married about 6 months and we both agreed we want to start a family. However, I struggle with anxiety and now we are about to start trying it's sending my head into over drive. I'm now worrying constantly about all the things that it could affect (I'm in the middle of a part time MA as well as working full time), will it ruin our relationship, if I'll be a rubbish dad, if I will cope with the lack of sleep.

    My partner is really excited and I was but we are due to start trying in a week after she stops taking her last pill but the closer it gets the more I panic!

    I do really want kids, I just want to be excited about it and not feel trapped in my own head.

    I've been to the doctors who sent me for CBT which didn't really help

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    5,734
    As someone with 4 children of my own and a grand son as well, (+ numerous others that I do not know) I can confidently say that everyone one goes through a period of doubt and questioning when dealing with the thoughts of parenting. Especially for the first time ... although for me did not get any easier. That does not mean the questions you pose are not valid. There is no amount of preparation that can ease the pain of watching children grow up in this world, yet there is also plenty of joy! There is no wrong or right answer but only how you deal with them that contributes to the result. No amount of money, status or intellect will compensate acceptance, compassion and love. The less we have for ourselves that harder it is to give to others. Or at least this is how I have come to see it.

    The more we give to others the easier it is to do for ourselves. Unfortunately people think the giving is about money, status and materials. What I am talking about might sound a bit whimsical, however it is used to be called basic human instinct. Parenting used to come naturally. Now like everything else, it's been made into certified course. I guess what I am saying is try not to analyze everything in the moment but rather think on those things that having a child might bring into your life that makes you feel good.

    It's hard not to get all pessimistic when thinking about bringing children into this world. However you can be of the poorest family on earth, yet children still bring riches that society could never equal.

    Just as with our own daily walk, it comes down to which we choose to focus on.

    Know that ALL of us go thought this stage of doubt that your currently in, when it comes to kids.

    Whatever happens ... your going to be all right. So try not to stress. I know ... easier said that done.

    Keep posting if it helps.
    Last edited by Ponder; 11-17-2018 at 12:49 PM.

  3. #3
    I’m sorry to hear about your struggles, friend. As Ponder said, most of us go through this, and I’m sure you’ll be the best dad for your kids. I’d suggest that you talk to a counselor/therapist. A caring professional might be able to give you some solid guidance. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the strength and help you need at this time. Please know that you can always come here to share and you’ll find a lot of help and support. Stay strong.

 

 

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