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  1. #171
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    I'm up ... made a post ... time to stretch a go hit the treadmill down at the gym. After that I have meeting with the new mentor again. Still tying to work out the dynamic in that. Old enough to be my daughter. She is smart, I'll give her that. hmmm now I feel another post coming on. Thing although the manager of the local mental health social facility has deterred me from socializing there, I'm still hanging out with a few of the guys. One of them is as young as my youngest son, yet I don't really see him like that at all. Fact is I don't see any of my older kids as kids anymore. Yet there is an element of mentoring that comes from having more experience when we talk on certain topics. I find myself treading lightly when I see things differently when in commiseration - especially when in commiseration. I like the youthful stamina that can keep us laughing in the face of adversity, yet when having endured for as long as I have Vs one who has not ... it's not so much a competition in wisdom ... but more a communication gap ... sometimes a block. I struggle with those unflinching in there hard set ways which is atypical of us older one's ... yet I try not to be. Hmmm ... I find myself stumbled on trying to make a point here.

    With respect to the new mentor ... ????? I guess if I can let it be like with my younger 'friend' we should be able to navigate the clinical aspect. I hope she's not wearing that badge again. The badge I will just have to learn to deal with. It does not feel mutual at all with the bade. It advertises her as a service and me as a consumer. Yep ... I just nailed it. In that regard I have never been with a service worker that wares a badge. I don't deal well with advertising in an advertising world. I guess that is why I no longer belong.

    Hmmm ... what to do. I want to encourage her as although we have only had a meet and greet, I feel she likes her job. I have already mentioned that badge and asked her not to ware it, but by the end of the meeting (coffee at some coffee place) I thought her to be so polite and well meaning that I actually apologized telling her it was alright to ware it. Now in hindsight I can see how one might think who am I to ask if she would consider not wearing the badge. Well, the fact is, having been in this game as long as I have ... some places actually allow service users not to ware a badge if the client so requests it. (It's stigma related and in some cases the negative impact makes the service invalid)

    I think if anything ... and she is still wearing it after our last meeting. I will do will to further explain the above. YET I may not, because I don't want to drag the issue on ... if I am to take it as an opportunity to work on my ego. Also an opportunity to see how much people are looking more form the point of view of young women mentoring older man ... perhaps more an assessment on support Vs mentoring. In some sense I feel I may be losing out on the mentoring aspect to this PHaMS program that came with age - BUT not necessarily. Yes and no. I'll have to reach deep in order to access the elements of hope within the yes. Support ... Yes. This service provider will be coming to the police station with me and likewise appointments.

    The fact in all this remains that I am still unable to fit into this society as is. My condition is permanent (more so Society's Condition is Permanent.) so it is that I will mostly likely keep walking with my head down. It's one thing like so in forums like these, but another when going outside. REALITY CHECK ... the urge for my ego to always want to strike back is HUGE ... and those intrusive thoughts can be extremely disabling if I allow them to be. Right now ... I continue working on what works for me. I guess that will be the topic I get to discuss today. I think if she chooses to keep wearing the badge that I will relate to her more as a councilor of sorts rather than a friend. Mentoring is less on the counseling side although still the same. It's hard to make claims that one is not clinical whilst still in need of wearing a badge.

    Hmmmm .............. I should get a T-shirt with lard print ← CLIENT / SERVICE USER → I might actually do that.

    Time to go to the gym ... GO!!!

  2. #172
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    Just a quick log in ... I decided to have today's visit at home. I introduced the new mentor to my wife. I smile to think she was wearing a light cardigan over her badge. It feels weird relating to someone so young as a mentor. After the visit my I questioned my wife about the huge age gap and the mentoring aspect. We both agreed that there is a void in the feedback I am getting. I don't suspect the young girl realizes just how empty that space feels, although I am sure there she sense a slight awkwardness. When she left I felt she was in a hurry. I again spoke with my wife on the topic of how long I shall give this a try and simply agreed to give it more time. All in all, it is clear this young girl is committed and making a good effort. I am thankful for that. I encouraged my wife to get into the discussion of what other mental health social services might be available and the three of were actively engaged. This helped to dissipate any air of awkwardness and made of a good finish for toady's session. I made a small goal and included the support worker in that suggesting that it would be something we could aim for. She also reminded me how I like to plan my days ... on the day; how I like to keep things structured within my own head space ... although my work space reflects quite the opposite.
    __________________________________________________ ___________________

    So it was that after Gym and the Outreaching ... that I planned and revisited another small reserve which offered up a decent walk under the sun and away from the traffic:



    I took some fruit and started reading a book that I bought yesterday - It turns out to be one of the best books I've purchased on the topic of water. Everything to to with how not to become Dehydrated and the consequences of what happens to the body once we live like so. I'll link some really great talks that I ended up listening to through out the day as I walked back as well as later on:



    There was more than enough direct sunlight under the canopy. You only have to step left of right depending on your preference for sun or shade. The dappled light was good all round.





    This relates to two of his book ... but pretty much the same thing.




    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Last edited by Imperfect; 08-21-2018 at 04:52 AM.

  3. #173
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    Thumbs up Five Days Into Detox

    It's the morning of the 5th day without salt, sugar, oils, coffee, chips, dips, bread, grains and any form of take away or processed foods. Basically I have only been eating between 12pm-6pm In that time I only eat a wide variety of plants, vegetables, fruits legumes, seeds and nuts with perhaps a little bit organic raw coconut oil in my herbal teas. (Some micro nutrient powder in my shakes) I am only steaming the veggies as well. I'm no longer using any toppings at all. Just plain steam veggies. It's not as bad as it sounds. Last night I could actually taste the veggies even though they are not organic. Now that's saying something! I've been down this road before and whilst I would love to advocate ... I'm not preaching it. All I can say it WOW - Massive physical improvement over all. Joining the Gym and now having thrown myself head of shoulders back into clean eating ... all the research and practice from my previous efforts is paying off much quicker this time around. The hardest part for me as an addict (I beleive we all are this day and age) is how that initial leap is 99% psychological.

    I admit I had more than several failed starts coming back into this life style given the nature of my recent challenges. Those challenges are still very much in the forefront with complaints still in process and various criminal allegations still in full swing - more challenges on the horizon; but such is life. In fact I woke up this morning oozing with negativity despite having a good handle whilst venturing into sleep. (no longer taking phone to bed) I was thinking about how I am being used as messenger between two different police stations who seem unable to communicate via email. The complacency in that and what I already know with regards to deception in the world ... well I started to wonder why I am even bothering with a system in which I have absolute no faith in.

    Alas ... I rolled out of bed as I knew I could, and somehow ended up picking up a 'Meditations' book off my chest of draws.

    I guess to bring this post into perspective ... I found myself after randomly reading page number 82, in contemplation of finding resolve in a book that felt awfully similar to Daily Devotions:



    The former image being a booklet, that in my mind represents Christianity. Christianity being a world wide religious establishment that I was once devout in, but then ruthlessly betrayed and horrifically abused me. I have since come to see secular society as denyingly and deceptively part and parcel of the same self perpetuating suffering mechanism. These words I choose whilst seemingly on par with truth, also carry with them a lot of negativity that I know are holding me back. I have been for quite some time now struggling - in terms of losing that once sense of peace I used to obtain from having a deep core personal belief. (loosing that connection - takes time, skill and compassion to reestablish) More so the healthier aspect of personal realizations I once had with myself, but then to me known as some illusionary figure that others refer to as G_O_D. I see it as something else and always will now. That term is long dead to me but coming back to life in another form ... that exists within me ... but also around me ← when I'm in tune with my body. I think more on that later. Is not what main steam religious folk think.

    The thing after reading the meditation in James Vam Praagh booklet, and knowing that he is a self professed medium that has accolades and thousands of profile pics adorned all over the internet and perhaps just as extroverted as the most devoted hand swaying, jumping and dancing charismatic christian, I could not help but sense how much I missed the peace I used to obtain from my daily devotions - now knowing I could return to as much without this need to refer to a or 'the' G_O_D to whom I have never known. That said I have has some pretty awe inspiring spiritual moments ... Just not with what most people think.
    _________________________________

    ANYWAYYYS ...

    That meditation I read this morning connected deeply with me. I'll leave it upturned on my computer table and post about that a bit later. I think I let the above sink in for a bit more. I could really use likewise readings with all that I am going through at this time. It would make the process a lot more pleasing as I have to admit for all the cravings and detoxing I am starting to return to my more care free way of living. Just working more on how to endure this world without the need for drugs ... in any form.

    I got a call yesterday from my younger friend who wants to head out of town and walk the beach head where I used to live prior to moving to town. He tends to focus on the negatives complaining about the same things without making any effort to address the most pressing issues. That said, I often do the same thing. I see that he is trying like myself which is why I don't mind staying friends and even during those times I find myself having to withdraw from others who unknowingly suck the life out of others ... I for the most part stay friends ... and if ... I myself have been careful enough not to drag others down ... my friends will continue to want to be with me. I'm pleased he is choosing to spend what little time walking with me.

    For now I go move some weights and feel the good in that. Ear buds fully charged and loaded with an ambient environment that's far removed from the gym.

    Adios until next post.
    Last edited by Imperfect; 08-21-2018 at 03:00 PM.

  4. #174
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    Went for a walk and listened to this ... seems like excellent advice:



    Pretty much doing a few of these principles now ... hence got to run ... adios until next post.
    Last edited by Imperfect; 08-22-2018 at 09:38 PM.

  5. #175
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    Srry guys. I had to correct and re-upload my video as the audio was out of sync. Whilst I am not overly concerned with video professional standards (small video file size on purpose) … the audio at least has to be in sync. You’ll have to turn up the sound as I was just using my phone late at night whilst the others were asleep.

    Here’s my original post:
    ___________________________________________
    Late Night. After all my new username is Imperfect. One thing is for sure ... I am sleeping a LOT better. The no taking phone to bed is working like a charm. The clean eating ... well that is proving really hard. I caved in the last two nights with a bread roll. It's like coming off the most additive drug I have ever had. Just the sight of it! Not to worry ... it like when I gave up smoking. Just a small setback. I still gave up junk food X days ago and going strong all things considered.

    Right now I am uploading a video response on youtube to another guys video who was talking about pretentious spirituality fake teachers. In hit he names a few comical youtubers that I have actually linked here before and one you also know D. Whilst others kind of defend the comical side of things ... I still get where this presenter is coming from.

    His video can be found here → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmsK7FwdfZs
    My response video here → https://youtu.be/yDpm0X_gLhM
    Take care guys.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  6. #176
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    Australia
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    - The Moon Is a Rising -




    Whilst at that same time the sun is a setting.


    As usual it's been a dry winter of late, but as you can see in the sunset picture, we're starting to get a little rain. Although it's still a little cool in the mornings and evenings, the days are nice and warm. Snake season is well and truly under way. I'll stick to the side walk for a little whiles now. : ) The last four days I have been focusing on my routine. Making sure I keep my decision to maintain my mental health in good stead. It's easy to let procrastination and negative thought patterns drag me down. Such is atypical in the early stages of getting back up on my feet. Tis but the cycle of maintenance in an unstable world. During that walk above I started out with the sun at appropriately 20ish degrees higher; about an hour earlier. It's easy for me to just stand there and stare at the sun as it disappears over the horizon. Whilst most people are going for the windscreen visors as they drive into the sun, I'm just standing immobilized on the side walk in a retarded state. Seriously ... I smile when glimpsing those looking at me, driving by wondering what the fuck is that guy doing up on the raised sidewalk, standing there out in the cold breeze, in shorts and singlet, under the rain looking looking up into the sky in some kind of stupor ... in trance like state. ... Is all good ... I'm just taking my medicine is all. I'm sure it too has side effects but I got to say ... it's really helping. Most of my friends act like vampires when they exit their homes reaching immediately for their sunglasses. They cringe as they walk from the front door until they make it to the car or the next building. Walking out of an indoor mall without sunglasses results into a crippling reaction. It's true enough I'll suffer from macro degeneration but that's actually quite a normal process and of human ageing process. The benefits I am get through sound sleep and healthy vitamin intakes far exceeds the side effects of wearing sun glasses. I ware them only in extreme conditions as it should be. I find a hat a much healthier solution to stop me squinting. I don't squint in under Australian normal conditions any more. I find those that do are often the sick ones. That said it's taken me time to readjust or dial back my light sensitivity. Just like is has my circadian rhythm. I'll just say the over sensationalization and marketing of both sunglasses and sun screen increase risk for cancer far more than my outdoor exposure. Well actually I have said too much for most ... but I'm finding it all great motivation as usual. I guess I could just BS myself like most other sheep ... but narrrrrr ... I'm not normal. I'm 'special' and would not have it any other way. Just don't stare into the sun like me!!! ... actually I don't stare at the sun like that ... I stare into it in a special magical way.
    ____________________________________________

    The Gym is still going good - Treadmill as well. I am back to walking for an hour in the mornings before the sun comes up. I think of that as a preparation to being in a good state to greet the sun before it even shows up. It's actually a critical component to doing what I do in a safe way. Being tense constricts blood vessels. I am also huge on hydration now. Still reading that book but now understand so much more about the importance of that as it relates to everything we do. Yadda yadda ... who cares right? I do! It's my story and I'll cry if I want to. : ) All this said ... I'm still having cups of tea. I'm also back on the honey. I'll start whipping myself next month ... maybe. I'll have to wait and see. I'm using White Tea D ... so glad you mentioned it last year ... or the year before? No matter ... it's quite agreeable for me at the moment.

    I best get ready. Lisa is going on the local News. It will be a third time for her. I second for me. This time it's about the Charity work regarding domestic violence victims. I'm nervous but trying not to think too much about it. Yep ... hearts pumping extra harder and faster now. Should of said nothing! : )

    I think I will head off to the library and forget about it until I get a call. Come to think of it ... another healthy practice I have been doing is leaving my phone at home when I go out. I am loving that! Although this time I best take it.

    Righto ... I think that's enough floating my boat. I'm doing well all things considered.

    HMMMM ... Formal Police Interview Date now set for next week - Flourish Complaint in full swing. They offered up mediation, but more a means of pacification. I may or may not write about that later. Thing is I am having a few wins and all looking good despite ever present fear. The new PHaMS support person is working out really good as well. I'm looking to start my own Home Group with of course ... Lisa's permission.

    For now ... phone has just run and getting nervous all over again.

    Time to get ready for this news story. ( Edit - has been postpone for another day)

    Adios until next post.
    Last edited by Imperfect; 08-26-2018 at 07:50 PM.

  7. #177
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    Here's how we are all being bullshited ... Check out that water book I imaged. Once you realise that water and sunlight can heal us, you begin to see just how much we have really been hoodwinked by the so called professionals. People are so soft and sick now ... but more so addicted to the easy way out that they beleive the bullshit and even make excuses to avoid making the effort in letting go from all that shit that's killing us. I'm only just getting started at calling out all the BS - but know I am pissing in the wind doing so in a forum more meant for people that want to stay sick ... to stay hooked.



    Next one also highlights the BS
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUYOxnuzRHU

    Next one takes effort ... again pissing in the wind.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zBBmh8xQhM&t=1528s

    Adios ... no more posts. You can all go back to playing the game.

  8. #178
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    USA
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    Just watched those 2 videos and I found them helpful. Been trying to get outside more and get sun before season changes, few more weeks I guess. Tried to go to a local fair but had to leave so that was a bust lol.

    Wow this forum is dead as a door nail

    Anyway, sorry I've been absent, just got a lot going on here I guess. Struggle to get up and stay up every day. I do though.

    Take good care and no need to reply if you've decided to not post anymore, I understand, trust me. I appreciated your help. I wish you the best.

 

 

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