my anxiety pattern

[Kuma]

Hello all. I have not been here in quite some time. I see some familiar names still here...

In any event, this is my typical anxiety pattern:

I say, or do, something that I probably should not have said, or done. Then, later, I regret it intensely, replay it repeatedly in my mind, castigate myself for it, and worry a lot about the consequences.

When this happens, I cannot think about anything else. It is the last thing I think about at night, and the first thing I think about when I awake (assuming I am able to sleep; sometimes I use sleeping pills for that).

I can sometimes go several months without this happening, but then it happens again.

I did CBT (with a well-known expert), and it helped me to understand how my obsessive thought patterns work. But it still happens.

This can ruin entire days. Yesterday, for example, my entire day was spent -- mostly in bed -- going over and over in my mind something I had said in a business meeting, and how I should not have said it, and castigating myself for it, and worrying about the consequences.

I just don't seem to be able to break this pattern.

The CBT doc said people who have obsessive thought patterns like this will just continue to have them. So you cannot expect it to just go away. The question is what you DO when you have these thoughts, and how you minimize their impact.

In most respects, I have a pretty good life. I have a family, a nice place to live, a job that -- although quite stressful, and with long hours, pays well, and good physical health. But this anxiety pattern really takes its toll!