Somebody's Journal

[salvator here]

Took some time to catch up having been away for several weeks. I can't say there have been any real bright spots, but I am learning new things everyday about myself, and trying to better accept my limitations, and hope to become satisfied with what's up ahead and see a future for myself again. Dealing with some memory issues and some cognitive issues as well.

I don't wish to use your this new journal to talk about myself. Don't worry, I'll reach out again and create a new thread if I need to. Although I don't get to be here as much as I'd like, you are one of the first people I try to check up on when I do. I always remember when you've tried to help me or offer support, and I never forgot it.

I enjoyed reading everything and the pictures of the grain art photos you created, and the ones of your grandson. Thank you for sharing them.

Good luck with purging. I understand that sometimes moving on, its sometimes helpful to shed the past. Easier said than done.

Like the new nickname as well.

Take good care

[Imperfect]

Your the genuine article Sal. : ) It comes through in all your posts. Really appreciate what you just said. Means a lot! Just understand that as far as I am concerned, I don't mind you sharing whatever you wish in my journal - however respect your own aims in how you wish to share. This forum is not really a geared towards journals per-se. These user create spaces where we write and or express about ourselves are out of place with there being no subsection as compared to other mental health forums that facilitate online journals. I am torn between the freedom of speech that this forum is well known for, Vs those forums that do have categories for jounarling yet very restrictive in what users can post, say or think.

Some forums have moderators that actually reword posts. Laughable and Ludicrous. This happens a lot in Beyond Blue. Glad you like the little pictures I take from time to time. That's another things some places don't allow. Pictures of people or even yourself. Add to that if you speak with a negative even tone, they will warn you for not sounding positive enough. Those places really are more about the agenda of both forum admins and moderators and do little to help sufferers of mental illness. Great places to swap storied about what pills and supps they use. Not much else. So it is that I am still here.

That said ... now that I have a new user name, (detached from all those thousands of posts) trying a new spot elsewhere might be worth another try. I know I have said it before many times. Nothing like another round to disconnect ... at least for a whiles. I know Dahila would check in on me : ) I have tried a Blog before - but it somewhat restricted in meeting new people as happens more often in public forums. I look around once more and see what I come up with.
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TODAY - Not much to report other than above. Procrastination reigns with regard to my health. That's about as honest as I can get. Weight continues to pile up and my fitness decrease. I won't let that fact beat me though. I have bounced back from much worse. BUT - If I am not careful it won't be long before I reach a much worse state.

[Imperfect]

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Self Medicating - Who needs antidepressants when you can have Wendy's Hot Dogs!!!



Sigh ... DAY 5 lol - There is always next week I guess.

[Dahila]

P you make me hungry........

[Ponder]

You made me laugh. Ty.

[Imperfect]

My daughter took this photo to inform my wife that I was not eating acording to our ideals. It had been 5 years since I had a Wendy's hot dog. Although my memory is failing. It's been like 3 years since KFC.

[salvator here]

A little in moderation doesn't hurt, I don't think. Nothing beats a NYC hot dog, haven't had once since the late 1990s, reminded me of it. KFC is the least favorite for fried chicken. Don't eat my fried foods anymore, but sometimes crave french fries and get a small one for reward system. Remember when a small small was 1 dollar, now 3 dollars. Don't eat out much. Food banks are really fastening crap (expired cake and pasta), usually skip it unless I'm really starving. I'm getting out of shape as well since I've not walked much, did a little yesterday and got sun and wind.

Yeah, I'm also trying other forums to mix it up a bit. Avoiding new mental health forums for a while and looking for other (computer) oriented with a decent lounge to just chat about off topic. I'll still stay here though as well.

Giving this one a try...wish me luck over there!

https://msfn.org/board/profile/422963-sal-here/

Not sure its really free, because they ask for donations and I really can't afford it. Posted in the XP forum to get things up to date as can be (we've also discussed updating this outdated system, and I've updated it lots since then).

Anyway..

Enjoy your weekend

[Imperfect]

Thanks for the heads up on the forum Sal. I like you outlook to mixing things up re the forums. I've been checking the forum out and there is some really great info over there. I just joined myself as I'm always up for learning more about my operating system. Don't worry about the donations. Asking for them is better than stopping people from posting. It looks like a good place to learn a thing or two on a topic I enjoy. Again Thanks for linking it!
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Excuse my ramble ... I could not help myself.

The problem with moderation for me is that I have an extreme predisposition that is like a hair trigger when it comes to sugary, salty and fried foods. Even the bread and other simple carb foods set me off. There is no such thing as opening a large bag of corn chips and then putting them away for later. I wont stop until the entire bad is consumed and then I will either pull out ice cream from the freezer or go for a drive and buy some more if it's all gone. That's pretty much my story. For now I am blaming my daughter. lol - Seriously thought ... it is hard for me now that she is living here. Mostly because the smell of those kind of foods also trigger me. When she walks in through the front door coming from he trip to the shop, I can smell the food she has before the cooking begins. All that said ... I'm doing well enough. The pros and cons of eating clean whilst living with others. My past addictions and the extent to which I abused myself has left me quite disabled in the arena of Junk Foods. When I am seen eating such foods, it usually means I am not doing well. I am just thankful I can still have a joke about it without completely caving in. I know what it is like to struggle walking; back when in the days when I was on my meds.

Fried chicken - It is the ultimate high for me but I know if I start on that I will just end up dead. On the surface it seems like a good way to go ... I might even come back for more.


Yea ... even here they are making all the junk cheaper. The Food Banks ... LOL ... Don't get me started on that. hahahahahahahahaaaaahahaaaa Actually it's no big deal ... is just what it is ... Point and Case about Societies Value System. Food Bank Typically = JUNK FOOD and when it's not ... they write up a humanitarian story. AAAAAWWWWW look at us ... we feeding the poor real food. God Bless and Yadda yadda - expectation follow with all kind of prescriptions for success ... it's all their fault and so on. They did have some veggies in one of the last boxes I saw (sometime I go for a look at the opp shop just to see what shit they are palming off) was not even fit for pigs. I've done better picking food out of bins! To think the place I looked SELLS that shit. Go figure.

I'm glad you don't fall for the FOOD BANK story and all it's associated ideals. There are times my daughter gets desperate and I will drive her from one place to the other. In fact I have taught my kids how to access such services when they are in need. We did it quite a bit when living in and out of public housing. The qualtiy of service and demeaning process has done more to keep most of the working, yet they too complain not unlike when I did when I was in prison.

Arrr What a wonderful day it is ... I think I might have some KFC. Now if they started handing that out at the food bank!!! What a Utopian Society that would be. ahahahahahahahaaaaa.


ESCAPE THE MATRIX BY LEARNING TO LIVE ON LESS
One benefit of my extremes, is having experienced what it's like to live contently on way less - less than we are led to beleive. The only way I can do it is to cut out all the shit. Is just how it is for me. I am trying ... I'll keep trying. I'm just going through some hard core shit that's taking longer than I expected is all.
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[Imperfect]

Dahila ... I too am just using windows 10 home edition. There's really not much I miss. I do beleive its not such a hard chore to source alternative tools, similar to those found in the Pro addition. So far as a semi power user I have not had to. I doubt you would have to either ... not from what I know of you. Surprise me.

How's your new experience going with all that?

[Dahila]

new expierence will be tomorrow all back ups on disks, I need to make another of my business account so one disk, Tomorrow morning I will get it . Oh I am counting on you with W10 home, I have a book and I should probably read it it is "Windows 10 bible or something like that. I bring it home, install security software then take bull by force to install Microsoft office 2003. It suppose to run in W10, even they say it is not compatible. Printed tutorial from Microsoft and will see how it works, All my labels are in .pub format so I must have it. If not I will get on Amazon bite the bullet risk 60 dollars . We will see. it is going to be hard work for the next two days or so. I got all my password bookmarks , I should be ok

For one year I am occasionally using my hubby laptop with w10 home and of course every time something does not work he screams his head off, Really my man thing that I am computer geek and I am not Wish me luck please