Somebody's Journal

[Imperfect]

All good. I don't beleive in a 'Definitive Guide' Like the 'Definitive Guide To Supplements' I don't buy into such authoritative speech although fall by the way side myself. I think it does more to undermine the snippets that might or might not resonate for whatever reader. Typically such writings fail to look at the bigger picture when intending to influence a wider audience when not sharing from a personal perspective. I have been accused of standing on a box more than twice. For instance Dahlia ... I know you know a LOT about herbs. There is no one way in the growing or taking of herbs to heal all things. Often there are many dangers associated to taking herbs as there is to taking medicines (even supplements), yet we talk about these subjects haphazardly daily. I guess it comes down to the language we use ... how we speak, what we think and what we do. How one feels in the end? Who are we trying to convince?
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The Results? How am 'I' feeling?

I'm hungry ... I think I will go eat.

[Imperfect]

Lisa's results more important than mine right now. Truth is I reacted to her belittling this morning and now we are both having a shitty day. Now is not a good time for me to be countered. Encouraged yes.

Not sure about this new mentor comming to my house today. I think on that before sending txt.

[Imperfect]

GOOD NEWS - Dodged The Cancer Bullet - there was no real way to ignore the possibility given the doctor voiced her concerns as she did. Since finding out the news it's not cancer, tensions have subsided.

Things went OK with the new support person/mentor. We went out for coffee as things were still tense at home. She is quite young but savy for her role. I did request that next time she not ware her service provider badge next time we go out. It's always a little awkward getting to know people for the first time. She knew I had passed on the previous support person who was much older. I explained we had different world views and whilst that was OK, it was too evident; words to that effect. She was professional yet compassionate. I did not feel that was the case with previous person. I think if things continue in the same manner with this new person, I will tell as much. It's good to let the effective workers know when they are an asset. I do it with all the workers that support me. Doctors (who I mostly struggle with), mental health facilitators, peers, therapists and now even the psychiatrist. Is a waste of time having these supports if your don't utilize them properly and or foster the relations.

I can now reassess small goals without long term plans. I have already discussed the topic of planning thanks to my good friend Sal. : ) I feel much better now that I will have someone to come with me to the formal police interview whenever that is. Yet to hear back about that the local point of view. Basically the support worker helps with important meetings like that. Any important meeting where I struggle to be heard and or understand what's going on. I hope your reading Sal because I have tuned into your own regarding struggles with communicating, despite being well versed (which your own skill improves beyond words) with text and or in your own space. (I have picked on things you have said - where I often relate to your words) It's completely different in the so called 'real world' where people do not read us so well. It really is amazing at just how creative and special we be when afforded the space in which we can be our true selves, (takes time to foster with the right people ... sadly this kind of respect is now an art) yet when reality is pressed upon us with little regard for who we be ... we don't do so well ... do we? Sadly most puppets at the end of the string doing societies bidding, when seeing just how capable we are; they typically use such a revelation against us - lest we reflect the way in which they keep us down. Is good to find puppets that think for themselves. This is why I usually don't settle for just any service provider/worker. Takes time to find the ones that want to actually do good. They are there ... I must admit though, it requires both sides to make an effort. I really hope this time it pays off. Sometimes it takes me three goes ... but this time I feel I can do better. Took three goes with the therapist. Have been with that one for well over three years now ... going on four soon. Depending on the service, sometimes the change overs can be more often than not. When this happens I have to learn to be adaptable or just give up that service for a while, especially if dealing with tired, complacent workers that just turn up without really being there.
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OK ... moving on. Is good to be free-styling again:

---- LITERALLY MOVING ON ----
.................................... an old favorite of mine:


Another thing we do on the Personal Helpers and Mentor program is talk about things that inspire me. This time we talked about my photography and keeping active ... although it was more about routine that we discussed. This photo I took a little over 18 months ago whilst out walking in the morning sun. (note the low cast shadow projected from the runners left foot) This was actually a well timed shot without using fancy consecutive settings. Just a cheap phone, well timed under good lighting. I filtered this photo like I do with many others; my favorite way of creating my own reality.

I went into my photo library and chose this one because I knew when I took it, it would make a great symbol highlighting for me the importance of moving and the sun. I have no problem what's so ever with breaking down my body from the inside out - it's actually very healing for me. I wont go into the science because like I alluded in one or my recent posts - there are many misconceptions as to the pros and cons of one exercise Vs another. I'll just say that those seeking to live longer and look their prettiest for eternity will always shy away from strenuous exercise point blank. Joints issues and arthritis are more plagued with sedentary living than they are with running. Over use injury is a different story and it all comes down to balance like I keep saying ... I'll keep saying it because all this writing is my personal form of self hypnosis. It motivates me. Is how I drop the kilos in a matter of weeks - I first go through the motions to build up my strength. Once that is complete I let the sweat drip, drip and keep dripping until there is no more to drip!!! It is not uncommon for people who debate running, to of ruined their joints from other poor lifestyle practices and use such excuses to eat their addictive unhealthy foods. For others they, they may not have the mechanics nor the genetics - yet for the most part I tend to agree with text books that imply - humans were made to run. Not all, but most. If you want to debate it ... I suggest finding somewhere else to do it. You'll only just piss me off. Your welcome to start your own journal. - Just kidding ... or not.

My Morning Treadmill Run:

FUCKING AWESOME!!! Yes ... my little zen self is very happy about my strength returning (all things considered to recovery playing into that) that I allow passionate terms to excite me. So far only running on treadmill 3 times a week. In between 3 alternating days of 'Compound Full Body' resistance work outs. That's gym 6 days a week with lots of care in between for recovery. Food I am not changing to hard core yet. I'll say it again ... I am building up strength. Like I said some time ago with this photo ... coming off the meds:




That's when I was living further out in the more rural area. After reaching that point it was not long before my activity level took off naturally and my taste for food took on a more natural route. I will admit now though that in the end whilst exercise is vitally important to me ... the quality of food and lifestyle is the majority of the work. Every time I let myself slip it is to do with my mental health predispositions and resulting slips in lifestyle choices ... especially food. That said ... for me ... if I don't keep active (especially with weights) I also quickly slip. It's a seasonal thing as well ... cycles to the amount of effort and how that is distributed. That can take a life time to learn and especially so if you have an addictive past and also compulsive issues + extremes. Is much easier for me this time around as I learned so much from my previous efforts.

Let's not forget about a month ago how I started all this. Getting up early to greet the sun with a huge ass amount of respect for what I was intending. I again draw from the past with another image that instills the very best in me:

It was taken a few of these shots that I burned out the camera's sensor of Lisa's elcheapo camera ... It was a good photo though ... also quality sungazing and a swim. (Knee deep water resting on my knees)


I think I chill some more before hitting the sack ... All these principles and passion above I have been doing this last month. Is good to be back at the gym and it will be interesting to see how far I push. That said I am intending to be careful. I always appreciated your warnings for me to take it easy and be kind to self D. I also would not of made it if not for all your encouragement. I'll try not to be so cocky and keep up the photography and sun bathing that brings me much peace.

This post was made by on the side with the following vibes:

Night Night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[salvator here]

This is such good news, I'm very happy for you.

I've been reading your postings, just haven't been in any shape to reply. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I always see if you're ok here. I'm glad this weight is off your shoulders now, both for you and your family.

Will write more.

Take care

[Dahila]

Happy to hear about results. You know that I had cancer scare which came back negative, I am very happy for you and relieved. Just tell how you run on treadmill . my daughter does it, I never developed the skill of running on it, I have to support myself while running

[Imperfect]

I understand Sal ... whenever is good. Yes D --- I sure do remember that. I was worried for you as well. Yep yep ... one person's method is not necessarily for everyone and usually for a number of very valid reasons.
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Have not seen any articles hit AF for a while hey? I wonder what happened. A buzz word here, a buzz word there, everywhere a buzzword ... Yayyyyyyyy ... Yayyyyyyyy ... Yayyyyyy ... Can I have some more? More Please!

Yay it's another sensationalized Title- Oh Goodie!

[Dahila]

You remember when I wanted to make a partition on windows? I just succesfully made one and moved all my data to it. So one tb is two of partition one with apps another with the things I have

[salvator here]

Thank you for understanding. Just been feeling worked over by the system. Its a constant fight for everything and people are quite nasty (nurses and doctors) because they are used to dealing with dreads of society which seems really judgmental to people that are in need that can't afford to pay. Its by a fine hair that I'm not homeless to be honest. Its ok, it is what it is. Just wears me out and leaves me feeling hopeless at times. Spinning wheels and going nowhere sometimes, I guess. Should try to shake it off better by now.

Yes, I've also had a Cancer scare that turned out to be negative as well. The lymph nodes around my heart were inflamed and they thought it was lymphoma, as it turns out I have Sarcoidosis which is why I'm on steroids. It took a bronchoscopy to determine it as there was no other way to be sure. This was a while ago. Luckily I had good insurance at that time to even afford the expensive test. Really scared me though. I considered myself lucky.

I wonder why this forum is so quiet. If you google anxiety and forum its the first one. I'm surprised we this slow. I recon people don't use forums as they used to and rely on FB and other social media instead.

Glad you got your computer working well Dahila.

Good to know you're exercising D, I know you do it more for your health than vanity. I also walk for my health more than anything. Should lose some weight though (just 8 pounds is enough) also to bring BP and Cholesterol down. Wish I didn't need pills but I do currently.

[Imperfect]

Is OK about the forum not being active. I was being sarcastic about the articles. Both D and I like the fact that the forum is quiet. Don't tell anyone, but I sabotage most connections to keep traffic low People like to BS - We do not.

yep yep I hear ya Sal

Glad you worked out the partition D. Is good when you know how to do all that.

[Imperfect]

Prepping to get serious with my eating again:



Edit ... This supports a lot of what you were saying Ross. Without a doubt Balance is key where 'pushing' exercise is akin fast tracking one's way (or at least what I am currently doing) but cannot be sustained constantly. I sincerely hope I can give up my drug addition with food and go back to eating Raw as was the best experience I have ever had when it came to well being. Of course I am talking about my own experience. Weight up the pros and cons between being active, eating healthy and all the other forms of healthy lifestyle does see food and what we leave out as the primary key.

This video is no doubt far out for most ... but is a good reminder for me in terms of what I should leave out Vs using activity. I'll be checking more of this guy out in terms of finding balance.